I gave Dh the stink eye, now all hell has broken loose.

[Greenfircone]

Have I over reacted?

This morning I admit I was in a mood. I'm a Sahm and do everything to get the kids ready for school. Dh just sorts himself out and goes to work. As its bin day today I put the bag in and asked if if could wheel the bin to the road. He forgot and got in the car. I took it and gave him a hard stare on my way past. (So far so childish!)

Now I would expect any normal person to then say 'sorry I forgot'. Instead if got out of the car with a 'how dare you look at me like that' attitude, stormed into the house and slammed a door in my face then went to work.

I texted telling him I can't put up with his aggressive behavior when facing mild criticism and not to bother coming home until if can see what he's like. He has form for this and I don't want the kids learning to be like this.

WTF now?

[Yama]

Loopy - I work full time in a very stressful job in order to support my family. I don't disrespect my dh by doing hew haw around the house and slamming doors in his face though.

[Ahole]

StrumpetronTue Yes but does that mean we have to automatically be biased and start filling in the gaps with our own ideas.. like yours which seem to suggest the OP's DP is an abusive monster.. you've gleaned this from practically nothing.

I agree.

[Yama]

hee haw

[MistAllChuckingFrighty]

I am not going to engage with people who display no empathy, but would rather look for reasons for her to STFU and look after her put-upon husband. Poor man, fancy having to put the bins out

it's scandalous

[Dahlen]

I can't put up with his aggressive behavior when facing mild criticism and not to bother coming home until if can see what he's like. He has form for this and I don't want the kids learning to be like this.

I haven't said sorry because that's what I usually do... I need to be able to have a minor gripe and for it to remain minor. I have biting my tongue over everything.

f he'd stink eyed me I'd have said 'oops sorry, forgot' and that would end it. I wouldn't chase my spouse in a rage and violently slam a door in her face.

I know it was initially fuss about nothing but life is lots of little nothings that add up. I don't want to fear rage from him for me or dcs when he shouts.

It is his disproportionate rage for the smallest criticism that has worn me down.

All of those are taken from different posts made by the OP. I think the picture is very clear.

[Ahole]

I agree with LoupyLouLou. Some active imaginations here. Almost a desire to fill in the rest of the story to fit what some want it to.

[Strumpetron]

mist Oh I have a lot of empathy, but I don't attack people and accuse them of horrible things when they aren't here to defend themselves - not based on very little evidence anyway. You're projecting it would seem.

If the OP would like to talk more and fill in the gaps, perhaps tell us more about how she feels and what maybe he has done - then we can make an evaluation on whether he is a 'shitty partner' or not.

[MistAllChuckingFrighty]

Well, I dunno, mellow. The relationships forum has long had a reputation for being kinder and more female friendly than somewhere like AIBU.

It would be a shame if someone reaching out could no longer have it recommended as somewhere to just get listened to instead of having "who the hell do you think you are to treat your husband like that" forced onto her

[MistAllChuckingFrighty]

The OP has been frightened off, evidently. Well done you guys.

[MistAllChuckingFrighty]

I suppose this thread is an example about how it seems a certain type of poster is pissed off with the "orthodoxy" on the relationships board, as endorsed by HQ recently

One way to deal with it, I guess.

Convert it to AIBU and then everyone can just slag off the OP with impunity. Smashing, lovely, thank you. You wanted a change, and by God, it's certainly happening.

[Strumpetron]

Mist if you're just in relationships to tell women they're in an abusive relationship and have a shitty partner, that really is quite sinister.

We're supposed to read, get the full story, make an educated judgement and try to give advice. Jumping to conclusions, getting people riled up and throwing accusations around when we don't have enough information really isn't helpful.

dahlen No that seems to me one incident has sparked off a feeling in the OP, it doesn't automatically paint the picture of an abusive spouse - which people on here like to suggest.

Of course, like I said if the OP would like to fill in the gaps and tell us it is much more than just this incident, we could all listen and make the decision for ourselves rather than jumping to conclusions and scaremongering like some posters do.

I really hope she comes back.

[Ahole]

This story doesn't even make sense.

Instead if got out of the car with a 'how dare you look at me like that' attitude, stormed into the house and slammed a door in my face then went to work.

So she gave him dirty look which apparently is ok, then he gave her one but that is not? Then he stormed into the house? . . .

I wouldn't chase my spouse in a rage and violently slam a door in her face.

But now he chased her in a rage and slammed a door violently. So which one was it?

Sounds to me that op was changing the story as she went along to get the response she wanted.

[MistAllChuckingFrighty]

Like I said, the OP has been scared off by aggressive posters who are aligning with her husband. Would you come back to that ? I wouldn't.

[Mellowandfruitful]

Times change, cultures change, that's inevitable. Let's discuss each situation on its own characteristics, not decide what the response ought to be on the basis of what category it appears under.

[MistAllChuckingFrighty]

Doesn't make it right, mellow.

[Strumpetron]

Wow mist, the only aggressiveness I have seen is from yourself. Because you'd rather people agreed with your statements rather than try to get the whole picture and go from there.

[Ahole]

Op has said herself that he forgot. Not that he won't lower himself to do housework type stuff. She says he FORGOT. So much of this is just made up by posters projecting.

[Mellowandfruitful]

So are you here to decide what is and isn't right on the relationships board, mist? I don't see any 'in my opinion' or similar that indicates any speaker-relativity, so that is the impression that's coming across.

[Ahole]

I infer that the bin was symbolic of his doingsomethingaround the house, which he may think of as entirely the OP's responsibility. Maybe he's too good for bins and housework generally...

Sorry, i was referring to all these sort of posts.

OP SAYS HE FORGOT!

[Twinklestein]

His reaction to 'forgetting' (I'm not 100% convinced he actually did forget, as he would have to have walked past it, but if he did he clearly doesn't see it as one of his chores), was disproportionate, and from what the OP said this is representative of his behaviour generally.

[Joysmum]

I remember once being horrified when my nan showed concerned at my impending divorce. This really threw me, hubby and I are really happily married but had just had a stinking great row and I sounded off to my mum. My mum discussed it with my grandparents and my grandparents took a row as meaning divorce!

I was fucking fuming with my hubby at the time, I let off some steam to my mum and then calmed down and kissed and made up with hubby. He was a shit, I was a bitch in response.

If I'd written about it just after it happened, or waited and written about it the next day the 2 accounts would have been wildly different. Just saying

[ExcuseTypos]

I got to the stage where I knew there'd be a row if I mildly criticised my DH. It nearly split us up as I got very fed up with it. So he decided to see a therapist, which he did for over a year. Things are very different now, a lovely, calm household.

OP, your H needs to know you aren't putting up with this anymore. He needs to sort his issues out or there will be serious consequences for your marriage.

[Lweji]

Yes, we tend to forget what we don't care about.

[arkestra]

I can't see much point in this kind of thread if people aren't prepared to be supportive to the OP.

There are a few people projecting on this thread. OP is not one of them from what I can see. There is a perfectly clear pattern of aggressive behaviour that she is trying to articulate - and she is being shut down.

I wonder if the people getting on OP's case could find it in themselves to ease off? I get the feeling there is a genuine pattern of aggression on the part of her partner. But if I were her I would not find the thread so far encouraging.

[Mellowandfruitful]

I do hope OP comes back. There is support here for her. I think we could suggest some concrete ways forward if she will fill in some background about (as I said earlier) how long this has been going on for and what has been tried in the past to deal with it.