Getting back in contact with MM

[talksomesense]

I was in an intense, loving two year relationship with a married man. It ended a month ago when he told his wife and she asked him to try again. He decided to stay and I was devastated. He claimed this was due to his dcs and told me he loved me so much but could never contact me again.

One month on, and a few ignored Phonecalls from MM that soon subsided, I still love him and think about him every second of the day.

I am wondering wether I should go out on one last limb and email him my feelings - how much I love and miss him and ask him for one second to reconsider. I know it's seriously stupid.

You'll reply, you know you will. It's PERFECTLY easy to block someone or stop their line of contact - it just depends how much you want to.

And you don't want to by the sounds of things.

And, OP, you really don't have "empathy" for the chap's poor wife, and I say that as someone who's been in your place. You don't see her as a real person with feelings. Nobody with a smidgen of conscience possible could whilst continuing to shag her DH.

Every little email he sends is a tacit "check" that he could still have you if he wanted to.

Chin up. You're doing good. Just ignore and try to imagine you haven't had his crappy stupid selfish email. Hug

Hope you haven't replied!

Thanks so much for this great advice and something of a reality check. I haven't replied but today has been my most difficult yet and I even typed out an email but didn't send. I know i'm such a fool but the urge to not just reply, but spill my heart out is very strong at times. I hope I can continue to hold out but have lost the determination I felt in my angry, used phase. I definitely feel like i'm romanticising everything and need to wallow more on the horrific feelings I felt during the relationship and when he cut me off and lied at my expense to save his own skin.

Dig deep lovey. You know it's not the right thing to do, to have him in your life.

Soon things will feel easier. Have faith.

If you reply you'll be back to square one

Make a list. All the shitty things he said, did, didn't do etc. I have such a list in my notes section on my phone.

Things like : didn't come to my hospital app / surgery and had to go alone

I know it may seem not important to you but it was to me. And when I read the list I think "oh yeah, that was knobhead thing to do" and you get your fiest back.

It will stop you feeling sad and reaching for the keyboard.

If I thought your heartfelt words and tears would achey w anything then I would say go right ahead. But they won't even touch the sides . Sorry but maintain the silence . You've done so well. Do you have someone you talk to in RL?

That's not helpful JonSnow clearly the OP dies want to sustain NC. She has been doing really well, including over Christmas and NY which is so hard. It's this selfish prick who is throwing her balance by initiating contact.

Keep going OP, and hang onto your anger. How dare he contact you behind his wife's back? How dare he ask how you're doing when you are healing from the hurt he caused? And how dare he contact you at work when you have blocked him from other routes? He is not respecting your boundaries. Do not answer. Ignore any further messages. Block him in any way you can. Focus your energies on yourself and your own recovery.

Best wishes

How was your day ?

Still on the treadmill of misery here. MM got in touch to say he still has feelings for me, misses me, it's so hard for him, blah blah. I replied - i know - what a complete fool, asking to speak to him - i know - i know - then, nothing, cut dead again. I feel like such an idiot. Why is he doing this? More to the point - why am I? I used to be such a strong person. :( Don't give up on me MN.

"its so hard for him"?! Tough.

Notice that email is all about him? how he feels?

He's a self absorbed twat who likes the world revolving around him.

talksomesense see this as a temporary blip. He has shown you exactly how he feels about you by disrespecting your wish to remain NC. As Patricia said, it is all about him. He isn't considering your emotions at all so try not to give him headspace.

Maybe you could use some techniques from cognitive behavioural therapy to help you deal with this? I am currently doing CBT for something else and have been finding it very helpful.

Also, next time he gets in touch (and trust me, he will), post on here first if you are tempted to reply. If you feel the urge to get in contact yourself (and I know how hard it is to resist sometimes), send an email to yourself instead. Or to a defunct email address. Sometimes it's good to get something off your chest without it actually reaching anyone.

Good luck. Hope you'll feel better soon.