Whatnext074 - thread continued

[Whatnext074]

I would firstly like to thank everyone who has offered me support, even those who did so silently on my last thread 1880152-Oh-God-Just-looked-up-H-OW-on-FB-feel-sick

I don't know how to convert the link - I have ticked the box but not sure it's worked.

Thank you for all the pms since too asking how I am.

My previous thread is long so some background: Was with my H for 11 years, we were very close and although we had traumas out of our control, I never doubted that we wouldn't be together forever.

In the space of 9 months, we lost 4 babies in the family, 2 of them our own. We remained close and supported each other.

My H suddenly changed, he turned from a loving, caring man into a stranger who was verbally abusive and aggressive and scared me. He continually denied having an affair when I asked and blamed me for the way he was. I thought he was having a breakdown (I still do).

I found evidence that he was having an affair with a colleague and I told him to leave, he's still with OW. I am so heartbroken and at times, I didn't actually think I would make it to the next day. One particular night a few weeks ago, I believe MNers did save me, just to know there were people there who cared and offer advice.

I have a DS (my H is his SF) who has been so worried about me and I am trying so hard to get myself better.

I have had so many pms from MNers who have asked me to start another thread so I am. I am so utterly grateful for all the support I have been given. I am not completely out of the darkness yet but I hope I don't get as bad as I have been recently.

[springysofa]

Poor you, youre bound to get flashbacks, a painful part of healing ((hug))

and I thought I was crap at plants

[Whatnext074]

Please help me, I'm sorry it's C/mas Eve. I am really struggling tonight, the realisation of what my H has done has hit me again. My DS saw me have a panic attack and was scared and called my Mum. She tried to give me a pep talk but has had an argument with my Dad tonight and when she found out I had a glass of wine tonight she said if I want to kill myself then go ahead.

I didn't say that at all and I'm just really, really hurting but she has said I will kill myself and she won't come to my funeral. Please help me.

[FloWhite]

Hey. I just posted on your other thread.

You're not alone.

Don't drink any more tonight though, eh?

[mammadiggingdeep]

Whatnext!!!! Come on darling you'll be ok.

Don't drink any more. Have you eaten??

Is your son in with you now?

Forget what your mum has said- mums say annoying things at inappropriate times (my mum is amazing but a champ for comments that fall in the 'was that strictly necessary' catogory.

Look- this was bound to set you back bloody Xmas...I'm sat here with a bottle of cava crying too, and I haven't cried for months. Come on girl- you're not on your own and you're gonna be ok...

Inbox me if you want to....
X

[Whatnext074]

My DS went back to his room, he doesn't know what to do - sadly neither do I

[redundantandbitter]

Posted on your other thread.,,.

What's your DS doing now ? Can't you knock on his door and drag him downstairs to sit and chat or eat something together? Have you had some tea?

[Whatnext074]

I've eaten thanks and only had a glass as I have a long drive tomorrow. Just so sad and can't stop crying. Can't stop wondering about his excitement at spending tomorrow with OW and giving her gifts and spending their first C/mas together. I know it's not healthy, I know but I can't push it out of my head right now.

[FloWhite]

YY to R&B. Do that. Google where santa is now (regardless of how old he is).

Just do something for you both which will allow him to see you are ok.

[Whatnext074]

I'm going to see my DS now, feel so bad to do this to him. I'm sorry, it's hit me so bad tonight

[redundantandbitter]

Honey, listen most things seem better in your head than in real life - you're imagining a great day for them tomorrow. You know what, it might and might not be. PLEASE don't torture yourself , spend the time wishing food poisoning on them instead Really, he will be finding it weird. She will feel Uncomfortable. Perhaps they are regretting doing his normal Xmas trip coz frankly it's a bit shit . I can promise you it will NOT be plain sailing. Now.., chin up, what are you doing now?

[mammadiggingdeep]

Come on girl. Dig deep. Go and sit in the living room with him- cup of tea and biscuits and put some shit in tv

You should try not to think of your h and what he's thinking because you just don't know. Even if he is excited and having fun- so fucking what??? He's had to trample over you and ds to do it. He's shamed himself in front of his family and your family. Well done him. Focus on you, you and you. It's all about YOU.

[cafesociety]

what I think tonight a lot of people are a bit in limbo. I know I could cry my eyes out and wish I had a drink but there is nothing in the house.
On my own....will have some company tomorrow then won't see anyone until new year.

I think maybe tomorrow when you have something to do, a drive and then company, and lots going on to take your mind off things....you may feel better, then at least 'the day' is over.

What your mum said was tactless and thoughtless. Sounds like she isn't enjoying Christmas Eve either...

My thoughts and best wishes go out to those having a difficult Christmas.

[redundantandbitter]

Yes! Google NORAD and see SANTA! My kids have been on it all day!

[FloWhite]

Look I posted on your other thread about Chump Lady's recent post about the cake eater and apologies.

When your son is settled please do read what she says.

And have a peaceful day tomorrow.

[mammadiggingdeep]

If it makes you feel in good company I've been blabbing all night. Feel so emosh for some reason...putting my 2 beautiful girls to bed in Xmas eve, just hot me I'm doing it all alone. I'm alone and feel lonely. I just want the best for them and know its all on me to give it to them. Life's shit sometimes but I'm gonna have a cry right now then get up and grab it by the balls again and get on with it....it's all we can do what. What's the alternative??

[mammadiggingdeep]

Blubbing not blabbing! Haha- that's made me smile :)

[redundantandbitter]

So, last tango in Halifax is on (my bloody DM is still staying with me) and they are finally getting married in this episode.

So now I'm crying in the kitchen so my mum can't see, my Exp and me discussed marriage , it was going to happen, where and the outfits. He'd picked his music etc. o All gone .

And I have to f'ing hide in my own house . Feel like a friggin teenager . Fuck Bollocks poo

[redundantandbitter]

Oh and the DDs cold hearted bastard father didn't even call to speak to them on Xmas eve. Twat

[Nevergrowingup]

What, this is a shit time of year. Everyone's emotions are shot to pieces so don't be surprised that you feel you've lost the plot. Your Mum is trying to understand, but doesn't get it. Christmas is meant to be happy, whatever that is. Tensions run high. What she has said doesn't mean she doesn't care. She has gone to default mode as facing reality may be more than she can handle.

But you have got support. It may only be words on a screen but it matters. You haven't done anything wrong. You are going through intense emotions but you will come out the other side.

It doesn't matter what your ex is doing. It doesn't change anything. What will help is for you to be kind to yourself. Think about the day ahead. Think about some of the good things ahead tomorrow. Your DS will be OK. He's probably angry, but he is there for you. Work through this together.

You're not alone. X

[mammadiggingdeep]

Haha...merry Xmas all round then???

No locks to it I say!!!

[mammadiggingdeep]

That was 'bollocks to it'

Hahaha......you've gotta laugh....

[redundantandbitter]

Fick it!

Here's to typos mamma, of course you are the quorn, oops queen

[redundantandbitter]

Oh and it my first Christmas without a 'other half' since I was 16yrs and I'm 43.

Sorry what - just tell me to get my sorry ass off your thread

[mammadiggingdeep]

Typos are the way forward. Why make sense? Just confuse everyone....

What, hope you're ok...

R and b...2014 is all about you girlfriend :) you need time by yourself to find yourself- that's what I'm telling myself anyway :)

[redundantandbitter]

Could you tell my DM that I need time by myself please!!