Dior
I have been reading your thread for sometime and just wanted to express my sympathy and also my hope for the future for you. I look at my relationship with all three of my parents (mother, biological father, stepfather) and the best relationship, in fact the only real relationship, is with my mother.
The reason for this is that she is the only one who has been able to admit that she made mistakes in my childhood and that some at least of my "issues" with her are legitimate.
For me that was the start of healing, and while I hope I could have done it without that, to be honest, I am not sure.
It wasn't by any means an instant fix. But we now get on very well and have a very honest relationship.
With both fathers the sad reality is that I am not and never have been important enough to them to go through that kind of soul searching. But having even one parent who does that can transform your life, because you can finally dare to belive that you are not just "weak, bad, lazy, insert self insult here) but actually did experience the problems you think you did. It still took years, but my mother admiting "her side of it", was one of the most fundamental and life changing things that every happened to me.
Sorry, this is very long and rambling, really trying to say, there is hope, and I really really hope you experiance the validation of yourself that I got from my mothers admision.