My mother (very long, sorry, but I need help and kind words)

[Dior]

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this is my old one: spacemonkey125 at hotmail dot com ... drop me a message and i'll send you my new one (which i don't want to put here as it's my firstname dot surname at googlemail dot com!)

I'm so pleased to hear that dh is being understanding and supportive - hope you manage to get a better night's rest tonight too x

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Dior, haven't had time to read the whole thread but just wanted to send you some hugs and tell you that I am going through some issues with my mum atm and though I have clearly had a lot more love and support from mine over recent years than you have, she made some really bad decisions when we were younger, which I have confronted her about and she always gets defensive and tries to push it back on me. We are not speaking atm as a result.

I therefore envy you in a way that your mum has accepted it's her fault and is not trying to blame you (how could it be your fault? - you were a little girl and, I suspect, a very sweet and loveable little girl at that) and you will be able to move on because of her admission. But I can understand how bereft her admission must also have left you feeling.

Sounds like you have a great DH and maybe all of this will go towards helping your relationship with him. Try and just go with the pain and loneliness, honey, and be a friend to yourself and remember there are lots of people here who feel for you and care.

xx

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I'm reading Dior. I have old issues with my mum which I have clarified through counselling the last few months. Sometimes I wish I could do what you did and just tell my mum what I think and feel happened. I think I'm just frightened that she'll say it wasn't like that at all. I know it was in my heart but my mum has never been one to own her mistakes (infallible don't you know!) and I don't need to feel crushed again. Keep us updated. Big hugs to you.

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Big hugs to little Dior. This must all be really hard for you. x

at least its kind of reassuring to know that she actually does want a relationship with your son.
its a shame she has to go about showing that in a childish, passive agressive way.
i mean, it could feel a lot worse if she just simply wasn t interested in him at all.
i suppose her spending ages on drawing a picture for him is some expression of her love for him.

but... its a bit evil of her to try to imply that you are not allowing her to see your son, when its not true. its good that you nipped that little nugget in the bud. i would continue along those lines- emphasizing to your mum, sister, son etc that she is welcome to see him.

i ve a feeling i have this coming with my mother soon, after my first baby comes along in a few weeks.

Dior, you're being so brave. I can't write much at the moment because I am such a mess about my own situation. But I admire your handling of this, and I would love to give you a hug if I could. xxx

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I can understand that Dior, I feel the same atm. I think we just have to grieve that loss and feel all the feelings, no matter how painful, because by staying with what you are feeling instead of denying it you are being true to yourself and will move on. Having a great DH and children helps - yours sounds very supportive. Do you have other people to support you as well?

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Yes, I do have some very good long term friends as well as some newer ones, and also my older brother and his wife. It does help to have people who know you well as they have seen the other sides to you as well, not just the needy side! Did you say you are having counselling? I must admit I rushed out and found a counsellor when this all started because I knew I would need extra support and didn't want DH and brother to have to carry me. The counselling has been invaluable in keeping me grounded and okay about it all, I have to say. I also was lucky enough to find someone really good who I connect with really well.

Don't forget Dior, you will have good days and bad days and you will get through this. You seem like a lovely person to me. Your mother is entirely to blame for all of this and she has admitted that re the past stuff. You did nothing wrong, how could you have done? You were just a little girl. I know you feel very orphaned atm. Just allow yourself to feel it. I hope you don't mind me quoting the Desederata: "You are a child of the universe as much as the trees and the stars. You have a right to be here. Be gentle with yourself". Take care x

Sorry I missed a bit in your recent post, you are clearly still having counselling. Is it helping?

Hi Dior, I just wanted to say that I think you've been incredibly strong and brave by having that discussion with your M, and in all your actions following that.

I have a very very similar situation with my M and at the moment we're barely speaking; though this time apart has taught me that I do need to resolve this long-term. My M also hasn't made any moves towards seeing my ds, and she also never now calls him. All of this is just contributing to my anger towards her so I think you're a very strong person to be able to face all this without losing it!

Best of luck and I hope you're feeling stronger with each day x

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Sounds like a good enough word to me! Can't remember which thread you said it on Dior, but please also feel free to CAT me if I don't get there first. DS1 has been chucking up, poor love, so am going upstairs for a cuddle. x

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