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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The dating thread 65

999 replies

Queenofthedrivensnow · 03/11/2013 22:09

Grin
OP posts:
SweetSeraphim · 07/11/2013 10:50

See, to me Cynical, those allocated meeting times Hmm would say he was married. And the going away for work thing, like you say, there's no reason that he couldn't still be in contact.

You're not being too picky, honestly. If he can't muster up enough enthusiasm at this point.... fuck him. Or not Grin

HelloBoys · 07/11/2013 10:52

I'm on DoingSomething now - they had a half price offer yesterday. signed up loaded an old but not bad photo - contacted some people but no bites...

what am I doing wrong?!

Stupidhead · 07/11/2013 10:56

Cynical, I agree with below! Also, he has to do the running IMO ;)

Decided that my spontaneous date is a no-go, he wears diamond earrings ffs! But it was a laugh and he's texted a lot. Still got tall solicitor on Saturday which I'm really looking forward to! And he's just invited me to a gig in London in a fortnight!!!!! Great music taste!

dontcallmehon · 07/11/2013 10:58

Yes, I think the allocated meeting times seem very odd, I wouldn't be happy about that either.
With finding geeky guy still on POF - I know I should relax.
I was checking up on him and maybe he was checking up on me. No good will come of this checking anyway. I know he was worried that I might date others (I told him I'd had other dates arranged but had cancelled them because I liked him too much). He is insecure like that.

Stupidhead · 07/11/2013 11:06

How long have you two been seeing each other dontcall? And if he's online don't forget you are too!

CynicalOptimist · 07/11/2013 11:18

Thanks for confirming I'm not being too harsh! Him being married did cross my mind although he does have several pictures up on his profile Confused, mind you it's not my problem now Smile

Dontcall - don't worry too much that he is online, it's not good for BOTH of you to invest too much too soon, so you should both keep your options open for now.

HelloBoys - you're doing nothing wrong. This is just my experience but mid-week is a "slow" time for messages - just wait till the weekend!

dontcallmehon · 07/11/2013 11:27

Technically only 2 dates, but the first date lasted from 3 till midnight and the second date he stayed over. He said he was scared by the strength of his feelings so soon.

dontcallmehon · 07/11/2013 11:28

He's not online very often either.

Poffedoff · 07/11/2013 13:25

Dontcallme... This does sound very, very similar to how I started out with pof guy... He was very much the chaser, told me he'd been screwed around a lot and was insecure, wanted reassurances I wasn't meeting anyone else etc
The tables are turned now though and I'm feeling unsure about how much I can trust what he's saying/doing...
Just be a little cautious, don't feel you've got to reassure him too much just yet because as you do you'll find yourself committing more and more emotionally to the whole thing and it's just to early...

Bant · 07/11/2013 13:36

dontcall - from what I've seen on these threads, a man saying he's 'scared of the strengths of his feelings so soon' can be a bad sign, maybe an amber flag. The best way (probably) to address that is to suggest you just take it slow and see how you go, no long term commitments, you're still getting to know each other.

I've heard some men say it as a prelude to 'I'm not ready for this kind of commitment' and some say it because they're getting very emotionally invested which has a tendency of burning out, and they switch off.

Of course it could be innocent and honest, just be careful with it.

Cynical - the allocated meeting times sounds like he's fitting you round work and his kids. Not being in touch when he's away isn't necessarily a huge thing - I've just been traveling for work for the last few days and I was so knackered flying and in meetings that I really didn't have any time to check personal emails or think about being flirty via messages.. but the other stuff sounds a bit suspicious, almost businesslike. Canceling the date because your radar is pinging sounds perfectly reasonable to me.

Hello everyone else :)

dontcallmehon · 07/11/2013 13:36

You talk sense poffed. He's just been texting me - he's quite good at checking in everyday to see how I'm doing. I feel like I am getting a bit attached, which I knew would happen once we had sex, so it is a bit scary and uncertain for me.

dontcallmehon · 07/11/2013 13:38

Thanks Bant - I will bear it in mind. He isn't given to effusive emotion generally and is a fairly cautious type, so I'm inclined to trust him. I think he meant he was scared of getting hurt by me. Tbh - that's how I feel about him.

Poffedoff · 07/11/2013 14:04

Pof guy isn't given to effusive emotion either Dontcallme, made it all the more believable when he did tell me how he was feeling...
I don't mean to be so gloomy about it, you should be enjoying this time ALOT and not having to worry about all this... I'm six months in and still playing the game, still unsure, swinging between believing he feels the same about me and wanting to throttle him on a regular basis!

Hormonalhell · 07/11/2013 15:27

Dontcall you sound like me and prob most women about getting attached when slept together but I also think men do too but it just takes them longer. He's not done anything wrong as yet so just take it day by day.

It's such a roller coaster ride but not always fun Hmm

dontcallmehon · 07/11/2013 16:26

We've exchanged about 15 texts today, but I keep second guessing myself, wondering if I should play it cooler. He is initiating the texts though. Plus we sort of agreed to go out Monday, but I'd like him to confirm it. Feel like texting 'are we still ok for Monday' but think it might look desperate.

dontcallmehon · 07/11/2013 16:29

Actually just counted - 28 texts! He obviously likes me then, I guess.

powpow80 · 07/11/2013 17:30

I'd say he does like you all right dontcallmehon. Great news.

Aargh I have a date tonight. The rooting in the wardrobe must begin.

Hormonalhell · 07/11/2013 17:42

Good luck powpow! Loo update Grin

Sounds pretty keen Dontcallme Smile

Even though I have a date Saturday am not really excited, just fed up of the whole thing tbh

Stupidhead · 07/11/2013 17:56

How do you choose? I've got a date on Saturday. A lot of text convos with a guy I really get on with, who I would like to meet up with at sometime even to discuss future work, another who's keen but short, and another who could be a good friend in future. Oh and one more who looks like ex. Haven't met any yet bit feel guilty for chatting to them all! If Saturdays date goes well then were off to the gig in London in 2 weeks (staying over eek!) which would wipeout the others :-/

They all seem really nice guys.

Poffedoff · 07/11/2013 18:19

Don't choose any of them yet Stupidhead!
Wait until you've met them all at least once.. I'm sure they're doing the exact same thing

Poffedoff · 07/11/2013 18:22

Hormonal... You'll feel more excited about it tomorrow. I've little to no interest meeting pof guy at the moment but I know come Saturday morn I'll be buzzing!

Poffedoff · 07/11/2013 18:25

Powpow.. Remind me, who's the date again? Hate deciding what to wear for date one, two and three... After that I couldn't give a shit Grin
Worse than deciding what to wear though is the "prep" work... It's taking me longer and longer the older I get Hmm

powpow80 · 07/11/2013 18:53

Poffedoff he's one of the three guys I was hoping would ask. A year or two older than me and an engineer. Seems nice and is funny enough. Have a few common interests and have both travelled to some of the same places. Hopefully that will keep conversation going if we get stuck. Just meeting for coffee at 8. I wearing skinny jeans, pumps and a black top. I wish my face would calm down after blowdrying my hear. It's a heart attack shade of red!

saturn · 07/11/2013 18:58

Just wanted to say thank you for advice this morning...was at work so couldn't reply but had a read before I went at lunchtime. Especially gaga with the rules, kept repeating to myself that I am the prize! Date went ok I think, but don't have anything to compare against - so not sure. Turns out he drove an hour to meet me for lunch for an hour and then drove back an hour, so he must like me mustn't he? Confused

Hormonalhell · 07/11/2013 19:01

Oooooh hope it goes well powpow, he sounds nice Smile

Yes I'm sure Saturday I'll start to feel better about it, wish I could afford my hair doing Hmm