The dating thread 65

[Queenofthedrivensnow]

I ended it with one of my 6 week flings because his ex was being 'difficult'. She was, but she was only able to be because he was still too hurt by the split to detach from her/the relationship fully.

I told him I thought he needed more time alone to work through it and he agreed. I was sad for a weekend.

Morning. Hope everyone is having a nice weekend. Need to do some serious catching up on the thread. I never add anyone on fb. Don't want them creeping at my less than stunning pics (which is all of them really). Difficult ex sounds like a pita. Tough luck on her if she doesn't like him dating. It's really not any of her business.

Test old guy and said I had a great time but I think he needs a bit more time to himself. He left me a lovely voicemail. Finally a guy with manners and a bit of decency on an online dating site.

Think I might have to give Pof a skip for a while. There is no one on there that I am remotely interested in chatting too.

Had a nice date yesterday afternoon. Coffee and a lovely walk. I would see him again but don't think he is too keen. Ah well.

Bit cross today due to lack of sleep. Woken by a 4am phonecall from a guy who I kissed before (subsequently found out he has a gf). He works at sea and is only home now and then. Lives a 50 minute drive from me so not sure what he was hoping to achieve by his late night call. Couldn't get back to sleep for ages after. Rant over. Sorry

So, how do you approach people if you're interested? I've "liked" a couple of people but can't imagine messaging them first or what I would say! Do you let them come to you?

green I haven't approached anyone. I'm hoping not to either as whenever I have in the past it has never lead anywhere. Something I have noticed in the past few weeks is that a guy will generally always respond to your replies quickly and keep answering if the convo keeps going. The acid test for me is when I say "ok, I've got to go, chat tomorrow?" Whether they actually initiate then. 2 guys have got back the next day many more haven't, but always turn up again late on a Friday or Saturday night (4-5) days later. I think if I had initiated the next day they would have chatted, but only because I had initiated iykwim.

Yep, makes sense. I think I'm going to hold back a lot more than I have done in the past. Play hard to get, a little. Kind of goes against how I've always thought things should be but that's not worked so time for a new strategy!

Why did you all decide to try od? For me it was that I never really have a chance to meet different people and choosing boyfriends from within the friendship circle has NOT been successful so far! It's actually made me think about what I'm really like and who I would like to meet, which is good. I think my profile is ok and a good representation of who I am.

Yep, makes sense. I think I'm going to hold back a lot more than I have done in the past. Play hard to get, a little. Kind of goes against how I've always thought things should be but that's not worked so time for a new strategy!

Why did you all decide to try od? For me it was that I never really have a chance to meet different people and choosing boyfriends from within the friendship circle has NOT been successful so far! It's actually made me think about what I'm really like and who I would like to meet, which is good. I think my profile is ok and a good representation of who I am.

Sorry, posted twice

I'm doing it because I realised that after filling up all of my free time with a range of interesting and fulfilling hobbies, I realised that the only men I meet are too old, too young, too married, too unattractive/unattracted to me.

I started OD as I'm 37 now with a pre schooler so time for meeting people is limited to when my DD is with her dad. I'm only just about ready to start dating 11 months post split so am being cautious. In the past I have chased (I even proposed to my ex lol) and have tried to initiate with a guy earlier this year who I thought like me... I think he did initially, but within a few texts told me he wasn't looking for anything and basically tried to invite himself round for the evening... I declined. So basically I felt that the only way I could keep my dignity is to do it this way jets back to the 1950's . I probably have poor boundaries so I feel safer this way.

Well done for declining, Lahti! Sex is another thing I'm going to be very careful about, nothing against one night stands but I'm past the point where I think they're healthy or fun for me! I'd quite like to be dated for a while first.

folkgirl, at least things are upfront when you're od, there's no wondering if he's got a girlfriend and 3 kids at home, takes the uncertainty out of it

green tbh I wouldn't have minded, he v attractive, but I'm not the kind of person who can deal with it the next day wails into hanky

Me neither :(

green I have my 1st date this weekend. He doesn't look like someone that I would normally go for, but he has made me laugh and I had to do zero work to get a date. He asked within 24 hours! and has even been sending friendly texts everyday. Either he is a nice guy or a professional online dater, but that is why the date is in the daytime.

Oh how exciting! Where are you going? Daytime dates are a good idea, less pressure, maybe?

Just coffee in town, I'm absolutely bricking it
There is another guy who I like the sound of. I've asked advice about him up thread, but he is 13 years older than me. However he hasn't been rude ie asking for sex etc (the bar has been set low by other guys

13 years is acceptable, no? You'll be fab, what are you worried about specifically? I tend to clam up a bit in person sometimes and worry I seem boring.

I got a message from a guy in London who seems nice but I'm Oop Norf so not sure if its worth replying? Also, my friend who lives sort of Midlandsish got a message from him too! So maybe he's just messaging loads of people all over the place?

13 years just sounds like a lot, but I suppose it isn't really. I'm most worried about being taken for a ride tbh or being stood up. It's very nerve wracking, but it has been fun chatting so far.

green I'm too polite and answer anyway, but like you say... What is the point?

I think that some people do send out mass messages. Last night 1 guy sent me the exact same message 2 hours apart.

Have you read the rules of od on page 1 of this thread? I'm going to tape them to my fridge! I guess you've got to have the mindset that anyone rude enough to stand you up has done you a favour. I bet he won't though! He's seemed keen so far

I've read them, I'm just a natural worrier.

Welcome to the newest arrivals
You'll find lots of great advice here ladies to help you through the heady world of od!

I had a really fun night with pof guy on Friday, he stayed over and we spent all day Saturday together too which was lovely.
He said the "l" word... Twice!! But, he was very, very drunk lol
He was a bit worse for wear after I dropped him to get his bus so I called to check that he got home ok, he was only starting out on the journey so he said he'd text when he got home..
That was 10 last night... I haven't heard a word since despite texting him twice to check he was ok!!
Wtf... Seriously

Gaga I've been thinking about you today, how has the communication been with himself?

Do you think he might be a bit embarrassed, Poffed?

That's strange, poffed. Unless his phone has run out of battery or something?

Geeky texted me to ask if could shave his stubble off and just have a tash for Movember. I said he could, but I might not like it. He said he wouldn't then. I was secretly quite pleased. And also pleased that he'd asked me first!