The dating thread 65

[Queenofthedrivensnow]

queen what was 'the talk'? Pleased for you

dont great news

I'm one for being completely honest too, can't see the point in lying. I want a man to want me for who I am.

Sporadic texts from supermarket man, very short and to the point. He just text me saying problems at home, won't be able to text much.

So after a great two days, back to reality with an enormous thud
His ex has the 2 DC's and by sounds of it playing the emotional blackmail card.

Great

queen same here, I find men get put off by some jobs, and I can't see why it matters

The talk when you ask what the status of the relationship is. GY very keen to get a straight answer about whether we were 'officially seeing each other' I said yes and he looked quite relieved.

Oh that talk excellent

Okay.. Anyone got a match account that could do me a favour? Niggling doubt

Sorry gaga I haven't.

May I ask another question?... I have just been chatting to a new guy, he has been very upfront about being divorced following his wife's affair 7 years ago. He has also asked where my ex is (as I have a DD ie is he miles away/abroad) and if I was divorced and why did we split? I was a bit surprised he asked tbh, but I can understand that perhaps he doesn't want to get involved with someone who may get back with their ex or if there is a an issue with the ex and access to kids. Is this a red flag or just sensible - I'm new to this and am aware that I can either be too open or the opposite and cone across as rude.

Gaga - is supermarket guy definitely single? Why wouldn't he be able to text much because his ex has the dcs? Sorry - have come across so many non single people on the sites, am probably too suspicious.

The kinky one who seems more interested in kink than me is still chatting away despite me saying firmly I didn't think what we were looking for is compatible.

Am messaging someone who turns out to live about 10 mins walk away - is that too close?! -and might have coffee next week.

Chatting to another couple of potentials as well.

Broken - sorry can't advise about FB as never use - do you want to accept? At least it means he wants to be open with you I guess. Am glad it's going welll so far

Lahti - what do you feel comfortable telling him? I think it's probably better not getting into too much detail about exes too soon, but I guess it's natural to ask some basics. And asking how much the dc see your ex might be a way of ascertaining if you get much free time to pursue relationships.

Thanks splish I told that I didn't want to discuss my break up, but there wasn't an affair involved. He didn't push it and has been very pleasant in all his messages . Trouble is I have been very naive in the past. I'm trying to keep good boundaries.

Thanks splish yes unfortunately I have wondered the same tonight, why can't he text me? If he was home alone tonight there wouldn't be an issue surely
Perhaps too much on my part.

He made a comment though last night about how many viewings his profile was still getting I've cancelled my membership so just wandering if he is still on there.

lahti sounds like a pretty normal inquisitive chat! answer what you are happy too

I've just read your last post.

If you PM me his name, I'll be happy to look for you.

Gaga - he might just go on to check messages I suppose, if his subscription hasn't run out yet... have you mentioned you're no longer on there, and see what he says? And yes, if his dc are with his ex, even if he is having issues with his ex, surely it would be good distraction to be in contact with you? Have you ever been to his home?

Yeah he says he goes on there as he is not allowed to cancel his membership yet, not sure why that necessitates logging in.. No I've not been to his house yet, he always comes to mine.

He has described her as 'unhinged' before now, apparently she didn't take the news of him dating very well, and is threatening to move away with DC's

Hello all, can I join you? I've just taken the plunge and filled out my guardian soulmates profile. Bit nervous but just hoping I'm not coming as across as thick/boring/nutcase. Not sure what I'm expecting, even!

Gaga - I don't know - could all be innocent, but I'd be a bit wary of someone saying such negative things about their ex, and I wonder why he would feel compelled to tell her anyway... Is there any reason why you haven't been to his? I know you like him and I hope nothing is amiss, but I don't blame you for wondering what's going on.

Welcome Just - well done for taking the plunge!

Hope all is well and your worries are unfounded, gaga

welcome just

So his profile has been checked by a lovely MN,
he has been online within 24 hours . I do get that he could go online just to check, but I still don't like it.

I'm going to play it cool for for a few days, if he does really like me he will 'grow a pair' and do something about his ex

Welcome just have a look back in the thread for the rules of OD, they do help

I know I said a few days ago that I was getting weary of the whole OD thing. But this week I haven't really seen anyone new on there that I like.

I'm at the point where I can remember men's entire profiles just from looking at their pictures!

I emailed a rather attractive man last night who looked like someone I'd be interested in but he really lives further away than is ideal.

Broken everyone has pics of their ex on their Facebook. Do you suspect that's going to be a problem for him? Major red sign if so.

Personally I wouldn't add someone after a few dates. What's the point etc? It just seems like a way for them to trawl through your digitial footprint. And if it goes wrong you then either have an annoying stranger popping up or you have to delete which adds an unwarranted petty note.

But heck I haven't added the guy I've been seeing for six months. But I'm not really a big Facebooker.

And Lahti I think it's unusual to ask all that in messages. I just can't imagine why it would come up if you're still trying to impress, attract and get to know one another. But maybe dating is different in the post-kid stage. I think it's unusual and unhealthy for people to start bringing up exes or reasons for breakdowns in early dates, and doubly so as a screener pre-date. Our romantic/sexual selves are not just the sum part of our history so why launch into it so early? I suspect it's a bigger problem for people who have been married 15-20 years, but it's still not healthy.

stranger I think dating is different in the post kids stage!

Lahti I wouldn't give anyone details as to why we split up but I do make it clear that there is no animosity; that the children spend time with their dad and that we still do things together (attend parents evening/music performances etc).

I think that when you get involved with someone who has children it's reasonably to want to know the kind of relationship they have with their ex so that you know what you are getting into.

Thank alittlestranger and folkgirl he was married for 20 years with no kids. I was married for 11 with divorce now in final stages and 1 DD. I just said that ex was nearby and we are amicable.

G'argh! I might be nipping to see my ex today, yeah i still have feelings but he doesn't..so I know I have to move on. But tonight is the only night I can make a date with the little Dave Grohl lookalike, due to my work and his acess for his daughter, for two weeks. He's really keen and on paper pretty perfect - apart from his height. And although he loves his punk and rock (like me) I'm more a kind of drinking pints and smoking rollies type of girl whereas I imagine he'd cry in sympathy with me if I had a heavy period..which would drive me mad.

Oh, for the rest of you (I've forgotten the names!) I used to add potential or proper dates on FB to suss out their history or if they were married! Caught one that way..but again, my FB is full of me and the ex so I haven't added anyone.

And the not texting because he had the kids and the ex isn't happy? Red flags, I'm sorry but that isn't right. A friend of mine had her heart broken twice by guys who said their exes were jealous over them dating. IMO (which counts for shit!) either deep down they're (the guys) are still hung up or the split is too new. Says me having a brew with my ex who I still like....

I wish I could dry clean my brain.

Oh and Match, why do they send me emails full of impossibly beautiful men who want to meet me (!!!) but when I joined (for a week) they all looked like an Uncle Fester/Richard Whitely hybrid?