The dating thread 65

[Queenofthedrivensnow]

And bant steps back from the thread for a little while...

I get the cute thing. I've often had to stop myself saying "aww, it reminds me of a dormouse".

I agree with FolkGirl. There are some fantastic cocks out there! My recent ex fling had a lovely body and the most perfect cock to go with it [sigh], but I wouldn't have been at all impressed had he sent me a picture of it, even though it was the sort I'd want to make a cast of. He could've been a cock model, LOL. So far no-one has sent me a cock pic which I'm glad about. The nearest I've got is a pic of a topless man with a towel round his waist.

Oh yes, my exfling could have been a cock model. It was a vision of cockular perfection!

It has ruined all willies for me for evermore...

Will you two stop being 'cocky' poor Bant has run off now....

Well just to change the conversation away from cocks for a moment...I went on a third date tonight and really enjoyed it...so why do I suddenly feel so insecure? Is this normal? He's actually e-mailed and said he had an amazing night and he hopes I enjoyed it too...don't understand why I feel so insecure about this all of a sudden...

Also, for those who are more experianced daters...we went for drinks and I offered to pay for second round, but he said he would (he also paid for lunch last week) should I just let him pay or should I be insisting? Not sure

Come back, Bant! Don't go!!!

I suppose Saturn it could be that now you've had a great 3rd date you're possibly on the verge of 'going out' with each other.

I don't know. I think after a 3rd date, and an amazing one at that, I'd want to know where it was going.

Could that be it?

Hello all, I'm so glad to have found this thread and to read all of your experiences. I've been OD for the past 2.5 months and been on about 7 dates so far, none of which were quite right for various reasons.
Finally started chatting online and texting someone I thought could have real potential - he actually wrote proper emails - intelligent, well considered, articulate - we seemed to have loads in common from our profiles, he is good looking (without being overly so).

Had a first date last night which really seemed to go well - conversation flowed, he was charming and interested/interesting, date lasted til midnight, had a kiss at the end...

Then today, nothing, no text/email from him, and I can see he's been online (GSM) today. So I'd rather resigned myself to the fact that he's not interested (I'd texted him this morn).
But it was still hurtful to get the dreaded "I had a great time, lovely to meet you, but I'd prefer not to take things further" text from him about an hour ago.

My confidence is at rock bottom - questions for you fellow daters:

• How do you stop over analysing everything you said/did on a date and wondering exactly why they didn't like you??
• How to get the confidence back?
• How to stop feeling mortified (I practically launched myself on the poor guy for a kiss!!)

General question - who else is on GSM, and anyone else finding a severe shortage of decent looking men in the 35-40 category??

Sorry, I realise this is a bit of a long rant!

Thanks folk, I think maybe you're right...obviously dating (hopefully) leads to 'going out' but it's been such a long time since I've been going out with someone it does seem a bit of a scary prospect now

Saturn I agree with FolkGirl sometimes when it seems like something is going somewhere it suddenly becomes all a little bit scary, well for me anyhow!!

With paying for things - completely up to you I think, whatever you're comfortable with. I always offer to split bills but will accept when my date pays. When it comes to rounds of drinks I will often buy at least one round but sometimes do it before they get a chance to offer IYSWIM with some guys who seem to not like me paying for stuff, then I feel uncomfortable not paying my share! Funny.

Evening everyone
at the cock stories, although please come back bant

So I went out for a whole day with supermarket man today, walk, lunch then 90 mins of go-karting which was actually tremendous fun, time flies by when we are together.

Think it needs to move on in the bedroom department as it's been a few stolen moments quickies in various places but he is taking me away end of the week, it will be our first night together!

I intend on smuggling in a bottle of fizz, then getting him slightly tipsy before we explore each other some more, sorry if TMI

oneday sounds like a perfect birthday to me, sounds very promising.

Just catching up on the thread..

saturn I like to take it it turns to pay for things, but then I'm quite independent

I'm not going, I just don't feel I have much to contribute to the cute penis discussions :)

tiger - it's very unlikely it was something you did or said. Various people can come up with various explanations for spark or chemistry, or lack thereof. Some of them are more correct than others, but you really can't control how someone else feels about you. If its not happening, it's not happening.

It will happen with someone else though. It generally does. Thick skin, keep on plugging away and take a break if you need to. The rules are somewhere in this thread, they really do help

Thanks Bant.
I know, and I guess I've done the same to men - met nice guys but just didn't feel the spark, even though they were nice...
Guess I'll have to develop a thicker skin!

I'm used to paying my own way, which is why I feel a bit uncomfortable about it...but didn't want to make a big deal of it by insisting...

Glad today went so well gaga

Sorry tiger, I can't advise as new to all this...but hopefully someone else can xx

Tiger I think a "I don't want to take it further" is far easier to take than dealing with the crappiness of blowing hot and cold etc.

I've decided to be really pragmatic about it. If someone doesn't fancy me, then that's it - they just don't fancy me.

When I don't fancy someone, it's not anything personal. I just don't. It can't be explained.

You're right Folkgirl, I definitely prefer straightforward honesty and an upfront 'no thanks' than radio silence or game playing...

I agree, nothing is worse than radio silence. I'd prefer to be told, I think you can move on quicker. Just had amazing third date with geeky guy, which started at the cinema and ended in my bed . He just left as he has work in the morning but we were staring into each other's eyes and not wanting to go.

Ah that's fab dont its weird when you have a great day! then saying goodbye, it's like a parallel universe for me. Once he has gone its back to being mum

Tigerbear, sorry to hear of you knockbacks. I don't know what to suggest other than the usual "throw yourself into things you like doing". Anything to try and minimise dwelling on the situation, even if you have to make a conscious effort to stop analysing it. I had some CBT to stop trains of negative thoughts and found it so useful; I used to think myself into knots and get really upset, but now things are easier. However, I do envy people with thick skins, who can just shrug things off, because I'm not naturally like that. I wonder how they do it too.
Also, I think it's possible to be attractive and good company but for the other person not to feel the "chemistry", so I remind myself that I'm not ugly or boring, just that the man didn't "feel" it IYSWIM.

Saturn, my ethos with bill paying is that I'll take turns on rounds of drinks, I offer to pay my share of a meal but won't argue with them if they insist on paying it all (unless I know I don't want to see them again). The more I like someone the more I'm open to them paying because I'm hoping for another date where I can repay the favour.

Glad you're "back", Bant

Well it looks like my latest fling with the detective has come to an end. I just got fed up of being constantly cancelled on at last min - I know he has to work hard but I can't have a relationship where I'm constantly left hanging and wondering if I'll see him or not. I haven't told him my decision, I've just decided to back right off and see what happens. Realised it's me doing all the leg work, arranging dates only for him to cancel them. I deserve better than that. I am a bit gutted though as I did rather like him.

So now I'm wondering should I go back to POF for a look around or wait until next year? Concerned that there might be an influx of emotional f**kwits around looking not to be alone at Christmas at this time of year!

Tiger - Sounds like you are doing all the right things and as horrid as it must have been to receive that text at least you know where you stand. Get back on the wagon!

Saturn - I always offer to pay my half but I'm a bit old fashioned at heart and like the man to pay if he's asked me out!

Oh penguin I really feel the heavy heartedness of that sigh

I think you're doing the right thing by backing off. If he's really interested and has just been resting on his laurels a bit until now, then he's going to buck his ideas up. If not, then at least you're not wasting any more time on him.

Doesn't make it any easier though, does it?

Thanks Folk, feeling a bit teary about it now I've just read my post back! I just can't seem to get this dating malarky right. It's like I have an in-built twat radar! 12 months of online dating has resulted in 3 flings and every single time I've been let down. Starting to wonder if most men are this flaky or if it's just the ones I'm attracted to?

Enough of feeling sorry for myself - nothing that tea and chocolate biscuits can't fix I'm sure!