The dating thread 65

[Queenofthedrivensnow]

Wow I disappear from the thread for 3 days and there's acres to catch up on!!

Welcome to all the toe-dippers :-)

Folkgirl: Definitely good call on cutting loose both those guys....when I was reading about your date with the Italian I was seeing red flags pop up even before you got to the bit where he changed his mind and decided to go on the other date anyway!!! Lol.

So......my update. I had a wonderful weekend and it was mostly thanks to housemate guy. It was my birthday on Saturday and I was being a grumpy git not wanting to celebrate it. But he turned up on my doorstep in the afternoon with a gorgeous bunch of flowers in my favourite colours, being all very lovely, we hung out, then went out to the cinema, then for dinner, then back to mine until Sunday morning. Lovely little phone calls Sunday night and last night too. This one has chemistry, sparks and loveliness all over it.....we also had big conversations about those potential dealbreakers (sex and religion) and well I won't bore everyone, but my mind was put at rest on both those issues. Very grown up and mature of us to be able to discuss those elephants at such an early stage, even if it was rather wine fuelled! I really quite like this one. We have plans to spend next Saturday together too and maybe dinner on Wednesday, work permitting. And lots of ideas have been mentioned from both of us about places we'd like to take the other too ''some time''. It's all quite exciting :-)

I don't really get it hormonal. I'm lovely to everyone on a date, even if I don't see it going anywhere. But there's a difference between being polite, charming and sweet and saying things that you just don't mean.

I suppose, I just really wanted to believe that I'd met someone who found me attractive and liked me and thought I was interesting. I am aware that I have, um, a quirkiness about me that isn't to every man's (or many men's tastes) and he seemed to just 'get' me.

I mean he wasn't perfect by any stretch of the imagination, and not the best looking man in the world... but he was actually really honest and upfront about what he wanted (and still was to be fair, which is why I was able to make the decision I did!), and we were very compatible in very many ways.

I had a reply from him saying "I had a lovely time too and I really liked you. So I will look for no one else." I'm not going to reply.

I suppose it's hard to not feel deflated and wonder what's wrong with you. If I may be self indulgent for a second... my parents openly didn't love me, I managed to marry someone who didn't love me and be with them for 13 years (latter probably linked to the former) and I'm nearly 40. I'm not bad looking, I have a reasonably good figure, I'm educated, I have friends/hobbies/interests. I have my children. But it's beginning to present itself to me that I may end up getting to the end of my life with no one ever having loved me. And that just makes me sad, because I think I'm an ok sort of a person.

Anyway, enough of that

As much as anything, I feel like I've trawled through the profiles so many times and there just isn't anyone else I'd be interested in!

Thanks oneday :)

FolkGirl I've just been skimming, but the problem is with him. It's completely unnecessary and not helpful to talk about cancelling other dates on your first date. There's an acceptable veil of ignorance that we draw over OD. Everyone knows in the early days that people are multi-dating and shopping around. But you don't bloody talk about it. He's inept and I'd take that as a bit of a red flag. (But I see you've blocked him anyway).

I think I went on about 30-35 first dates before meeting my BF, and I imagine I'll put myself on the merry-go-around again in the future. It's really fine, I think the emotional investment in those 30-35 people was equal to about 5ml of adrenaline.

Thanks stranger. Yes you're right, there's no way I'd cancel other dates after the first date. After all, my date on Saturday night was a second date and I had another planned for this week (but cancelled that for other reasons).

But as you say, you don't talk about it.

"I'm still a bit emotionally not over the last relationship"
then dont get involved with anyone until you are, mate! Jeez. In my experience men like this run a mile from a relationship once they feel better, leaving emotional distruction in their wake. I'd run a mile personally, they're likely to be mind fucks. If I wanted to give him a chance I'd have my barriers right up and find out exactly what's going on in his head.

Aw, what a shame FolkGirl. I know where you're coming from though. Why make a big deal about how wonderful you are, say he's going to cancel the other date, then tell you he's not going to after all. Too up and down. I expect men to date other women until we get to know each other and decide to be exclusive, but I wouldn't expect them to tell me about them.

I'm also wary of men who are too full on too quickly, because how can they feel so much for me when they don't even know me. "R" (man4) is like that and the more he gushes the more I go off him; I don't like being put on a pedestal. He's even given me a nickname (some fictional heroine) and talks as though I'm some warrior princess! Gah! He called me last night (at 10pm FFS!) to arrange a 2nd date for next week, but I'll probably cancel it because I'm not sure I even like him any more. I thought he was interesting at first, but now I just find him intense, humourless and draining (especially compared to my Man5, "MrK" who is pretty silly).

Livid et al I know I should run screaming for the hills. Clearly I am an idiot and have decided to meet him for a drink or two on Thursday (nothing better on). I'll be sussing out what the story with last relationship was. Definitely do not need to be left in the wake of a man who can't figure out where he is at.

Folk I've been on 40+ first dates. All you can do is plough on. I see it as a numbers game. The more people you meet the more likely you'll find someone great. It does get disheartening at times. If I am a bit down about it I just take a break.

Crikey Livid that is a bit much!

He wasn't over the top or too gushing or anything.

I'd like to take a break powpow, but my subscription is up at the end of December anyway. The last thing I need is to be on there when there is a glut of New Year singles!

Oneday it sounds like things are going amazingly.

folkgirl, you did the right thing ditching Italian guy. There was no need to tell you about his other date at all! I experienced love bombing on a first date once and it didn't go at all well!

I did cancel dates after my first date with geeky guy and I told him so. It was just because I properly liked him. He's not seeing anyone else either and he hasn't been on POF looking (though I have to stop going on to check!!).

Date with geeky guy tonight at the cinema...

I know I have a slightly cynical point of view, but I think if a man says 'I'm still a bit emotionally over the last relationship' what he's doing is laying the groundwork for shagging and dumping, so he can turn round and honestly say 'I told you so..'

Someone on this thread once said - listen to what the guy tells you. Don't try and fix him, don't try and twist it so it fits some fairy tale. If he's telling you the truth, you should pay attention.

Yes that's true Bant one of my very many dates was with a guy who I did like. We had two dates and on the second one he told me that he didn't want anything serious and basically wanted a fuck buddy. I didn't want that and told him so it went nowhere. He still chats to me from time to time on pof. Don't think he found anyone willing as yet

Thanks for your perspective Bant. I shall proceed with caution and iron knickers!

whenever anyone mentions iron knickers, I can't help but wince and think of pinching and rust..

ow

Lol at the pinching and rust. I know you all probably think I'm mad for going on the date with this guy, but it's a few hours out of my time and if he is woe is me or just looking for a good time I won't see him again. Have never dated someone that much older than me and its curiosity that is driving me to go. (He also looks pretty good for a man his age). I know I know it killed the cat but I'm well able to walk away if something is not what I want.

Good luck Pow!
Go for it, unless they're boring or hideous then I'd go on a date. Just think of them as mini adventures and a couple of drinks instead of 'he is/isn't mr right'.

My tall solicitor has set up a possible date for Friday so I hope I fancy him. Well I did hope anyway, he texted me a cock picture...then called and apologised when I hadn't replied - I'd actually fallen asleep and hadn't seen it then.. Oh dear :(

Got a lovely guy as a possible for Sunday but he's short :(

Why do they do that Stupidhead???? I just will never understand why men think showing u a picture of their cock is going to somehow sway things to their favour....or is it just me who thinks that? I just think it's weird

Not a fan of the cock pics either. I like a man to keep some bit if mystery about what's in the trouser department. Personally I wouldn't go on a date with a guy who sent a cock pic. To me it is making his intentions pretty clear.

Some men just think if they've got an impressive cock it's game over sadly they are usually big cocks in more than one way.

Indeed. My favourites are the ones where guys put something like the sky remote next to it for scale. Aha ha ha.

Haha at sky remote! When I was online dating 3 years ago I was sent about 7 different cock pics! This one guy sent me one and asked for a picture of my pussy so I sent a pic of my cat asleep on the bed :)

Men huh! The jury's out on cock pic guy, he's gone right down in my estimation BUT phoned me - first time we've talked properly - and was mortified so he's getting another chance. Btw, it was quite impressive :0 didn't tell him that though..

Oh god that made me laugh powpow

Maybe we should put watermelons at side of our boobs n send them......perhaps lemons at side of mine

I've never had a cock picture.

Thank goodness! It would be an automatic rejection from me.

One of my OD 6wk flings was with a man with the most marvellous cock I have ever seen. It was truly a thing of beauty. But I still would not have been impressed to have received a photo of it...

I like your style, Stupidhead

Don't think I've ever seen a cute cock. They all look quite ugly to me

Not this one, hormonal. It was quite... captivating!