Edit: It actually does hurt slightly less

[Alchemist]

DH left on Thursday. We have not been good for a while and he has decided that after nearly 20 years he wants out. He told me he hates me.

Our DCs 9 and 7 are reacting in different ways. The eldest has withdrawn to his room. The youngest has basically raged, wept and begged for me to let him come back and won't accept it wasn't me making him go.

I saw my GP yesterday and have some diazepam which is helping to take the edge of but I am in agony. I don't know what I am going to do. While this is vile I know the OW will soon be popping up and I don't know how I am going to manage as I am just putting one foot infont of the other now. He is denying it, of course, but I do know.

How can I keep helping the DCs if I can't sort myself.

Alchemist, how was your H with the dcs when he was with you? Hands on, or distant? Hard to believe that anyone could say that about their own children!!

On Sunday H came in to fix my laptop, I was talking about how I am letting the DC go to the park about 3 mins from our home and how I expected them to come back each 30 mins (I check about 10 mins, next 10 mins and then they are back).

I told him this in this happy, yet mundane, voice i.e. this is what the DC are doing and this is what I think Is reasonable. He did not raise his head to his DD from the laptop or to me and then grunted. DD just walked away and would not come down to say bye. DS was reading his book zand didn't say bye either.

HOW did I live all those years with him and not see this/him? I do take some responsibility but I know I would not behave that way. Well, easy to say now the situation is now but I don't think I would behave the same. I don't know. I wish he would go away.

I could really hurt him physically when I think of him saying he is still happy to see DC.

I could hurt him. I am not proud.

Just caught up.

about his attitude towards the DC - sounds like they already see him for who he is. Why do you take responsibility for their relationship?! Its all down to him, not you.

Yowsers. Just when you think he can't lower the bar any further....

MissS has it spot on. You have no responsibility for his relationship with his children other than to stay calm and neutral and firmly on the higher moral ground. Your job is to make sure he has the access he wants - and if that is only once a week, well, his look out. The kids won't thank him for any of this and that will be his burden - and deservedly so.

GLad to hear that the GC is indeed a Gentleman and that DDog has landed.

Thanks

I was talking to a friend this weekend and he thinks H is saying these things to take a direct hit at me and it worked. Possible I suppose but I still can't get past this is all what he wanted, so why would he behave like this? He is a prick so could be.

Bah, much nicer to talk about Pup! She is just heaven and we all love her. She really has brought so much happiness into the house in such a short time.

I decided to postpone GC last Friday as I started the hrt bleed and, of course, PUP. I didn't want to go out but we are meeting next Friday. Actually, this suits me more than slipsliding into a more regular meeting. I'm not ready for that and I don't want itg.

Anyway, .

So, this sums me up atm /

Our Most Lovely Dog Ever is a pure delight and I adore her. Both DC are just as smitten. She's just so bloody lovely .

Gentleman Caller is still very nice too.

I look back at even a couple of months ago and can't believe I am here. You cannot know how much this thread gave me help, support and kindness. I am grateful for this.

Not sure if I have mentioned The Most Lovely And Delightful Dog Ever...

Aw, lovely to hear about DDog!

It is amazing to see how far you've come. I know I didn't post till quite late on, but lurked from the beginning, always feeling for you and always aghast at just how shockingly badly your H was behaving, in every way...

That's about the only thing that hasn't changed, sadly - HowGoodIsthat expressed my exact thoughts with "Just when you think he can't lower the bar any further" - but the way you react to him and deal with his vileness has changed so much.

Anyway - sorry he's been so unforgivably horrible yet again, it's like he's competing for some kind of man destroys his own humanity award.... But you're moving on and getting over him and forging a lovely, lovely new life for you and your DC. It must be hard still on their account, they deserve so much better from their "father", but I'm sure you've made sure they know that none of this is their fault in the slightest, and that and the constancy of your love will carry them through all this, sounds like it already is doing!

Big hugs to you. And one for DDog!

just lovely to read your update.

Tis indeed ace to hear that you are about life. I came to your thread relatively late and was awed by your good sense and remarkable grace. I think this thread should be an inspiration to anyone undergoing one of life's unexpected "challenges" - not only to your handling of the whole situation and your level of self-awareness but also the good of MN and the support of women to other women.

Onwards!

Soooo, he has left the woman he left me for a much younger woman. I think H and his DB are sharing a really bad mid-life crisis .

H's Dsis took it upon herself to telephone me and list my extensive faults and slights to her and The Family. I didn't even argue, just let her hate me. Apparently I am trailer trash . She paused for breath and I told her to fuck off and hung up. Then the texts started, more blah, then I asked her if she "was on glue?" then blocked her.

Oh well, proved her point! and raised her blood pressure.

DD had a horrible accident and is being seen by the best hospital in the SE for burns/scalds. I had my skin grafts there years ago. This happened when H had DC for a few days. I almost felt sorry for him but saved that for DD.

I did spend a few days randomly crying and have felt shit but had a night out last night, nice day with DC today and am now balanced again. But I still wanted to post here x

So your exH has moved into ANOTHER woman?? OMG!!

Mid life crisis definitely!

Hope your DD gets better soon. The accident happened in your exHibition care?

I don't want to say more about DD but the accident was a complete accident as much as I want to blame H.

I have just finished Skeletons by Jane can't remember, the story hit home a few times and I think why I ty[ed "The Family" above. Felt a bit like the family in this book.

Another woman! After his other, other woman! What an absolute wankstain my H is. Makes me shudder

Although I suppose she isn't an other woman really, H is still a wankstain.

DD will, in the end, be fine but will have some scars. Of course I think she has lovely skin but this has made me sad. Although nasty she doesn't appear to be in much pain, just a dose of calpol has helped. Back to hospital next Thursday.

oh my goodness. I can't believe it. I'm so sorry for your dd and hope she is OK. just when things started to settle into some kind of new reality for you too.

and as for your ex...words fail me quite frankly. what an utter knob.

Just looked at my posts, they are done in the order of events not importance. My poor lass.

However the bairns are sleeping and so will I.

Thank you. Thank you again

OMG your poor DD, so sorry to hear. How awful for you too. Glad she's getting the best possible treatment.

As for your H.... And his delightful sister.... It must be so weird to have loved this man for so long, and then realise now that he's not the person you thought he was at all, but someone else. Someone not at all nice. Horrible.

Extra for you and your wee girl.

Just read your absolutely wonderful thread, OP. You are an inspiration to me and you do write very well, I must say.

But I just wanted to say that you should give your daughter vitamin E. One a day or whatever the daily dosis is and break one over her scar everyday. Particularly if it is a burn, vitamin E is marvellous.

Woah! Bit gushy as have had mates about today and, while the dcs had lemonade, the adults did not .

Hospital on Thursday for DD and then we are going to the llama farm on nthe way back. She doen't know this .

I must stop all the , my face aches! All not sorted but life is so much better.

OH YES!

DD will have some scarring but it will be minimal . DS had the most excellent week at school and I am very proud of him. DDog is just heaven. DCat is not pleased but still visits for food. Gentleman Caller called on Friday and gave me a Kilmarnock Willow (not a euphemism!).

Oh man, I love that dog . Life is good.

Glad to hear, Alch

We could open a florist's...

I'm really glad about your dd.

really glad about gentleman caller

and even more glad about ddog and everything seeming to get better for u