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Original poster

Offered a housing association house but partner and his family want me to private rent

148 replies

jacinta1 · 30/10/2013 13:51

I currently have a one bed housing association flat. Now my baby is almost 2 weeks old I have been offered a small 2 bed housing association home in a nice area. The house itself could be bigger and doesn't have much of a garden but has the added bonus of being a former private home so not in an estate. And I am very lucky to get a HA home!
At the moment I am living with my partner's family in a beautiful area of the UK where there is no social housing. His family want me to stay in the area and this means either live with them (not a long term solution) or rent privately (since I have been offered social housing this seems daft to me).
The house I have been offered is an hour away from my partner's work so would reduce our income a lot in fuel costs each day but he is currently in a job he hates and looking for other work so I can't see how this is a problem.
His family say the house I have been offered is in a rough area (it isn't at all it's just not in an ultra-posh area like they live) and I wouldn't want to live there.

I am happy to live in the house by myself and my partner stay at his parents home if the area is too beneath him! I would prefer to live in the area I am in now but there is no social housing there. I really think it's daft to reject social housing for private renting but what do you guys think? Do the advantages really outweigh the negatives? Am I being stubborn?
I am very poor at the moment so would struggle to keep up with the rent if I rented privately. I am entitled to some Housing Benefit but only half my rent.
I guess I'm asking, is private renting that bad? I just don't like the idea of having such an insecure home

OP posts:
ToTheTeeth · 31/10/2013 21:03

I'm so glad you've taken the house OP, it's a wise choice.

Your in-laws sound like cunts. I'm inclined to say you don't have to explain yourself to them.

To your partner, I would say that you can only afford this house, he's unable to provide you with an alternative and you have to do what is best for your child, which is to provide it with stability.

I think it's bloody outrageous if they refuse to help you move.

cjel · 31/10/2013 21:11

Hope you have a peaceful night OPx

SELondonSwede · 31/10/2013 21:26

I remember your last thread well. Congratulations on your baby!!
Jacinta, your IL do not sound like nice people. You need security for yourself and baby which is within your budget. Well done for achieving this and accepting the house.
I am concerned reading your posts as I feel that there is more to it. Are there any cultural circumstances which mean that your IL word weigh so heavily?
I am concerned that you are being bullied and pressurised at such a sensitive time in your life.

NotAnotherNewNappy · 31/10/2013 21:31

Sorry, haven't read whole thread but FGS grab this HA place with both hands and never look back. It will give you and your baby security, independence and may even one day lead to you owning your own home (did for me). Do this for your baby, or you'll regret it.

AdoraBell · 31/10/2013 21:47

Jacinta

I would be saying Fuck off, but if you want To be polite then tell them you only have To be fair on your baby, because she is dependant on you and so you have To provide her with the stability she needs.

And No, they can't do that for her because she is your child and not their's. (Apologies if you have a DS, just seem To recall mention of a DD)

AtticusMcPlatypus · 31/10/2013 21:48

Grab the HA house with open arms. Seriously it will provide you with much more security than a private rent and more than likely you will, when you can afford it in time, make it a proper little home for you, your DP and baby. We moved into a HA house 14 years ago when i was pg with DS and tbh its by far our best move. As we've been able to afford it, we've redecorated, put jn a new kitchen and really made jt our home. You could never do that in a private rent. Not only that, our rent is half the price of an equivalent private rent in our area. Don't forget that after a certain amount of time, you may be able to swap with someone else on Homeswapper for a bigger house, different area etc. Good luck with the move :)

Original poster
jacinta1 · 31/10/2013 22:07

Thanks guys. Just to clarify, I already have a housing association flat so it's not like I'll ever be forced to private rent. I got given my flat two years ago as my landlord took a fancy to me and kept coming round to 'check the house'. The landlord I had before that did similar but via text and it was awful. I can't believe I have been pressurised into considering private rent. Things are very hard at the moment but I am back to visit my family on Friday and being away from the dp's family will be really good for me. I do feel bad for moving baby far from my dp but I don't have a better alternative. My dp does not mind the travel time it's simply a cost issue. Shall view the house tomorrow and take it tomorrow. So nervous! It's quite a Journey and little one is small still. Also have little money so scared I am taking on too much. Things are strained at the moment but soon I will have a lovely little house :-)

OP posts:
Original poster
jacinta1 · 31/10/2013 22:13

I can't ask for money from dp for things for the house as he doesn't want to live in the house or area

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 31/10/2013 22:15

'I can't ask for money from dp for things for the house as he doesn't want to live in the house or area'

He has a legal requirement to pay for his child no matter what.

Geckos48 · 31/10/2013 22:16

Its not just the security of tenure, its the ability to make it yours.

You can decorate a HA house, you can sort it out how you like it, put stuff on the walls, change it about a bit.

Its yours :)

Original poster
jacinta1 · 31/10/2013 22:17

He has been great helping me financially with baby stuff and food etc but if I want to take this house I feel I need to do it alone as if it's not something he wants I can't ask him to help me with it

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 31/10/2013 22:19

Your last post goes back To him not being much of a partner.

And as expat said, he is legally obliged To pay for his child regardless of what áreas he likes.

Geckos48 · 31/10/2013 22:19

Its the house his child will live in though, he cannot just pretend that isn't the case.

He has to help you move! That would be honouring your decision, to not help you would be a bit like he was forcing his decision onto you...

expatinscotland · 31/10/2013 22:20

Why the fuck NOT? It's his daughter's home. Wouldn't you want your child to live in the best place possible? If you had the means, wouldn't it be so important you wouldn't even need to be asked?

This person acts like a glorified sperm donor, not a parent.

HansieMom · 01/11/2013 00:53

When I said you could tell them it is what you can afford, and you like the security and independence, it also tells them your DP is doing dipshit about providing a house for you. You are doing it by yourself.

Geckos48 · 01/11/2013 08:30

Please let us know what the house is like OP :)

I bet is is lovely and you will really enjoy making it yours.

cjel · 01/11/2013 08:49

I really would want the least imput possible from DP in this case as I think it will get less over time anyway so may as well get used to providing for youselfx

WinterWinds · 01/11/2013 08:57

I,m glad you have decided to take the house, you'd be mad not to. Hope the viewing goes well today!!!

When we were offered our last council house I was 8 moths pregnant.
The place needed a complete overhaul. There was fire damage in one of the bedrooms, the ceilings all needed re-plastering as the local kids had broken in and poked holes all over with a broom handle, half the windows were smashed, there was no back door and there were no carpets anywhere.
The council agreed to most of the work but needed someone it ASAP to stop kids breaking in.
Also had a toddler so was far from ideal but we needed a bigger property and just worked round it on our very limited budget. We took our carpets from the old house and although they some of them didn't fit properly gave us a bit of covering until we could afford to replace properly. Could that be an option for you?

Original poster
jacinta1 · 01/11/2013 10:15

I''m feeling much better about everything now. Dp has offered to help me move and seems happier about everything. Thinks it's more his parents than him.

OP posts:
Original poster
jacinta1 · 01/11/2013 10:20

Looking forward to viewing the house today. I hope it's nice(ish)

OP posts:
LIZS · 01/11/2013 10:23

Don't allow him to talk you out of it though. Remember the décor etc can be changed as long as fundamentals are ok. Are you taking the baby with you ?

ImThinkingBoutMyDoorbell · 01/11/2013 10:29

Sometimes the hardest part of taking big steps like that is making the decision, but once it's made, even if you've argued against it, it is much easier to get on with making the best of it and even be quite happy with the situation.

Maybe your DP has argued against it so that now he feels he's done all that could be expected of him by his parents, and now the decision has been taken out of his hands he is happy enough to move on and make the little house as nice as it can be for his baby. There's no point grumbling about it now, as it is going to be your family home for the foreseeable future. Good luck today OP! Hopefully even if the decor is awful you will still see plenty of potential there.

HandragsAndGladbags · 01/11/2013 11:51

You shouldn't have to ask him for financial support, he should want his partner and his baby comfortable and happy!

Hope the viewing goes well.

fromparistoberlin · 01/11/2013 14:03

What should I say to my partner and his parents when they tell me

I'm mad

you asre not mad, its a prefectly nice area through maybe not up to their standards. As you are not currently married you need to find a home with long term security for you and your child

unfair

repeat above. ask them why they think this is "unfair", are they going to provide you a fixed cash standing order every month? no, exactly, so the option of financial security is best for everyone

and the area is rough and bad for baby?

whilst the area might not be the standard of where they live now, its a perfectly fine area. have they any news articles of crime statistics that can point to this????

they sound like fucking arseholes, sorry!!!! HA is 1000% the best thing for you to do

Snapespeare · 01/11/2013 14:18

Hope house viewing goes well.

incidentally, your partner is not 'helping' you with 'baby stuff and food etc' he has a legal obligation to support his child.

Do you think he will move in with you further down the line?