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Original poster

Offered a housing association house but partner and his family want me to private rent

148 replies

jacinta1 · 30/10/2013 13:51

I currently have a one bed housing association flat. Now my baby is almost 2 weeks old I have been offered a small 2 bed housing association home in a nice area. The house itself could be bigger and doesn't have much of a garden but has the added bonus of being a former private home so not in an estate. And I am very lucky to get a HA home!
At the moment I am living with my partner's family in a beautiful area of the UK where there is no social housing. His family want me to stay in the area and this means either live with them (not a long term solution) or rent privately (since I have been offered social housing this seems daft to me).
The house I have been offered is an hour away from my partner's work so would reduce our income a lot in fuel costs each day but he is currently in a job he hates and looking for other work so I can't see how this is a problem.
His family say the house I have been offered is in a rough area (it isn't at all it's just not in an ultra-posh area like they live) and I wouldn't want to live there.

I am happy to live in the house by myself and my partner stay at his parents home if the area is too beneath him! I would prefer to live in the area I am in now but there is no social housing there. I really think it's daft to reject social housing for private renting but what do you guys think? Do the advantages really outweigh the negatives? Am I being stubborn?
I am very poor at the moment so would struggle to keep up with the rent if I rented privately. I am entitled to some Housing Benefit but only half my rent.
I guess I'm asking, is private renting that bad? I just don't like the idea of having such an insecure home

OP posts:
Original poster
jacinta1 · 31/10/2013 15:40

My partner and Inlaws probably won't help as they are dead against me taking the house so can't see them being willing to help for something they don't want me to do. My partner is so annoyed that I'm taking the house but apologised this afternoon for being grumpy about it so hoping he comes round. I think he will once he realises we will have our own cosy home and will be a family together. He's just been influenced by his snobby Mother

OP posts:
TimidLivid · 31/10/2013 15:43

You are doing the right thing for your baby

hoppingmad · 31/10/2013 15:46

Glad you are taking the house. Our ll agreed to long term let. He went bust not long later, it was a hairy time and I had perspective buyers traipsing through whilst caring for newborn twins Hmm. I'm now in a council place and I love it!

I got my carpets online, from onlinecarpets. They were cheap but look great (I paid someone to fit them)

Original poster
jacinta1 · 31/10/2013 15:48

Found out I'm entitled to almost all of my rent to be paid by Housing Benefit which is a weight off my shoulders in that sense. My parents would pay for the carpetif I asked but my brother is moving home too at the same time and I am worried they are paying for things they can't afford so feel bad asking. I have carpet from my HA flat which I shall pull up and that should do the small bedroom and either the living room or large bedroom. The place might even be carpeted so I could be worrying over nothing.
I'm just really anxious about moving and the upheaval. I have no spare money so don't even know how I will pay for a removal van or hire a van. I am so grateful to be offered a house but also scared of everything with a new baby

OP posts:
SaskiaRembrandtVampireHunter · 31/10/2013 16:19

Don't worry abut carpets, just use what you have and buy new ones when you can afford it. Or if the floors are decent, buy some big rugs, with wooden floors that can look really nice. If you really want fitted carpets look around for a shop that sells room-sized offcuts, they are a LOT cheaper.

Not sure about removal expenses - could you ask the HA if there is any help available? Or the CAB?

AdoraBell · 31/10/2013 16:30

Thinking about the ILs being dead against you taking the house, what is the alternativa? Isn't it living under their watchful eye?

TBH your DP doesn't sound like much of a partner, sorry if that's too blunt, but if he wants his family To live in a certain área then he needs To earn enough To support the lifestyle of his chosing.

Oswin · 31/10/2013 17:01

For removal vans if no friends can help try Any Van. You put the details of what needs moving and people bid for the job. It can be really cheap.

Original poster
jacinta1 · 31/10/2013 17:31

thanks i've been on Any Van just now

OP posts:
glammanana · 31/10/2013 17:52

So glad you have made the right decision,the carpet problem can soon be sorted trust me my DD had hers fitted in the childrens room first from her old house and bleached the fllor boards and put down a rug until she could save for lounge floor covering which she bought from B&M at an amazing price,ignore what your OHs parents say its your own front door and your baby very best wishes for the future sweetie.

Original poster
jacinta1 · 31/10/2013 18:13

What should I say to my partner and his parents when they tell me I'm mad, unfair and the area is rough and bad for baby? :-(

OP posts:
HansieMom · 31/10/2013 18:25

Tell them it is what you can afford, and you like the security and independence of your own home.

LIZS · 31/10/2013 18:25

You don't need to justify this. You are happy with it , you can afford it and that is what matters right now. They haven't actually given you any other realistic options .

nameequality · 31/10/2013 18:28

Thank them for their "concern" and tell them that if you don't like it you will move back in with them! Really if they object to that then you need to be very very suspicious of them.

pomdereplay · 31/10/2013 18:35

Sorry if I am missing something, but how much of a 'partner' can this man be if you won't live together 'officially' and don't share resources so you and your baby have to live off benefits (hardly a secure position under this godforsaken government) instead? Really strange.

I am glad you have taken the HA place. Wish I was able to get one -- my partner and I are priced out of buying but not 'needy' enough for social housing, so like many, are in the trap of private renting. Not secure at all for our baby. This could be a home for life for you, hang on to it, make it yours, enjoy it.

cjel · 31/10/2013 18:37

Tell them you are not mad, that you are doing the best you can on your own for your baby and they don't have to visit if they don't like it.

flowery · 31/10/2013 18:40

You tell his parents to mind their own business for a start. It's got absolutely nothing to do with them and they have no right to even comment unless they are asked for an opinion.

gigglestar · 31/10/2013 18:43

have a look on Gumtree and Freecycle in your local area,i've furnished two flats very cheaply (some items free) and all the stuff has been in good condition. congratulations and good luck! Smile

DIYapprentice · 31/10/2013 18:47

Hmm, I think I remember a previous thread of yours. Your partner doesn't live with you, so what he thinks has sod all to do with it. Until he knows how to stand on his own two feet without his parents support he has no right to tell you how you should be managing.

BTW, weren't you going to get out of the house and back into your flat before? I take it the previous situation has settled down a bit.

motherinferior · 31/10/2013 18:51

You have a HA house. That is absolutely terrific. You've said it's in a perfectly nice area. You've got somewhere for you and your baby to live and grow up, with - or without - your partner, and the foundations for a great future. Congratulations!

And his family can just fuck off butt out.

Viviennemary · 31/10/2013 18:53

I think if you want to move to the HA house then you should. And then if later you decide it isn't suitable you could try and get some kind of swap. I think it would be a shame to pass on the offer and HA houses give a lot more security than private rentals.

RegTheMonkey · 31/10/2013 19:19

It's none of their business! You are a grown up mother now and you can live wherever you like. You don't have to justify it to them.

LunaticFringe · 31/10/2013 19:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Deux · 31/10/2013 19:47

Good grief. If your baby's father is working, shouldn't he be helping you out both practically (helping move your stuff in his car) and financially (child support, paying for carpets).

Sounds like moving to the HA house is the best thing you can do.

Squitten · 31/10/2013 19:52

Is the father of your baby not providing you with any help towards the cost of moving or anything?!

NettleTea · 31/10/2013 20:29

I remember the last thread.
Take the HA house, without a second though.
Join your local freecycle
get a home from a HA and you have a reduced rent, which will help you when you do get back into work and/or if your partner joins you and he is working.
After a certain amount of time you can look to exchange if you want to move, it gives you security and freedom.
I think as well that you need to make a stand and do what YOU want, to show that you cannot be influenced/bullied by them just because they have money. This is YOUR life and your child's life, not theirs. Their son may prove to be a flakey mummies boy and where would that leave you in an expensive private rental.
Also if you turn down a HA home god knows if and when you might be offered another one. They are like golddust, no matter whether there is carpet or not!

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