Hi Longhairedcat,
If he finally "put it in", then would that make everything ok here?
Do you believe that on some unconscious level...you are a part of the dysfunction? Your insistance on having to know why , and this being the hinge on whether or not you leave the relationship, may be a Catch 22: if you never find out why, then you never break it off? Are you manufacturing justification for staying when your gut feeling has red flags flying full mast?
2 months, 8 weeks: barely a blink in time...you only know what he has let you know about him. He could actually still be married, and the religion card as mentioned above is why he won't\can't do it. [Think Bill Clinton "I did not have sex with that woman"] Him still being married would also explain his shyness in meeting your adult children.
The fake phone calls still sticks me with suspicion. You posted that you told him that was a significant source of pain in the downfall of your previous relationship...so he jokingly does this "little" trick which essentially rubs your nose in it. That was just mean, longhairedcat. I think he has tipped his hand early...some emotional abusers can carry the perfect partner script for a couple of years.
Sorry to go on, but one other thing I was thinking about this is the distinction between compromising and boundaries. Imho, compromising is appropriate for what toppings go on the pizza, or maybe he is a few pounds over weight, or you may not like his car. Boundaries are for protecting yourself from disrespect, meanness, any form of abuse, etc, and should not be open to compromise, iyswim.
You said it made you feel uncomfortable when he told you he bought a sex toy. Did he not ask first, he just informed you? This is an EA red flag because he rendered you invisible. This would also tie in with "he talks to me about what he wants alot".
Take care, it is not you, it is him. Walk away.