How hideous is going no contact?

[NumptyNameChange]

not sure how much to write but after my sister had a hissy fit over nothing and threw me and my son out of her house in the rain without our coats (and with my keys in my coat pocket) in front of her own children (her daughter was really upset by it all) i have refused to go 'back to normal' re: forget anything ever happened yet again.

as a result i've ceased to be invited to family gatherings for over a month and no one wished me luck for an interview or asked how it went and basically i'm being punished for not playing the game/the role/etc that i am meant to.

another posters thread on here has really brought the dysfunctional dynamics of my family to life for me - they were anyway but you know how when you read it in someone else's life it's so much clearer?

anyway my role was always scapegoat and whipping boy (i'm female btw). no matter what successes i have it won't change a thing. things going well or that in any way disprove the role i've been assigned are just ignored.

i have never in my life been asked by my mother how i am or how things are going. i've never had an apology even when she has been absolutely monstrous. i'm pretty sure she is a narcissist - ticks all the boxes etc.

i have built pretty good boundaries over the years and laughingly refer to my teflon coating that lets the abuse slide off but i find myself wondering why on earth i put up with it at all or allow these people who are so keen to destroy me in my life.

could say lots more but not sure if i'll regret putting this out there. my parents are due to go away for a long spell soon, i haven't seen them for about a month despite living close by and i would actually rather not see them before they go away and rather not have my son go there as at the minute it feels really important to me for us to be together and not polluted by all the extended family madness. i suspect the pressure will come on soon or the 'you're such a bad person' trip.

i massively miss my sister's children but i no longer feel i can put up with all the shit i have to take to be in their lives. i'm tired of being painted as someone i genuinely don't even recognise and never did even as a child and having motives and intentions and actions attributed to me that bear no relation to reality. i'm sick of the crazy making of people behaving monstrously and then just lying or pretending it never happened or that i'm the crazy one and it was all my fault somehow. i'm also sick of allowing my son to be around people who don't have the most basic respect for me.

not sure what the point of this post is - maybe just to put it out there.

[Mountainsoutofmolehills]

Probably all these things will happen about your niece becoming like them and queen bee.

If you avoid all contact, NC is completely never seeing them again really. I think it's then very difficult for you. It limits every event you can go out, suddenly all extended family events and weddings will be no go, you will become a pariah- I know because I stopped speaking to my sister and brother in 1999, and it's a rift that became so bad that 3 years ago I stopped speaking to my parents- I just couldn't handle it anymore. If I could go back, I wouldn't have gone non contact, it's made my life limited on so many levels, made things harder and forced me to be more resourceful- but I wouldn't recommend it, but I did it. 20 years on it's resulted in me avoiding funerals, weddings, holidays of course, Christimas isn't a thing to me, I am not sobbing at home by any means and i've had many tropical ones and great ones with friends.

What you need is freedom and piece of mind that you don't buy into their crap , and you don't dance to their madness. Can you not dictate the friendship a bit more, and meetings that you do have can you do it on neutral ground, with them one by one, rather than being overwhelmed en masse. People on their own are better than in a group I find- I don't know, I always feel ganged up on that's my issue..... Just an idea.

Probably move away, be classy in your distance. You can do this for your children, because cousins are important for them, and so are grandparents- I had one nice granny and one mad as bats one, who used to say 'your acne looks like it's clearing up' (I never had acne, but thanks), she was a rubbish mum to my mum and my mum could have shirked her, but I am glad she didn't as I wouldn't be able to understand my own madness, as a grandchild.