is anyone interested in an alchohol-free / addiction thread?

[youretoastmildred]

My name is youretoastmildred, and I am an alcoholic.

I am 42 days alcohol free.
have been a problem drinker for a long time and have often convinced myself that moderate drinking will be fine. It never stays moderate.
In this 42 days there have been certain key people that I have not had to see. I have 2 events coming up with them that will be massive triggers and I am looking for support (and very very willing to offer what support I can to anyone else)

I have lurked on Brave Babes and it seems to be a thread of successfully moderate drinkers, and alcoholics who can't / don't actually stop. (The poster who started those threads by stopping completely isn't there: I also remember some 12 step nondrinkers from the early days who don't seem to be there any more. There are a lot of posts by people enumerating what they are having or will have and whether or not this is ok but I don't see much actual NOT DRINKING EVER which is what I need to do)

By contrast, the AA meeting that I attend, while it will always have a couple of people back after a relapse, is mostly packed with people with months and years sober.

Is anyone interested in an actual not-drinking or beating other addictions thread? I am NOT saying I am not interested in talking to those who relapse. I am saying that I DO want to talk to people who aim to stop drinking.

any takers?

K0keshi I called you Kotinka earlier and I've no idea why, sorry Sorry to hear about your ex troubles, that must be incredibly stressful. Well done on over 5 months sober though, especially with all that going on.

Welcome Sunshine, I'm new too but it's so good to have other people here who are so supportive.

Loveday I appreciated those c+ps too. Oh yes, the hiding of empties - for me hiding them in the depths of my work bag so I could throw them in a public bin on my way to work next morning. My DH doesn't know the half of it either

Sorry not to respond to everyone individually but my son is saying "mamamamama" every 30 seconds so kind of hard to concentrate.

I made it home without buying any alcohol and am all safe and warm and full of dinner. Anxiety is really bad tonight, I feel as though someone is standing on my chest, but I'm otherwise ok HOw is everyone else doing tonight? Will check back later if I can.

good evening everyone. I feel rubbish :( I don't know what it is - but just exhausted. Maybe a bug-type thing but not welcome i can tell you. Good that everyone is posting so much. I reckon it's really important to just keep checking in and seeing that we're all in the same boat so to speak. It's hard isn't it? Like stopping smoking - the habit is as hard as the addiction. I was thinking today, what exactly is it that makes alcohol, excessive alcohol so bloody attractive? We all know it's going to make us a) feel shit b) do ridiculous things c) waste money d) alienate people, and yet we can't stop. is it totally the physical addiction? personally, I've never really had big 'withdrawals' - well the crying and depression i guess, but nothing really major. It's really made me think. Cigarette cravings are more real and tangible but alcohol? why??

I remember feeling like I'd been beaten up for ages after I stopped drinking.

The joyous energy I feel most mornings took a fair while to show up and was so incremental I took a while to realise it was there.

I think in my case I was running on adrenalin by the end; mentally worn out with the pretence of being a social drinker I switched to cocktails to 'give up wine' but in reality, I'd chug a shitload of chilled spirits into a silver shaker every night, and neck it. Then swan about like I was Josephine Baker when in reality I was more like Gazza's mate Five Bellies.

It was exhausting pretending all the time and I think the exhaustion was the aftermath of all the sneaking about keeping one step ahead of the booze police.

What this thread reminds me is that there are little annoying bits of shit happening to us all, all the time, whether we are sober or steaming.

But dealing with it minus The Fear and and The Guilt is a walk in the park.

Wishing you all safe and tea-filled cosy evenings.

Hi there all. Just out the bath and about to put my jammies on :D

I've been feeling a bit irritable and discontent for some reason and I have through the medium of a good bath got to the root of why.

This weekend will be a first - a party that I don't really want to go to with people that I don't know. Its my dh's cousin's bash - they are renewing their wedding vows. We don't know anyone else there although I'm not sure what everyone else will know about me. I know my mil put the boot in a bit a couple of years ago about me with her side of the family so.....?

Ah fcuk it, what will be will be, glad I've got to the bottom of it really. Anyone else play ostrich with their feelings? lol

Hope everyone is ok tonight. Drill is go here xx

Hi Kokesha and sunshine.

I suppose I don't have a OH to worry about finding anything I write down Olive though perhaps on a password protected document might be better.

I think it's both psychological and physiological addiction sippie. I was reading in one of my old biology books that they aren't sure what causes positive reinforcement in humans, as obviously they can only study nonhumans. They have found from animals studies that ethanol acts on receptors that amplifies the amount of dopamine input into a part of the brain (also the reward centre of our brain) and this would have a primary reinforcing effect. Maybe hence how many of us use it when we feel we need to 'reward' ourselves possibly?

Brick:
"switched to cocktails to 'give up wine' but in reality, I'd chug a shitload of chilled spirits into a silver shaker every night, and neck it. Then swan about like I was Josephine Baker when in reality I was more like Gazza's mate Five Bellies."
Loved this.

good night all

Hello everyone, thanks for the welcome :)

Am sitting on the e sofa eating after eights and my mood is lifting. I've applied for counselling through uni (am a very mature student) which seems like a positive step.

Off to bed. Hoping you all have a restful sleep and wake up feeling ready to tackle another sober day.

This is hard. Felt really tempted to just nip out to the shop for some wine once OH had a couple of beers.
I'd have drank the whole bottle, scrounged beer off him then fallen into an uneasy, boozy sleep.

Tomorrow I would have been tired, anxious and pissed off with myself. Playing the tape till the end. And that's just an average ending. Some of them are truly horrendous.

It's so comforting to come here and feel less alone with all the emotions I'm going through with people who understand.

Good night. Sleep well everyone.

Hi all, Been out on a course all day. Hard evening, VERY tempted to drink... DS1 disappeared and didn't come home for 3 hours post a youth club meeting. DS2 is just a nightmare . I actually dislike him quite often these days. I love him but I dont like him. I know that makes me a truly shit parent,

but I drank spiced berry cordial watched masterchef (delayed TV) DH cooked dinner and I am in bed, day 15 completed....

Hi to all the newcomers. Great to see you.

and olive really well done - playing right through works for me too es the hangover and guilt part at the moment

sleep well all

sorcha x

I loved that Five Bellies quote, too!

These are my new bible - things that I've coped an pasted as reminders:

No-one ever woke up regretting that they didn't drink the night before.

Anything that seems like a reason to drink is an even better reason not to!

Why we drink - HALT - hungry angry lonely tired

waking up in the early hours feeling sick, anxious, ashamed, paranoid, hating myself.

My problem feels too big, shameful and hideous to admit in real life.

My main concern was the 'thinking' rather than the 'drinking'. I would spend hours thinking about alcohol; hating how much I drank, keeping the secret, the devastating self-loathing and on and on.

Oh, and this one: "riding the wave (of craving) & seeing the movie through to the end ie thinking beyond getting a buzz to what almost certainly lies beyond that & the consequences."

In fact, would that be a good new thread title? Riding the wave?

This morning I woke up feeling like myself for the first time in months and even a little optimistic. If only I could bottle this feeling to lift myself on the dark, anxious, lonely evenings.

Today is day 5. Hope everyone else is feeling good today.

Mildred how is your dd?

Well done for not drinking sorcha. My word I would have been beside myself with ds disappearing and reaching for a bottle.

It doesn't make you a shit parent, it makes you human. That's why I love my mum so much, she doesn't come out with twee nonsense but tells it like it is. 'Babies - at times you will feel like throwing them out a window and anyone who tells you otherwise are lying. At times although you will love your kids, you won't like them very much. If you've reached the stage where you're hating being a mum because of the boredom and frustration, it's time to go back to work >> All my mum. I was a nightmare teen and we spent most of my teenage years at loggerheads, now we are very close.

sorcha I don't think you are a shit parent for a second. You love your son and try to do your best for him, and that's all any of us can do. Children can (often) be total little shits and they know exactly how to push our buttons. You're not alone.

God my two youngest drive me insane! Five years between them - ds a teenager now and dd a precocious 7 year old! They are vile to each other and us at times and I want to just walk out! It's perfectly normal...isn't it??
Feel very unwell this morning, going to take a day off and work a bit from home which I can a bit. Shivery, achy, couldn't sleep much - despite going to bed at 8pm! I did that waking up at 3 and worrying about things - stupidly, I was worrying about the financial situation at work - we're a charity and our funding has been slashed so much with expenses and demand growing all the time. A lot of vulnerable people depend on us - no strikes, pensions or payrise here . However, today I will be selfish and think of ME. JK and coffee after I've taken dd to school.
Have a calm day all. Soon be time for our first 'official' thread!!

If I manage this evening that will be 7 days DRY!

Spider veins look smaller already.

But I am fantasising about sipping a glass of chilled champagne (ok, any dry, fizzy white would do).

Can't think of any non-alcoholic drink to look forward to instead. Diet coke's not too bad I suppose, with lots of ice and lemon.

Any suggestions anyone?

Keep going Dozy :-) Bottlegreen ginger and lemongrass cordial with fizzy water is delicious ....

Great, will try that, thanks Sorcha.

I can relate to not liking your children much despite loving them.
My 6 yr old is going through a particularly challenging stage. Everything is boring, he winds his older brother up constantly, shouts at me and his dad and is never happy.

I am trying really hard to be a better parent and at least I can do that without the nagging shame of drinking too much.

It's freezing today. Also have JK on and am looking for jobs in between playing candy crush.
Washing machine not working again and it's looking like it's going to need replacing.
It's s fairly small thing in the great scheme of things but I'm furious about it.

I'm feeling rubbish in my head today - not really sure why.

I stood looking in the fridge for a while. Very, very glad we decided ages ago to not keep alcohol in the house at all.

I'm not going out, and a lovely old friend is coming for tea to cook us Mexican! Justin is from New Mexico in the states and is an awesome cook - and very easy company. When he first moved to the uk 10 years ago I met him within a few days - we were at college together. He asked me (in all seriousness) if hedgehogs were really blue like Sonic!

I'm on day 6 now.

I'm with you weegie re the alcohol in the house. Would have been much harder to resist last night had there been ANYTHING alcoholic in the house....

My good mood has evaporated after a few hours at work. I loathe this job, I really do. So I wanted to come and post something positive.

As people are posting things that have really resonated, here is the post that I copied and pasted into my phone when I read it:

*Brickorcleats:
My daughter at 10 saw me so pissed I couldn't stand up. She cried her heart out.

That was enough.

That, and reinventing myself as a reformed drinker, runner and kinder person.

Had to stop seeing a lot of people but frankly they were drunken twats as well. No real loss. We only really ever had boozing in common. And we all know what a powerful bond that can be.

I wanted to be dignified.

I don't mind drinking water. I do mind the people who flap about scratching their heads 'oooh, you're not drinking? I think we've got some cordial, would that do? Not a small one? Wish I'd known I could have got something special in for you.' Ad bloody attention-drawing finitum.

I just KNEW that my pride and my children were more important than the oblivion.*

I loved this and this is what I want to be writing someday.

Hello all! I'm back! Sorry I haven't been on here for a few days, been busy and not a chance to log onto here- all is good though, Day 13 and I managed to get through another weekend.

How is everyone?

Hello everyone, hope we are all well. I am officially in double figures sober, wooooo! 10 days today :) This evening is shaping up to be very stressful, kids hungry and moaning, loads of work orders to package up and send off, a website that's in dire need of spending about a week on and clothes EVERYWHERE, wet, dry, somewhere in between. This is usually when I would reward myself....not tonight though, its hot chocolate instead for me :)

On a positive note when I gave up booze I joined the gym to give myself some healthy new habit and I'm really starting to notice a difference in my general health.
Not drinking rocks!!!!!!!!!!!