is anyone interested in an alchohol-free / addiction thread?

[youretoastmildred]

My name is youretoastmildred, and I am an alcoholic.

I am 42 days alcohol free.
have been a problem drinker for a long time and have often convinced myself that moderate drinking will be fine. It never stays moderate.
In this 42 days there have been certain key people that I have not had to see. I have 2 events coming up with them that will be massive triggers and I am looking for support (and very very willing to offer what support I can to anyone else)

I have lurked on Brave Babes and it seems to be a thread of successfully moderate drinkers, and alcoholics who can't / don't actually stop. (The poster who started those threads by stopping completely isn't there: I also remember some 12 step nondrinkers from the early days who don't seem to be there any more. There are a lot of posts by people enumerating what they are having or will have and whether or not this is ok but I don't see much actual NOT DRINKING EVER which is what I need to do)

By contrast, the AA meeting that I attend, while it will always have a couple of people back after a relapse, is mostly packed with people with months and years sober.

Is anyone interested in an actual not-drinking or beating other addictions thread? I am NOT saying I am not interested in talking to those who relapse. I am saying that I DO want to talk to people who aim to stop drinking.

any takers?

nope. still trying to get the thing done!
Glad you have at least shared the situation. It may well be not nearly so bad as you think, although that is easy for me to say.

But I would say that EVERYONE procrastinates. When you are doing it, and the problem is boring into your brain like a huge knitting needle of guilt, you think you are the only one. Actually there is nobody who doesn't have about a dozen looming awful things in their work life and your boss will not be remotely surprised that there is still work to do on your paper.

How are you now muminboots?
And everyone else?

Just taking a quick breather on this work thing. One part down (ish), one part to go. Need to get it to California by first thing their time as it was originally meant to be done by Friday (they cancelled the call to discuss it, thank goodness, as I spent Friday with a vomitty dd2 on my lap - at the time it felt like the most amazing piece of good luck but funny how soon it is suddenly urgent again)

This cold is getting worse. Ugh.

anything to report? is the weather as foul everywhere as here?

It is chucking it down here :( I was about to go to the bank but have decided it's not that important! Having a pleasant day on the whole - although H reports still no sign of the heating fixers I will not be impressed if they turn up at 5 to 8!

Its grey cold and miserable here. I'm at work

on a plus note the painter (hopefully) started today painting the kids rooms ... after we spent yesterday cleaning one out so all the stuff is in the other rooms ...

Hi all,

Really fab to see such a supportive thread going on. I used to post on an abstinence aiming thread a few years back & I know it was an amazing source of inspiration for all who posted. It was called something like dependent drinkers. Anyway, looking forward to being a part of this if you'll all have me!

Just off to read the rest of the thread. Well done everyone. Being honest & sharing with like minded friends really does make such a difference.

Just got home to.....NO HEATING!! someone is in big trouble...

Oh no Sippie! Can you get on the phone to someone right now?

It's awful being cold.
Am in a foul mood as the washing machine is still not working despite OH apparently fixing it last night.
The laundry is mounting up and unless OH can get it working it'll be a trudge to the launderette for me tomorrow.

So much for being a sober and better parent. Have had a massive rant at DS2 for behaving like a spoilt brat over his sweets allowance.
At least I'm not feeling guilty for drinking. Just very very pissed off.

Am telling myself that being pissed off and irritated is better than the anxiety, guilt and shame of secret (or not so secret anymore) drinking.
This is my dangerous time.

Finally he's here! Probably 'won't have the part love' knowing my luck

Fingers crossed for you Sippie.

Soretd. It was simple of course. Loose connection - took him about 30 seconds.....

Horray Sippie!

Hi k0tinka welcome... I think I remember you from some time back ... ( I have name changed)

Evening all -- sh@@ day at work - so peed of I could cry - GAH gah gah !

oh dear lonnika sorry to hear it.
Let it all out!

I had a shit day at work without even going. Sat up in bed all day working and feeling stressed about it - spent the whole day "just" doing this little bit and "just" doing that little bit and in the end did a full day's work while still having a sick day against me.

Still, it was very nice to spend the whole day in pyjamas and look at the filthy rain lashing at the window with a duvet on my knees.

feel like utter pants and have faithfully promised to be at work tomorrow.

Got up to be with dcs when they got back from the childminder. put dd2 to play in the bath for a long time as a treat (usually I whisk her out, running out of time because I get home 45 mins before they need to be tucked up, lights out). Briefly left her to put some washing away. Heard a wondering little voice say "what's going on, mummy?" a couple of times. Not in any sort of distress. went back in to my worst nightmare: CODE BROWN IN THE BATH

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHH

We are caning the dettol in this house these days. Caning it.

Oh no Mildred Hope DD is ok :)

PMSL Mildred - sorry!! I've btdt. Nowt to report today - life in all it's glory continues. I did ask the kids to wash up for a change and they did with only a little whinge. DH has guitar exam friday - I'm sick to the back teeth of his "tunes" but I do hope he passes - he'll be so unbearably miserable if he doesn't. He catastrophises all the time - and believe me it will be the end of the world if he fails :/

Ho hum - stay focused> I'm so bored tonight. I'm even going to go and do some laundry.

Last night I slept solidly from 10.30 to 6.30 am. Deep dreamless refreshing sleep. This is one huge advantage of being alcohol free !

Hope everyone is ok this morning

Hi every one. I made it through yesterday alcohol free in big part thanks to you lot so thank you!! Went to bed at9.30 and slept pretty much thru so feeling 1000 times better. Got DS to nursery with no tears from either of us. (He will be 3 next month, and my DD is 9).

Glad you got your heating sorted mrssippie. Brrr. We have snow on the hills around us here (I'm not in the uk but not too far away :) )

How are you feeling today Mildred? Sounds like you're having a crap time but you are getting thru it without booze which is amazing.

Have to change trams now ...

Morning everyone. Great that you are feeling better Muminboots.

A decent night of sleep can make all the difference
Sorcha, I had a brilliant sleep last night too. The first one since I quit drinking and I didn't even take a Nytol (another addiction) so am feeling brave for my dentist appointment this morning.
Also no paranoia that I'm breathing stale alcohol fumes all over him this time.

Oh no mildred. Is your dd still unwell?

Happy days you got your heating sorted Sippie. All this talk of boilers, went into mine and it's leaking somewhere. Had to take out some of the sheets and towels and rewash them. Looks like yet another expense just before Christmas.

Hope your ds's guitar test goes well louiseaa. At least the tunes are far easier to listen to than the recorder!! I hate that instrument, sets my teeth on edge. Now I know why my mum used to hate us screeching it round the house.

The refreshing sleep is a definite plus Sorcha.

I would have had a lovely sleep if ds hadn't of woken up dd at 10pm and the only way I could get her back to sleep was to bring her into mine. Now woken up with a sore stiff neck from being squished onto one inch of bed while she did snow angels all the over the bed. I really need to sort her sleeping out as she sleeps no problems at her dads. think it's a case of being noisier here out on the street and she is my sticking plaster. Even during the day she goes hysterical if I move out of her sight. I thought that would be endearing after having an independent baby but I find it irritating beyond belief.

Have a good day all and glad you're feeling better today mumin

Good morning all. Oh what bliss to wake up to a warm house! DH moaning his head off because he was 'too hot'. This is one of our major disagreement areas - he loves the cold, I want to hide in a sauna for most of the year. I actually woke up feeling a bit 'fuzzy headed' today - it was one of those waking ups when you haven't quite finished your dream - it's something to do with biorhythms isn't it? Or something. It reminded me of the horrible hangover waking up times, and that I really don't want that again.
We were talking about Christmas day yesterday and how my mother would insist on watching Coronation Street (me too, actually ) DH was saying how he would be in the kitchen with lots of beer and I felt a bit, I dunno, odd about it. I said 'well I won't be drinking, so at least we can take her home that evening'. That means I have to stick to it. Sort of worried but determined too.

Also really pleased that you're feeling better mum. I hope today goes well.
YTM blergh...like the time last week when dd was tired she poo-ed herself in her sleep! Yuk .
I hope everyone has a great day. At least it's not raining here (yet).

Hi all. Still punishing the Dettol bottle - dd1 threw up in bed last night around midnight. And a few times more. She has been very brave and except the first time, which was a surprise, very neat with a bucket. But not much sleep here.
I am off with her which I am guiltily enjoying. I would feel more guilty if she actually seemed ill but she seems fine now so I don't feel too bad about enjoying her company and having a pyjama day - it's not like I am wishing illness on her.
for some reason that I don't understand, I am not worrying about work. I am trying to do bits, but what can you do? I am not well, she is not well, we are only human beings. This balance will disappear when the reality of all the people I have let down sinks in when I have to go back.

MrsSippie, great news about the heating!

So pleased for all the good sleep that is going on.

muminboots, hope you have a better day today.

I have been working hard this morning (I know! Don't all faint!) and have promised to discuss the paper-of-death with my boss this afternoon.

Mildred - maybe this is the universe's way of giving you a bit of a rest? Hope your dd is on the mend now, just one of those 24 hour bugs. I am a terrible emetophobe and freak out completely when dcs are ill (not because of them, poor things but in case I catch it ), it's a big part of my drinking/anxiety problem i worry about it constantly. So I admire you hugely in being so calm about it.

Mrs Sippie - don't worry about Christmas day until Christmas day! One day at a time and all that jazz.

Hope dentist went well HumOlive

I was reading back over the thread last night, got about halfway through. Noticed that many of us seem to suffer from anxiety/depression/shyness etc. I know for myself that a big percentage of my drinking problem is self medicating my anxiety. I've tried anti-depressants of several varieties in the past and every sort of counselling and therapy but nothing really helps. It's awful.

Morning, it's a beautiful day here. I try my best to be grateful for the small things when I feel that black vortex of anxiety & fear. A wee summary about me: drank abnormally from the minute I picked up my first drink at about 13. It make me feel safe, warm, connected, loved, included, funny & comfortable. In reality I was the drunken idiot in blackout doing & saying horrendous things, most of which I don't remember.

I am in my mid 30s but over the past 13 years have pretty much done the whole recovery circuit. Nothing has been wasted, everything has helped. I'm going through a horrific time just now, but I have sailed very close to insanity & death (sober as well as through relapse) & as much as I might romanticise about that very temporary feeling of comfort & ease that follows the first coule of drinks, I am under no illusion that I would in fact lose everything I love, including my gorgeous son, if picked up.

From my experience, it's so important to really be vigilant, work on your recovery & never downplay the cunning, baffling powerful allure of alcohol. I'm back at AA as well as a counsellor to work on what I know now (took me long enough!) is my inability to manage life on life's terms. When I'm sober, I need to replace the alcohol with something. As a compulsive person by nature, I've seen my addiction to alcohol transfer to other people, places & things.

Thanks for beng here & starting this thread, there's a potentially life saving support network on here & it should be cherished. So inspiring to see such honesty & compassion.

Late to this thread.

I used to be alcohol dependent.

I an a patient of Aquarius. They work on cutting down rather than abstinence, but recognise abstinence is the goal for some and moderate drinking is the goal for others.

That is beside the point though. Not read the thread so if I am repeating let me know.

Via Aquarius I have been prescribed Acamprosate calcium. It is an anti craving drug. It can be taken both by people who drink and those that don't.

The difference it has made to me is that I can watch TV, see people drinking and not think "oh I could really enjoy a glass", this is very useful with all the alcohol adverts on TV.

Anyway if you have an Aquarius in your area you can self refer. They offer various group and one to one therapies.

They can prescribe various meds (no it's not cheating to take anticraving meds, some of us need them) both to stop cravings and to get through a detox.

I'm not knocking the OP or AAA. I have never been to AA I just thought it's worth knowing they are not the only organisation or the only aproach to sobriety.

BTW most of us who attend Aquarius take vitamin B and thiamin, one to protect the liver, the other to protect the brain.