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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

SIL starting to really worry me regarding my baby....

122 replies

GoodnessKnowsBest · 21/10/2013 20:34

N/C - Quick background my SIL and I have always been really close. She has 2 dcs, 11 and 14. I have 2 boys 3yrs and 3mths. She has had a really bad year, messy divorce and diagnosed with MS.
Since the birth of ds2 I have found her quite over the top, few examples include taking ds2 off me, unasked, when he was crying saying 'oh auntie x knows how to settle you'; nicknaming ds2 with a personal name to her; regularly saying 'oh well I treat him like he's mine' and 'he feels like he's my baby', 'i'm a second mum to him'. She was so over the top with him at a recent wedding that strangers thought he was her child not mine. I set most of this aside knowing I can be over protective and thinking she was just over zealous and it would calm down, till today...
Both sil and I used to use an equestrian forum as we are both horsey, sil knows I rarely use it now. anyway by off chance I logged in today, it is a small community so when I saw a post started by someone called the nickname my sil gave to ds2 I clicked on it. It had to be her as firstly nickname very unique and all the details matched her life except one, she talked about HER 3month old son. I went back through threads and all the details were there, feeding issues I've had, his weight gain details, a strange rash he had and random stories about what made him giggle, being tired from being up all night etc, etc! But all written as if she is his mother.
I'm seriously freaked out. My instinct is to wrap up my sons and keep them away from her. I don't know whether she just told a lie which went too far and had fun with an online persona (so will feel very foolish that I've seen it) or this is something far more serious. I love my SIL, she's my best friend. What the hell do I do with this?

OP posts:

pictish · 21/10/2013 20:37

Gosh I don't know! Weird one!

Sleepingbunnies · 21/10/2013 20:39

I would be freaked out too! Gosh, no advice - just bizarre and frankly worrying behaviour!

WipsGlitter · 21/10/2013 20:41

Email her a link to the thread. See what she says. It's odd but sad too.

Liara · 21/10/2013 20:41

If she is your best friend, you need to sit down and have a serious talk with her - she is clearly having some issues which she is 'dealing with' through your son.

She needs to deal with them in a different way and you need to help her (well, you don't, but a good friend would).

TheCrumpetQueen · 21/10/2013 20:43

What a freak

scratchandsniff · 21/10/2013 20:43

Oh wow that's a really awkward one. I'm not sure how I'd react. Before the bit about online forum I would have said she just really loves him. My sister adores my DS. I think some of this is because he reminds her of her grown-up DS' and enjoys being around a baby again. however, the online stuff is really odd. Perhaps as he grows she'll get over her obsession. I'm not sure how you could bring it up with her.

Original poster

GoodnessKnowsBest · 21/10/2013 20:43

I'm worried about her mental health, I'm just trying to figure out how much I should worry? And I don't want to react too aggressively and make things spiral.
But i'm also scared, I'll admit it, this has really thrown me as I thought I knew her so well - obviously not!

OP posts:

TheCrumpetQueen · 21/10/2013 20:43

I would print them out and confront her.

BrianTheMole · 21/10/2013 20:43

I would talk to her about it.

Original poster

GoodnessKnowsBest · 21/10/2013 20:45

I am her friend liara, she is closer to me than my own sisters, I love her but I'm really worried. No idea how to confront it, I'm awful at this sort of thing.

OP posts:

cloudskitchen · 21/10/2013 20:46

Yikes. I'm not surprised you are concerned. Could she have any unresolved issues regarding babies? Has she lost one or failed to get pregnant when she wanted to and using your son as some sort of surrogate. Horrible position you are in.

humphryscorner · 21/10/2013 20:46

the only thing that springs to mind is that as she has had a shit year she might be pretending to live your life as an alternative to hers.

As for the over zealousness with your DS I would do what I did with MIL. I made it clear there was only one mamma bear, and I was it. Stand your ground with that one.

I'm sure some one will be along to offer better advice though !

bundaberg · 21/10/2013 20:48

omg, that's pretty weird.

i have no idea what i would do.... can you confront her?

Original poster

GoodnessKnowsBest · 21/10/2013 20:48

I've just logged on it to show dh and there is even a pic of him on there titled - my gorgeous little man.

OP posts:

bundaberg · 21/10/2013 20:52

how is she your SIL? was she your brothers wife? or your husbands sister?

if the latter have you spoken to your husband about it? are you close to anyone else in the family that might have noticed potential weirdness? their parents?

bundaberg · 21/10/2013 20:52

cross-posts! just seen that you've shown your dh... what does he think?

Squitten · 21/10/2013 20:54

Is this your DH's sister? What does he think?

I would print it all out and confront her with it. She'll deny it I imagine but you know it's her.

Don't let her be alone with him whatever you do!

MrPricklepants · 21/10/2013 20:54

You need to talk to her, it's that simple. Ask her over for a chat and discuss this with her. Very strange indeed.

cloudskitchen · 21/10/2013 20:54

Well that's confirmation at least that it's her. What did dh say? I think you will have to confront her in a gentle way and express your discomfort with it.

Quangle · 21/10/2013 20:54

How is she connected to you? Via brother or via your DH? Could you speak to one of them and try to work out the best way forward as loving family members?

Agree that it's difficult to let her know you've seen the online stuff as you love her and don't want to humiliate her but it sounds like she needs some help and she's obviously having a horrible time.

Buglugs · 21/10/2013 20:55

You'll have to talk to her about it as calmly as you can. If you continue to be worried about her mental health you should encourage her to see her gp.

It seems strange she would do that knowing you might see it.

humphryscorner · 21/10/2013 20:57

you will be able to talk to her about it now by saying you came across the picture.

DevonCiderPunk · 21/10/2013 20:57

This is not easy, but needs facing head on.

You and DH (or DH alone, assuming he's her brother?) need to meet her face to face and confront her with the facts. This is not healthy behaviour by any stretch of the imagination and you need to intervene. She may need support.

Liara · 21/10/2013 20:58

I don't think you need to 'confront' her. Just tell her that you have seen the website, and would she like to talk about it.

Sit back and listen. Do a whole load of listening.

There is a serious possibility that the flood gates will open and a whole load of stuff will come out.

Try not to make it about you and your ds, try to hear what is going on with her. If it helps, imagine that is was someone else's ds she was doing this with. Try to have as much empathy as possible, and not judge her.

I know it's hard. She's probably in a place where things are hard too.

alarkthatcouldpray · 21/10/2013 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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