Hi all , wanted to start this new thread as a follow on to my 'suspicious behaviour' thread, as obviously his actions aren't suspicious anymore - they're confirmed. He sent me a text last night to say he was safe and crashing at a friends - maybe it's ow, who knows. He was cross that I'd sent him packing knowing he had nowhere to go and I should consider how it is he got to this point. I just texted back that I'm sorry he was thrust out into the cold night but I've been living a cold facade for a month not knowing what to think and he should consider where he should have sought help, ie NOT in the arms of another woman. He's being such a manchild and not taking responsibility for this - he's not even calling it an affair, he calls it 'nice banter'.
Urgh. He's going to see his parents today and I told him to for god sake confide in someone - maybe not his folks but maybe his brother or another friend down there. Men just don't wanna talk do they. Maybe he knows the listener would slap him upside the head.
Meanwhile my 2 ds's have joined me in bed and playing their iPad games so I'm going to start imaging life as a single mum.
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Abneys aftermath - he's gone, what do I do now
abneysporridge · 13/10/2013 07:48
Abney, you are a marvellous woman, very strong, and warm, with integrity. There is no way that ex-FuckWit was ever good enough for you.
So happy to hear you had a good day overall. Your children are so lucky to have you and your family around them.
There will be ups and downs, and some days you will question yourself, but know this: you are worth your weight in gold and you deserve the best, the absolute best. 
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anniegetyourgun that made me 
He really hasn't thought this through and by the time he does it will be far too late. You deserve a lot more Abney
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Abney, I hope you're doing ok. If you know he's at OW's, find out where she lives and drop a bag of his dirty pants at her house. Leave a helpful instruction such as, "You may need to soak these first. I usually wear rubber gloves." 
Hope your ok today Abney.
I have read a story of a woman in your situation and she took all her husbands clean pants and rubbed them with chillies or doused them in chilli powder, gave him said pants and let him reap the eye watering consequences, not that I'm advocating such action 
but I was amused by it!
Stay strong
Morning, sorry I've been a bit quiet - lots of contemplation. Dh came back last night and we did the boys bedtime trying to be as upbeat as poss, then talked and talked til we were knackered, and he slept on the sofa. He is very remorseful and ashamed, but is sticking to his guns re my ignoring him and not being affectionate all these years. I don't really see how we can move past this and to be honest I don't think he wants to. His mind is made up that he is unfulfilled here with us and I'm not prepared to beg for him to come back so I guess it's all over. Quite sad about this since we have 13 years of history , good times and bad times and amazing times! Somewhere along the way we lost each other completely and I just didn't realise how badly.
It's all so shit isn't it. Not feeling too strong today. My mum is swooping in shortly to prop me up
Hi Abney, that is what my H said, that we had got too much distance between us. Funnily enough the timescale he gave was 10 years - about the time when DS2 was born (unplanned!) and life began to be a major juggling act. Apparently he didn't take kindly to having such a small share of my time and attention - what he didn't realise was that he wasn't bottom of the heap, I was! I was the one who ran myself ragged making everything work, that never had time for myself. But he still got pouty about it 
Meanwhile I suffered from depression and stress....
However he did want to stay and try to fix things. 16 months later and he's still here. But I'm still not 100% sure that I want to be.
You don't need to beg him to stay even if you do decide you want him to. You just need to ask whether he would be prepared to try again - start over on a new page. It takes two to fuck up a marriage, it takes two to fix it.
Stay strong xx
Then he should have talked to you about it instead of starting an affair! There is no excuse and its disgusting that he's trying to put the blame on you, and i assume also the children for taking up all your time and attention
Selfish twat.
Did you find out for sure where is staying? Personally i think going to the other woman at this time would be unforgivable for me.
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No it's not an option. I think he's had one foot out the door for a while. And yeah he is trying to justify what he did. Really didn't see this coming in my life. Now it's down to me to raise 3 boys into responsible non-cheating men??
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