Oh God! Just looked up H OW on FB - feel sick

[Whatnext074]

I know I shouldn't have done it but I was curious. Yesterday I told myself that I didn't need to search for her but I just did, I didn't know her surname but just did a search under her first name and location.

My H told me she was older than me but she doesn't look it and I feel so sick as she is stunning. I feel sick, I feel sick! It's all in my head now and I shouldn't have looked. I'm just torturing myself. I'll never get better.

I do think its one of the reasons why this has hit you so hard whatnext. Obviously it's horrendous enough to have your husband leave you for an ow but you were already grieving and suffering so much.

He really has betrayed you. He knows what he has done and that will be part of his 'punishment', having to live with this.

Bless you having to deal with knowing he has discussed it all with ow. How you haven't done h any physical ha I don't know! Utter bastard.

So tomorrow is a year on gr losing your precious baby. It must be so painful not to be sharing the day with him. I think other posters have said it but I think if you can somehow deal with it as if the person he was has gone. He's not your h as was...it's a new man you don't know. Not easy to get to grips with I know. Who will you be with tomorrow?

Sending you a hug xx

I told him weeks ago that he never dealt with any of the losses. He said it started with the OW as her Dad had recently died and she needed 'comfort' in coming to terms with it and he said she could contact him anytime to talk. He then told me she was supporting him in dealing with our losses. It broke my heart.

mamma is right, it's why I am struggling so much to get better.

This 'sharing' is likely all temporary flim-flam, on their part, What.

My heart goes out to you having to deal with all of these losses.

When I told him I went to the memorial garden just to sit for a while, he said why do I do it to myself and he tells me he's not the type of person to dwell on the past and it's negative. The hospital treat lost little ones with great respect and hold a service for them after and place them in a memorial garden.

Tomorrow I'm going to organise my paperwork and then I'm off to London to spend the weekend with my DB.

Thanks for the hug x

Of course. The expression "kick a woman when she's down" comes to my mind. You needed love, security, nurturing and tlc...even without this current situation you needed all of this for a long time to come.

In time to come your mind will move into a way of thinking that will consider him unworthy of sharing theses memories with you. I know that is a way off and not really of comfort to you but I promise it will be

Xx

Permission to poke him in the eye with a stick? How damned insensitive . Of course you remember he day, it's only a year and allow yourself that time.

Good to hear you have already planned things for tomorrow . You sound pretty strong , now how about another crumpet?

So glad you're seeing your brother tomorrow whatnext. You can have a lovely, warm real-life hug from him. That will do you the world of good
X

They love to get all the attention from OW at our expense I encouraged my H to ring his OW when we were splitting up and walked in on him telling her all about my new house? I said she is no part of m y life and if you are so in love why don't you have other things to discuss. He said sorry but the next time I heard them he was talking about what I'd don again. Why do they do it? I think it's because the OW wants to share everything about him so she doesn't lose him, part of the plan to become indespensible.

I bought a pink hetty!(henrys sister)!

My mind got the pink hetty. She likes to get dad using it because he thinks he looks silly :)

• my mum....

cjel - you are right, also he has nothing else to talk about as he has spent 11 years of his life with me and has no friends. It's like they want to be part of their history as it's not like when you're in early 20s. When you have been married, most of your memories are with that person. If you want to be a different person than you were to maybe impress the OW then that mask will fade at sometime because you can't pretend forever.

I'm probably not making much sense as I'm just punching away at my keys on my pink laptop to get these thoughts down.

We I have a Henry, I think if he takes that then I'll get Hetty.

It does make sense whatnext. Your lives were woven together by home life, history, your son, family....it's very hard to unpick that and detach from your history. That's why he talks about you and your experiences.

Why oh why do these ow want these men??

Btw....he better bloody not take the Henry...

Did he use it much? If not it's yours I say...

I bought all the new stuff I needed on his credit card so he bought Hetty!!!

High five cjel...

Hope you've had an ok evening whatnext.

Another day forward my lovely....keep on plodding on. You're doing great.

Nite x

mamma - he used Henry, we shared the chores and hoovering was something he did.

Yes, another day done and another day away from that dark Saturday.

'night x

mamma.
Goodnight WHAT - wishing you peace and sleep. One day nearer happinessxx

What - it's odd , my XH had no friends and we were together for ten years! He didn't make friends easily.

XH and OW bonded over her baby loss some six years ago. She said he could provide the emotional support that her own H couldn't..... She in turn consoled him over the loss of his dad some 20 years ago. They understood each other you see......

I am so sorry for your losses. Ignore what your Twunt says and you remember them however you want to. I have seen a family member grieve after three miscarriages and know how awful it was for her.

Look after yourself .

I'll raise your hetty with a toile de joie sofa and some gold shoes

I had about a month of deep spending. Twas fab.

Lovely, don't stand back and let him take Henry!! I really don't see why he can come in and clear you out, or why you should let him. If his derisory tenner is anything to go by, he intends for you to live in penury. Also the internet shit. gosh, he is revolting.

My kids wanted to buy me a mobile and ex took them shopping for it and he chose a Dom Jolly brick of a thing. I had to pretend to be all excited and thrilled for the kids' sake, but it was desperately insulting, especially when he had state of the art this and that. What is it with these types that they want you at the very bottom of the pile?

Night what . My EXP has just emailed me - first contact in 4 weeks - asking if I have his railcard... You can imagine what I would like to say .., not responding .. But yes I have it... And NO I' m not returning it. Ok, I know it's petty but I really really don't care. Needless to say he didn't ask me how I am or owt ....hope you sleep well. You are SUCH a long way from that dark Saturday . Never go back.. Always go forwards x

I must admit I spent like crazy for 6 months and made sure I was stocked up on everything I needed as he was away every weekend and eating out with OW I don't know what came over me, I was being very reasonable and only bought essentials!!! Love the toile sofa and gold shoes - bare necesaties I thinkx

skye - they can't deal with reality and we are reminders of the traumatic feelings they have so they switch off, transfer it and justify their actions by 'supporting' someone else and this makes them feel good about themselves - it's terribly sad.

spring - I am keeping Henry, he lives in one room now and can afford to buy whatever he wants. I'm sure his OW has a Henry of her own - but then again, it wouldn't stop her taking mine would it?!

redundant - can't believe he contacted you, has he not needed a train for the past 4 weeks? Good for you for not replying, stay strong and maybe you can post it to him in the bin in time.

spring - my H lives in one room now - not Henry....

Don't let her have your henry OW had my £500 leather motorbike jacket and £300 helmet?!!! Even wearing my clothes?? when I queried where it had gone he said 'oh no i've got rid of that' The only things he took from the house?? Because of course she went on the bike now- Mrs wonderful = I had to give it up because of a bad spine.
I tell you they have no shame. I think they are very sad desperate women.