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Original poster

Oh God! Just looked up H OW on FB - feel sick

1000 replies

Whatnext074 · 12/10/2013 23:52

I know I shouldn't have done it but I was curious. Yesterday I told myself that I didn't need to search for her but I just did, I didn't know her surname but just did a search under her first name and location.

My H told me she was older than me but she doesn't look it and I feel so sick as she is stunning. I feel sick, I feel sick! It's all in my head now and I shouldn't have looked. I'm just torturing myself. I'll never get better.

OP posts:
mammadiggingdeep · 22/10/2013 23:56

For as long as you need.

Don't worry about doing too much...take it as it comes. If you have another get-nothing-done day, so be it.

Nite nite xx

teaselweasel · 23/10/2013 08:01

De-lurking to add what has helped me cope with trauma and grief.

Create an email folder called Asshole and set up a rule so that his messages go into that folder so you can deal with them when YOU'RE ready.

Have as little to do with other person as poss. Cold turkey does work and when your mind wants to wallow in memories, be determined and make it think of something else. I've heard meditation is good for thought control but haven't tried it.

Consider getting a storage unit for items you want to keep and don't want ex binning or taking. Remember some items might have emotional sting at the mo but this will not always be so. If you like them,box and keep them.

Go for walks in the countryside if it ever stops raining. Nature always feeds the soul.

I personally found TFT therapy very helpful for reducing the emotional pain and stress and advise finding a therapist in your area.

Your ex sounds such an ass, plus he has bad breath - ugh. One day you will realise that you are well rid, and that there is someone new and exciting out there for you. X

FelineSad · 23/10/2013 09:12

Second what teaselweasel said.

I've been quite weepy this week but ex has started contacting me in what I would call a random and unnecessary way. I suspect he may be having second thoughts and the questions he rings up about are completely unnecessary. However it's unsettling and I was doing so well.

If I need to contact him (we have two children) I save it all up for a day I know I'm going to have to see him anyway and either ask him face to face or send the e-mail that day so I can have totally ex free days.

teaselweasel · 23/10/2013 09:13

Just read yesterday's posts. Remember keys can be copied once someone has it. The outlaws could easily get a other key cut unbeknownst to you and simply return one of them. I'm glad you're getting angry now. I couldn't believe his nerve with regards to his post.

captainmummy · 23/10/2013 09:15

What - brilliant. You've found that anger - now that will carry you forward. he is such an arse. Love the response 'haven't you got something you should be dong with OW'! Grin

Re the post - if you write his new addrfess on the envelope it will be redirected anyway. No charge (or it used to be. Has it changed?)

BlueSkySunnyDay · 23/10/2013 09:36

I have done nothing That sounds like a heck of a lot of days for me Blush and im not going through what you are

I now have a task list and try to cross off at least one thing every day - yesterday "house insurance", today I have MOT and switch utilities!!

BlueSkySunnyDay · 23/10/2013 09:37

"make a will" has been on my list for a decade Blush

mammadiggingdeep · 23/10/2013 10:59

They start contacting you more when they sense you're starting to be ok...when you're not so needy they start changing their minds. Idiots.

Detach, detach, detach.....

What...hope you're having an ok day so far. Hope you're busy doing nothing :) xx

skyeskyeskye · 23/10/2013 11:00

teasel my email folder is called "Twunt" . He is also that in my mobile phone, but I need to change that now that 5yo DD can read better...... He rings her on my mobile, and I can just imagine her sat there talking to him, saying Daddy, why does it say Twunt on Mummys phone when you ring me? Grin

My Twunt has just been hit with a problem in his business, because he hadn't changed his address somewhere. He has been gone for 18 months, had his own fixed address for 12 months... and still can't organise himself to change his address on everything!

I like the sound of sending the £5 back and telling him to put it towards the redirect! Certainly do not be forwarding his post on to him. Simply tell him where he can find it once a week, end of. He won't redirect it unless you inconvenience him...

cozietoesie · 23/10/2013 11:05

....Daddy, why does it say Twunt on Mummys phone when you ring me?....

Sorry - but that made me giggle. Grin

skyeskyeskye · 23/10/2013 11:08

I know, I can just hear her saying it! I must change it, but don't want to see his name come up. I never refer to him by name, he is always the Ex. or Twunt . Maybe I should change it to Useless Tosser instead, but I'm guessing that's not much better as DD could read that too Grin.

Maybe I will just change it to Ex.

cjel · 23/10/2013 13:10

Morning WHAT, your posts sound a bit less despairing now and its lovely to read.
I packed all Hs suff in packing boxes, piled it all up in the playroom and he came to get it from there. Other stuff he left behind I then piled in the garage( including a piano, a tumble drier and dinning table and chairs?!) and said his mate was taking it to storage and charge him for it. He started to say he wasn't paying so I just said your choice. Because it was his mate who did the storage he came and got it when I told him to!!! Hope today is a good one for youxxxx

Original poster
Whatnext074 · 23/10/2013 13:15

teasel - I need to get a box to put 'our' things in like our wedding album etc. He might not want them but they are part of me and in time I can decide what to do with them.

The key thing was more me making a point that there was no need for them to have them, I know copied can be made but they wouldn't do that and even if they did I wouldn't be bothered as they wouldn't come here. His 'D'M text me this morning 'Hi, Whatnext' hope you are well, I have posted the keys back today x' - stupid cow, she treated me horribly over this and told me H has done nothing wrong and I had no right to read his diary regardless of him having a 'special' friend who he has found happiness with but now they seem to be going softly with me.

Feline - I'm sorry you are having a weepy time. Why, why do they start contacting us over trivial things? Really, I've had endless texts emails over past 2 days over same things, he went weeks before contacting me before!

Bluesky - we had joint wills. I have just bought one of those DIY wills and I need to do that to pass everything to my DS. It is a priority but I just need the clear head space to do it.

mamma - perfect sense from you as always. It will be interesting to see if once he collects his belongings next weekend whether he stops the contact until the new year as he has suggested or whether it continues.

By the way, just checked my account, he said he was putting £5 in but he's put £10 in??!

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 23/10/2013 13:26

Two months worth. What a prince! (Although I'm interested in the underlying assumption.)

cjel · 23/10/2013 13:29

Can you use £10 to have post redirected maybe to his dms?

Original poster
Whatnext074 · 23/10/2013 13:34

cjel - I'm not mentioning about redirection (yet) to him. If it goes to court, it's all about him relying on me to still do things for him, along with all the repeated texts about his mail. everybody knows about redirection. Also, I want nothing to do with his parents. They too have lost everybody close to them over the years - and it's never their fault - now they have lost me and my DS.

OP posts:
cjel · 23/10/2013 13:37

Ah that sounds good, I was just thinking if he is saying that you are keeping his mail from him then that won't go well for you as you have no proof that you ever had it.
I would tell the insurance company that he isn't with you though?x

redundantandbitter · 23/10/2013 14:13

My kids dad let the house insurance lapse. I renewed it when I realised and was without for a couple of days. Turns out I was now 'technically' a new customer and got a much cheaper policy. Just a thought hun x

Original poster
Whatnext074 · 23/10/2013 14:34

The house insurance is paid for this year. It's his car that I'm confused about. He passed his test 4 days before leaving me and has since bought a car but has put this address down for his car which is why he's panicking why his documents haven't come through.

It was only a few days ago that I thought why would they come here?! He must have registered his car under this address and if he's done that with his insurance too then that's fraud, although I wouldn't expect his insurance documents to come here as all that can be done online. I don't know anything about his car, what it is, licence or who he's insured with so can't do anything about it. It's his problem if they haven't arrived but it is suspicious if both his car documents and his bank card haven't arrived weeks later. I honestly haven't had them here and I would have posted them on if I had. He needs to look into it and I've told him that (as in I'm not his secretary). I don't know why he hasn't done that already but maybe after my text last night he will now.

The only thing I know is he was obsessed with getting a German car - probably to please his German OW!

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 23/10/2013 15:51

Remember that, if your Council is like my Council, you should be able to apply for a 25% reduction in Council Tax now. (I don't think DS counts in the calculation due to his age.) Only a modest amount of money but it makes a point.

cozietoesie · 23/10/2013 16:01

He's bought a (presumably) BMW having only just passed his test? Quite mad. And I wonder just what his insurance premiums were - depending on where you live, I reckon he'd be lucky to get it under the £2k with no NCD.

redundantandbitter · 23/10/2013 16:03

Defo to the council tax - you need to
Know where he's gone though, they'll want his address. And, if OW been getting a single persons allowance up til now , she'll lose it. Hey ho.

When I took him off my car insurance the quote went down. Small things but every penny helps.

How wAs your day what?

cozietoesie · 23/10/2013 16:09

I think that my Council, for example, just requires a declaration, redundant and doesn't need any further details - so councils may be different. They may, however, check with the electoral roll so that's another alteration to make, What.

Oh and by the way. It would do you no harm at all to get yourself set up for credit checks. \link{https://www.noddle.co.uk/\Noddle} are free so you could do that anyway - takes about 2 to 3 minutes - but you can also get one-off checks from Experian and the other agencies for about £2 (I think) if you're so minded.

redundantandbitter · 23/10/2013 16:23

Yeah, needs checking with your own council hun. I know my Exp was staying with a friend who was claiming the single persons allowance (he was only there temp). But this meant his EXW couldn't claim for her reduction as she had to state where he was currently living and it would have meant his mate losing his allowance. Sorry if that sounds really muddled. I' m tired

cozietoesie · 23/10/2013 16:28

Not muddled at all, tired or no. It's worth a check is all. With all the money likely going out from What's husband and his apparent concern over finances (the proposed internet cancellation) it's as well for her to get any savings that are going and also to check that she's not being embroiled in any financial commitments. Sorry to be so cynical (the latter) but these things do happen.

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