How long does it take to 'get over' and how to immunise myself ?

[redundantandbitter]

So, it's been nearly 4 weeks since being dumped for yoga lady. Bloody hard, long days and crap sleepless nights. Body is falling apart . He has done this previously (2.5 yrs ago) but returned 5 weeks later. We are NC but am panicking at the thought of him tipping up again with his "hi honey, how are you?" emails. I lurk here to distract myself and there's lots of good advice but I still feel weak and confused and like there is more to come . I only say this as I know his behaviour patterns. Last time we spoke was weeks ago and he said see you in a couple of weeks . Not sure why? Argh. In addition, Has anyone truly honestly stayed 'friends' with an ex? (Apart from Simon Cowell).

Hold on r&b. Just because put had a slightly hmmmm experience doesn't mean you should never be on the lookout again. Look at me. Heartbroken as anything. Now I'm chipper as anything

As for what the exW said. I said in my pm that it was a bit of a headfuck. Either way, remember that everyone has an agenda in this xxx

Big hugs to you either way xx

Hi. Back from volunteering. Cold and f'ing miserable. Sat in bed with toast and hot water bottle. For the first time in ages I have cried today , several times.

Yeah, agenda, it did occur to me that it was v odd. Just completely sad now, not felt like this for a while . Why did she say that? Surely neither her nor me should be wasting any more if our headspace on him. Both of us single,, spending £££'s on therapy when he has a new shag. Urgh. I hate it all. Sorry

I shall resist the urge to tell you that you shouldn't have sent the emails young lady and just stroke your head and make soothing noises instead xxx

You will never understand or get the answers you want because there are no answers. It all makes no sense. It's very painful coming to terms with that

So sorry you are going through all this turmoil R&B. As always BOOP is spot on - there are no answers, it makes no sense. Obviously I don't know about the email but I have spoken at length with my OMs ex-wife and she got no answers after a 15 year relationship, 10 years and marriage and 2 DC. I think I've told you before that your ex sounds like a narcissist, google it x

Plumbing being sorted on Monday. Putting the hmmmmmm down to nerves so will give it another go. No chance of seeing ONS again. If he was interested he knows where I live.

You sound in a good place BOOP - how long is it now since your separated?

Thanks guys, you two are lovely - here's a mince pie

boop I should be paying you!

Just sat in the floor of the shower feeling fed up and had a moment when I thought ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. If she believes the 'broken man' act or thinks I will believe it, then she's very mistaken.

He has a shiny new shag. That's that. Going to get on with Xmas presents and cards and decs today while kids away.

put I'm around tomorrow morning - though meeting a heartbroken friend at 12. She's had a hard time so we will drown in mulled wine. You up for a flying visit or is an evening best ?

Have a good day ladies, thanks for your patience. Xx

Thanks guys, you two are lovely - here's a mince pie

boop I should be paying you!

Just sat in the floor of the shower feeling fed up and had a moment when I thought ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. If she believes the 'broken man' act or thinks I will believe it, then she's very mistaken.

He has a shiny new shag. That's that. Going to get on with Xmas presents and cards and decs today while kids away.

put I'm around tomorrow morning - though meeting a heartbroken friend at 12. She's had a hard time so we will drown in mulled wine. You up for a flying visit or is an evening best ?

Have a good day ladies, thanks for your patience. Xx

Oh Put yes I suppose everyone deserves a second chance. Try him out again if you didn't break him on Thursday

R&B good girl! Up and at 'em! You are doing great and I can see you turning the corner, I really can. You had a down day yesterday but today you have found your boot straps and getting on!

I first broke up with my ex last July. But we spent 5 months getting back together every time he came home (he was working away for 4 weeks ata time) until the beginning of Jan when I found out what he had been up to for well over a year. Confronted him. He denied. Haven't seen him since.

And yes, I'm doing fine now!

Have pm'd you R&B x

boop your experience with ex sounds so painful. He must have been a total idiot to jack it all in for OW. You sound fabulous !

After reading the relationships threads I sometimes think its better to be NC than be dilly dallied (yes, that is a real actual turn of phrase) around , dangling and waiting for scraps. I did that last time. Doh.

Christmas is hard though, I have seen SO many things that I would have bought for him. There are still places I can't go to (my pilates class is near his house and I just can't make the journey in car), songs I can't listen to. I was making some Xmas cards tonight and looked through my stuff to find his card to me from last year. He made it, "to my darling r&b".

Hope you are doing lovely things with your much more sensible DP this Xmas? not jealous at all

Thank you hon. I know "hon" is illegal on mn but I don't care. I'm not sure I'm fabulous. But I give it my best shot

I wish with all my heart that is made a clean break last July. It would've saved so much pain in the end but my god I adored that man and I couldn't bear to let go or give up hope. I thought we were meant to be together forever. Clearly not

I know what you mean about the things that trigger the emotions. I still regularly have to change radio stations

As for reading the relationships board. Tbh I've stopped. I found it very depressing and draining and I started to feel very jaded and angry with men. I don't think it's healthy to overload on it.

Hun, hun, hun, hun, hun... Arrest me. I very dare you

I'm dialling 666 to summon the mn vipers to arrest you

Ooooh scared

Are you still alive R&B or did a MN ninja get you in the night?

Hi BOOP x She's on her way round to mine for a cuppa

Oh how lovely

It was lovely, you're ALL lovely. Never thought when I posted my sad arsed thread that I would meet such good nice lovely folk.

Right back at ya R&B - the man is a fool!!

Put tree and decs up. Have a few nice things to look forward to but on the whole not looking forward to Xmas at all. Not heard from toy boy since yesterday - not sure whether to text or just leave it......

Hey hun, leave him to think about how lovely you are,
. He'll be in touch

Very down , my friends 4 days old baby girl is very very poorly. It's not looking good. So upset. :(

Have been thinking about your friends baby R&B and am sending all the positive vibes I can - praying she's pulls through x

Oh lord how utterly awful sending some more strength and positive vibes from me too. Just can't imagine what her poor parents are going through

So... GP told me to reduce my meds due to feeling a bit manic and now I feel right back where I was weeks ago. Spent all day in tears , doing all the ''why has he done this to me' type stuff. The meds were just masking the pain, abd I thought I was feeling better. Now I reduce the meds and the pain resurfaces. It's awful. I actually very nearly called EXP to ask him "are you sure?". I didn't but I want to. WTF. It's pissed me off to STILL be feeling this shit, worthless, dumped and generally unloved. Urgh

Oh no r&b that's not good. How about going back and asking for a different kind? Maybe this one just doesn't suit you.

Any news on that poorly baby?

I've got a cold, didn't sleep well and have possibly the busiest most pressurised day at work ever.

Just checking in to see how you are x

She's been supporting me on my thread Boop x

How are you with the reduced ADs?