Pease help I have left him

[Nastyhusband]

My husband is a nasty drunk I have had lots of threads over the years.
Tonight he was horrible and hung one of my dogs up by a choke collar to force me to do something. I left.

I am with the children we are safe. My son is 12 and is devastated. He did not see the row as was staying elsewhere.

I am not going back to that marriage ever. I have been abused by a drunk for years and had enough. Am I strong enough?

Please tell me I am doing the right thing as my son is so very upset. I know I need to do this as he is horrible to the dc too sometimes.

What do I tell the dc ? Do I tell them about the abuse to explain why we are leaving ? I don't know what to do please help.

OP, you are making a very big mistake. I hope for your sake you and your dc are not made to regret it in the worst possible way.

you get do without homework things for a week surely this is just an excuse you are telling yourself, actions speak louder than works and you are going back , I really hope it doesn't just pull you back in , and it will be a case of the kids having to leave their home twice.

OP, I know it's hard to camp out at your folks, but it's only a week. Please reconsider your decision to go back to the house.

Have you told anyone in RL that you are leaving?

I have told people I am leaving and we are moving into the house at the weekend, the tenants are moving out Thursday and I am going over Thursday eve to measure up for furniture etc.

We are back home, it is all very civil. We are moving out at the weekend.

So you're back home.

The chances of this situation remaining 'civil' are slight. Have the means of getting out immediately at the slightest of comments/pleas/blaming/anger/alcohol being apparent. Of course ChelseaBun and everyone else are right - it's a v high risk time, and strategy.

You seem to be getting a lot of flack for going back to the house. Really and truly I think you probably know what's best, and it does sound like you will stand firm about it being over.

No "flack" from me, but I could never support anyone taking children back to live under the same roof as someone capable of such worryingly dysfunctional behaviour.

OP, if he is being so "reasonable" about all this he will be totally ok with you reporting him to the RSPCA and the Police for deliberately hurting an animal in order to attempt to control you.

Won't he ?

Next step, he uses one of the kids to "pretend" to hurt because stranglign the dog didn't get the result he wanted. It's logical, to me. And him. And most of the rest of us on this thread. And the police would see it the same way too.

Nope, no flack - just solid, informed advice about the risks and what precautions she should take for as long as she remains in a v risky situation with her children.

no its no flack she was all upset aobtu her kids missing their Dad and how they were asking after him, then to move back then leave again will be hard for them and may pull her back in. which she is saying she does not want, and maybe as she is living it, she cannot see how it may happen

Also, good luck when explaining to SS if this does escalate, why after his Sociopathic behaviour with the dog, you returned home despite having other options.

The OP has received no flack, just good advice.

She's gone back. No amount of berating can actually change that fact. She's made a choice, she had all the opinions on her beforehand to help inform her choice. I reckon we mostly all think it is the wrong choice but surely what she needs from mumsnet now is help to minimise risks/support in dealing with anything that happens from now until the weekend when she hopefully will move out.

Have you agreed how you're going to divide joint responsibilities for this week?

Sorry, reason I ask is because I think you need to minimise opportunities for potential conflicts and also Disney dadding.

I think you could substitute the word flack with the word criticism and it would be true.

Thanks for the onions and yes I have made an informed choice. We need to co parent and I think if the children can see we are getting on and not a lot will change apart from who lives where. They know we are moving next week and we are only back at that house for a few days.
We need to secure the sale of our house and get the documents completed which needs his signatures. He is under no illusion we will stay. He does not want us to stay.
He has never ever been threatening or abusive whilst sober so I feel there is no risk whilst he is sober.

Onions ? Onions ?

Opinions

Will you know if or when he is out drinking in the next few days? Might he say that he is at work, when really he is out drinking?

Good luck, love. And stay away from those onions

Yes I will know if he is drinking, he is devoted to his job and won't miss a day even when he has been really poorly. If he has a drink in the evening we will be out of the door. He never usually drinks in the week.
He is going to tell his parents tomorrow.

We have the find my friends app that he has not disabled so I can see exactly where he is !
I have disabled mine and changed my pass codes so he can't access my phone / iPad etc.

Have you a grab bag with important stuff stashed away in case you need to make a sharp exit?
If you must do this please make a thorough risk assessment and put things in place in case he escalates his abuse.
I'm sure you will

That is next on my list of things to do. If I felt it was likely though I would not be here.

Did you think it was likely he would hurt the dog to get at you?