Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Dating Thread 64

1001 replies

unBant · 05/10/2013 15:11

Here we go again...

OP posts:
Hormonalhell · 14/10/2013 19:51

Also Freckled, I have just asked the guy I am about to meet about it (just said it was my friend enquiring) and he said that all guys are different but if he was talking to a woman and they'd had a few dates and were getting on well, he wouldn't be logging in no way.

He could just be saying this to impress me but I have noticed he's not been on POF since we exchanged numbers 2 weeks ago and I do regularly check

FreckledLeopard · 14/10/2013 19:54

Oh god, don't tell me that!

I really don't know what to do. Switch phone off? Phone him? Text again? Go on some other dates?

Seriously, dating is not good for me. Sad

Hormonalhell · 14/10/2013 20:38

Sorry I didn't mean to worry you. Like he said everybody is different, if it really does concern you though it is going to drive you mad.

I know what you mean though, I really don't enjoy it either because I have such an anxious/impatient personality.

FreckledLeopard · 14/10/2013 21:24

Are we related?! Wink The overwhelming stress and anxiety far outweighs the fun.

dontcallmehon · 14/10/2013 21:26

I agree - it is stressful and anxiety inducing. I'm going to attempt to multiple date to alleviate the stress. At least then if one doesn't text, the other will....

Hormonalhell · 14/10/2013 21:36

Yes thats exactly what I did Dontcallme. I was chatting to five at one point a few weeks ago but now its just the one which I am hoping is the one turns out to be a nice guy Grin

Hormonalhell · 14/10/2013 21:38

Freckled I always thought I had a twin somewhere in the worldGrin

OneDayWhenIGrowUp · 14/10/2013 22:13

Maybe he's only gone on the site to check if you have been on there..... ;-) :-p

Angeletta · 14/10/2013 22:17

OneDay Yes I think he does want to meet or he would have tried to move the date back, not forward, or just disappeared altogether. I wish we could have managed to meet up sooner though as it's taking on too much importance. I was thinking of myself as on the sofa and didn't want to plunge into OD until I had lost some more weight, because I don't feel confident at my present weight. The last thing I was expecting was for anyone to take an interest in me in RL.

Anyway, this means I don't have anyone else on the hook to distract me. I am going to put Scandinavian Guy out of my mind, go back to the gym and plan something fun to take the place of the cancelled date.

melanie58 · 14/10/2013 23:20

Please may I join the thread? I have decided not to do online dating as it sounds too scary and I haven't got the guts to post photos of myself online. So it's real life or nothing.

I went to a concert by myself on Saturday and got chatting to the man in the next seat, who was also by himself. We had a drink afterwards. He was easy to talk to as we liked the music and had children the same age.

He gave me his email address but I'm in two minds about contacting him. Though he was nice I didn't think he was attractive (not hideous, but I didn't fancy him). If I get in touch is he automatically going to think I've got the hots for him, or will he sensibly think 'oh good, Mel and I can be concert buddies'? I don't want to be fending off unwanted advances but he could be a friend.

rollermydisco · 14/10/2013 23:36

Melanie - I'd say go for it and send him an email, attraction can be something that builds and you could exchange a few emails before even deciding if you want to see him again in person, just see what the rapport is like. Email is probably one of the safest ways to communicate and easy to block him if you decide you aren't interested, should he become a pest. Just make sure you're comfy every step of the way!

I officially give up - Deleted Pics Man hasn't been back in touch since I asked him, and as for keeping a few on the boil at once, I've been trying that and just got loads of abuse off a guy for "wasting his time".

It's so hard but will keep ploughing on!

Hormonalhell · 14/10/2013 23:38

Roller disco yes plow on...there is someone for everyone I firmly believe that Smile

OneDayWhenIGrowUp · 14/10/2013 23:54

Wasting his time? Gah, I'd have told him to get over himself. The very reason that I am happy to be talking to/meeting up with several people in the same timeframe is precisely so I DON'T feel like I've wasted my time if/when someone turns out to not be my next boyfriend!

So I joined a second, free site with much higher traffic. Instantly getting rubbish messages. Does anyone put 'secret words' in their profiles any more, to test if people have actually read the whole profile (ie sneak in somewhere, put this phrase in your message)?? I remember OD a few years ago everyone had that.

rollermydisco · 14/10/2013 23:57

Thanks hormonal and good luck for Weds night! :)

rollermydisco · 15/10/2013 00:02

Oneday - I've seen lots of guys profiles that say things like "say the word banana when you message me so I know you've read this" - so people do do it.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp · 15/10/2013 00:51

Goodness how do people expect you to respond to some of these messages/profiles. I feel like I should put an addendum at the end of my profile.

I will instantly delete your message it:

  • it just says 'hi', 'hello', or 'hey there sexy' with no effort to actually introduce yourself (nicely)
  • u uze txt spk n cnt spill
  • you finish with multiple x's. You don't know me yet. I barely tolerate that from long standing friends.
  • you ask me a question when the answer is in my profile
  • you are wearing insufficient clothing in your profile picture
  • you haven't bothered to fill in your own profile when I've gone to the effort of actually writing about me for mine.

However I fear that the prime offenders wouldn't read my profile to get that information anyway!!!

OneDayWhenIGrowUp · 15/10/2013 00:52

IF not it. Obviously. Brilliant that I put a typo in a message whinging about peoples' poor internet communication.

ordinarybloke · 15/10/2013 06:30

Melanie,you can always make a new email address/account using outlook.com/yahoo/gmail and use that to contact him.if later you ask him not to contact you again and he ignores that then you can always delete that email address/account whlist keeping your main/normal email address.

akaWisey · 15/10/2013 07:52

Sadly, oneday, some of them can barely read, it seems (see my earlier post about readed guy Grin.

akaWisey · 15/10/2013 07:55

To add:

I said almost exactly this to my date on Saturday night - I asked him if in RL he'd just go up to a woman he fancied and say "hello" but nothing else.
I asked him if he'd expect a woman to reciprocate by opening up a conversation.

He said of course not.

feelinlucky · 15/10/2013 08:56

Aka, that still makes me howl. Readed is an absolute classic. :)

powpow80 · 15/10/2013 09:21

Pof just gets better and better. Apparently it's discrimination if you don't want to chat to a married man. According to him discrimination is not good.

I have to say sometimes I give the "hi, how are you messages" a chance if their profile sounds decent enough. My pet peeve is the guy who has a generic introductory message that he copies and pastes to every girl in the area. You can always tell.

FreckledLeopard · 15/10/2013 10:53

Well, I have two dates lined up with other people for next week. Unfortunately, all I want is for the guy I've been on four dates with to text me. I have resisted sending another message so far. Just want to know where I stand Sad.

Poffedoff · 15/10/2013 13:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bant · 15/10/2013 15:56

It's discrimination if you don't want to chat to a married man? - well, yes, technically it is. It's also discrimination if you don't want to date an axe murderer, a hamster, or an entitled wanker who would obviously cheat on you.

Wear the discrimination badge with pride. You are very discriminating. Tell him to look it up.

As to the generic message, yes it's annoying. But believe me, as most women expect men to send the first message it can get soul destroying to write a couple of paragraphs of witty prose, referring to something in their profile, introducing me just a tiny bit and asking a question to elicit a response, then sending it off into the ether and never hearing back from 9 out of 10 women. Do that a few nights and you've written a book from scratch over the course of a couple of weeks, with maybe a 'Hello!! You Look Nice!!! Wanna chat? LOL" response back from a couple of people.

I have a relatively generic message, two short paragraphs, and I add a third personalising it to the person I'm messaging. It saves a lot of wasted energy rather than rewriting it every time and saying the same thing. But completely generic is just silly.

Freckled - sometimes people vanish, they're emotionally unavailable or it's just not working. It's rude, but it's them, not you. The thick skin is essential.

Poffed - You've got to open up a bit and make yourself vulnerable if you want exclusivity, you've just got to phrase it diplomatically. Most men in a relationship will just happily bumble along as things are unless pushed. The key is to not push too hard, just enough to get what you want, and clarify the situation. If he pushes back and says he still wants to date other people, or he says he's fine with exclusivity but doesn't delete the profile, you've got your answer.

Hello everyone else :)

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.
Swipe left for the next trending thread