The Dating Thread 64

[unBant]

Here we go again...

Hello everyone...

I've been on the sofa since my disastrous failed date with Snow Leopard last Christmas (which some of you may remember, got some very wise advice here). Anyway, after years of never meeting anyone in RL, recently I've met two men completely by chance while having lunch/walking to the tube. Neither of them attracted me at first sight and I'd have given them a polite brush off in my twenties but decided I should be more open minded and exchanged numbers. Guy #1 never got in touch and I wasn't interested enough to follow it up. Guy #2 did get in touch although we have yet to meet up as I've been overseas on business.

Anyway, Guy #2 seemed to be doing all the right things...polite, respectful, no penis photography, kept in touch via email but didn't lovebomb me. I kept emails pretty short as I thought we might run out of things to say on a date otherwise. Anyway, we were going to meet for coffee, he upgraded that to afternoon tea, and I offered two alternatives - neither of them expensive as you can pay £££ in London for afternoon tea. Haven't heard back from him for a few days and I strongly suspect he might have disappeared. Slightly miffed as although I didn't see it going anywhere, it would have been my first date for ages, and it would have been nice to meet up with someone who wanted to see me as opposed to someone I virtually had to drag into the café by the scruff of his neck.

Date with Guy #2 was supposed to be Friday (he has just moved to London for work reasons and is house-hunting which is why he is free on a weekday I guess) so if I don't hear from him by lunchtime tomorrow I'll email him again.

It goes to show that the disappearing is a RL thing as well as OD. What this has in common with OD is that I don't know this guy from the ace of spades really so will proceed with caution.

So I'm new to all this, moved out from the house I shared with the ex in July (although it was over long before that, months of sleeping on the sofa following his attack on me, that was just when I reached the the very end of my tether, couldn't hack the it anymore). Decided to try OD as I work in an all-female female environment, not looking for a super-serious relationship but sating for now and to see what the future brings. I have spoken to 3 guys I wanted to meet, the fiest I ended up meeting and whilst he was sweet, there was no spark, he was way too immature (still at home, no plans to move out, no driving licence, lied to parents about coming out to meet me) so have called an end to that. The second guy (mr politics) I have met twice now and am getting on rather well with, he has suggested a third date this week although that will require me to work something out for childcare as we have never met in the evening before. The third guy (mr fitness) seems amazingly lovely, very very very attractive, texts long messages daily (but not not constantly), talks about meeting up but is being rather elusive about when. I'm not pushing the matter, he mentioned needing to find out when a friend's funeral is and letting me know but I would have expected that to have happened by now. Am I best just giving this one up as lost? We seem to be getting to know more and more about each other by the day, do you all think he's just stringing it along with no intention of meeting? We've been texting a couple of weeks now.

I feel a bit out of my depth with all this! Was with ex for years and never really went out so haven't really got any childcare, ex lives far away as do all of my family. I don't want to become a hermit at the age of 27 though! Just don't know what to do about mr fitness, I'm enjoying getting to know him but don't qant it to be a waste of time.

Blimey this thread moves on quick

Has it been a month already super very of the great bedroom antics

I've just got back from my second date with supermarket buyer man, we had drinks and supper at a gastro type pub.

Very relaxed, lovely evening, after making mention of an award I had been given in work he surprised me with a little gift of chops mini bottle of fizz.

Chemistry def there, great snog in the car park that made me feel like a teenager once again

So smallest of dilemmas now though, he said third date was my choice, he knows I have no DC next sat night and asked if I had to get up early Sunday, which I don't.

So would inviting him round to mine for dinner be appropriate for third date??

Glad to hear you got away from your abusive ex mywayy.

Also sounds like you're well shot of the guy who lied to his parents. (picturing him sliding down the drainpipe to meet you).

Re: Mr Fitness, it does sound suspiciously as though he's stringing you along. I would put a time limit on it: ie say 'I've really enjoyed chatting to you, we should really meet up', then commit yourself to a firm time limit to arrange it, say 2 weeks from tomorrow. If you get to that point and he's still stalling, I think you can take it that he doesn't want to meet up and can drop him.

Angeletta hope your Guy#2 resurfaces. I am just back from first date with Dimples, and have had a really lovely evening, little flurry of goodnight texts afterwards as well. He disappeared for a week whilst we were arranging when to meet, but it was purely that we had arranged a date nearly 2 weeks in advance and there was little point in keeping messaging when we had already decided to meet (my ''um, are we still on for date? text was met with an immediate, ''definitely!'') so maybe Guy#2 is like that too :-)

Haven't heard from colleague's housemate today, but if his hangover was anything like mine he's probably still suffering. Colleague texted to say he had passed my number on, so fingers crossed. Have another OD guy(Traveller guy) messaging possible first date later in week. Very much enjoying the field playing. But Dimples tonight was lovely. Just so lovely. Hope to see him again.

Hope everyone else has had a fun dating weekend :-)

OneDay yes it could be that, he's been fairly succinct in his emails so far which is fine with me as I'd prefer to get to know him face to face. However, we haven't set a place or time yet so he is going to have to get in touch with me at least once before Friday. In the long term I'm looking for someone I can communicate with so sorting out a first date is a good test of that actually.

Your Dimples sounds really nice and straightforward.

Gaga sounds like he's assuming you're happy for him to spend the night. Are you comfortable with that?

Gaga I'd say it's fine for 3rd date, if u are comfortable with how things will most probably end up, he's a guy after all

Morning all, sorry to barge in but thought you might appreciate this:

www.fishmeetfish.com/profile/tafazawin

Think it got lost upthread, but I was wondering if anyone would mind taking a look at my OD profile for an objective view?

marking place if not for me for me and a single friend (or 2 or 3). me, 42. my friend 40 next year.

she's Christian, not into casual stuff, not into online dating (she tried a christian dating site and said they were not christian - eg forwarded onto other sites. Also, she's lovely but does salsa/gym etc and doesn't do bars or other places where you may meet men.

whereas me, I'm a fussy cow - don't find it at all hard to meet men (I go more places than my friend) but I want to meet the right one! only just over (sort of) my ex from earlier this year who was great but there were problems and more chemistry than anything else!

phew - what a start to a Monday!

I will Dontcallme but what's your username?

Hi Dontcall me, won't let me private message you for some reason

Your profile looks great! Not tacky, slutty or dull. It's very similar to mine u attract players because you are a pretty girl but one day, the right person will come through. I've not given up yet!

Thanks hormonalhell - I appreciate that. Fingers crossed I meet someone nice soon!

It's really hard to weed out the decent guys at first and then when you do there is zero attraction in my case

My fingers, toes and everything else cross able is being done for Wednesday n my date with mr Gemini. I think I seriously will lose the will to date after this

Hormonal - TBH I have same as you, weeding out decent guys and then ZERO attraction.

I have to be able to fancy them.

GAH!

Well, Guy#2 is back. Let's call him Scandinavian Guy as that's where he's from. He cancelled Friday (didn't apologise which miffed me slightly) and suggested Weds or Thurs evening instead (bringing it forward). Weds I can't do and I wasn't keen on meeting up in the evening as it means drinks, dinner, alcohol etc and I just feel more comfortable with a daytime tea/coffee date as we hardly know each other at this point. I suggested meeting at the weekend but it's now his turn to go abroad and he says he'll email me when he's back.

So the prospect of an actual date recedes ever further into the distance. I don't see this one panning out somehow.

Ah Angeletta I guess keep on fishing...he does sound keen to meet though, it is difficult when we're all busy people isn't it. And it's important you arrange something you're comfortable with.

Argh yes Dimples was a really really nice guy and I have found myself checking phone more often than normal this morning and getting excited about every little text that turns out to be from a friend.....nothing from him yet....ooohhhhhhh the waiting drives you crazy doesn't it.

Yes oneday thats the worst bit for me no patience at all

An occasional poster back again.I gave up on OD for a couple of months.then back in the race. Was chatting to 2 women.one disappeared and I had a date with the other one.it was a true tumbleweed date-she obviously did not fancy me.the other woman popped-up again,said sorry for the disappearance but she started dating another guy,it had not worked out and was I still available? So we had a really nice date 9 days ago. The next morning I texted to day I really enjoyed it and would love to meet up again. She replied later that day agreeing.tuesday sent an email suggesting dates,but no reply from her until yesterday,but she is still keen,so we will see.

Saturday joined another OD site (a Dutch one,I libe in the Netherlands). Messaged one nice womanbwho replied that evening and I replied Sunday, but no further reply from her yet.saturday afternoon a woman from the new site messaged me-seems someone very compatible. Messaged each other a couple of times Sunday. It is certainly interesting.

Sorry ordinarybloke but it's nice to see that men have same problems as us women. Although I do hope u get to meet up!

Ahhhh the world of dating......

Ta for that Hormonalhell (I hope that is not your username on OD-it might just scare some men off). The woman who (or should that be "whom") I had the date with 9 days ago (I think I will name her "Black Pepper Woman") has just replied-it looks lkke our next date will be in two and a half weeks time-due to me being busy the next two weekends and she not favouring "school nights"- so I am happy about that.

And I am learning a lot from these threads!

I've been lurking. Can I join please?

I'm currently biting nails off and over-analysing (as usual). Been on four dates with one guy (met on OkCupid). Had amazing time on each date. Talked for hours. Really fancy him (and he's a great kisser). Have discussed lots about our respective lives/hopes etc.

He texted me yesterday, asking how my weekend was going (I saw him on Friday night and very briefly on Saturday). All good. I replied. And now, nothing. I know he's been online on OkCupid (which sucks - I don't want to stalk him, but at the same time I wish he'd just delete his bloody profile).

I don't want to play games. I told him I really liked him (he said same to me). Either he's a bloody good actor or he meant what he said. But now I feel so horribly insecure. I just can't fathom why he can't reply to a text.

I could go on other dates in the meantime, but I really don't want to. I really like this guy. I suppose, too, that all my significant relationships in the past have always been very intense, very quickly, which is the modus operandi I'm used to. I've never fallen for anyone in a 'normal', 'date by date', 'slow-burn' fashion.

I just need a slap

FreckledLeopard,have you actually had a discussion with him about being exclusive?It might not be the best form to be logging-on without replying to your last message,but if you have not talked-about being exclusive than you cannot expect him to be a mind-reader. His experience and expectations of how fast relationships develop may be very different to yours.

the key word here is "communication".

I asked if he was dating anyone else - he said no. He asked me. I said no. He mentioned he occasionally logs on to OkCupid if someone's sent him a message/looked at his profile. That's about as far as the discussion went.

I'm scared to raise the 'exclusive' subject - I don't want to appear to be chasing him or desparate (I'm not - I just really like him).

Ha ha Ordinarybloke yes I think I wouldnt even get a message let alone a date if I used this name!!

Freckled, I know what you mean about the over analysing though. I have scared off the ones I like because, unlike you I just haven't got the patience to wait and in the early days it does unfortunately put some men off when you text them a lot.

I think I should take my own advice when I say 'try and hold fire a bit longer'