The Dating Thread 64

[unBant]

Here we go again...

I reckon I'd find an ongoing FWB thing hard myself... one nighters would be less of a problem for me bizarrely... I'm quite good at keeping people at arms length too ( until I let them in eventually and they fuck with my head!)

My fear would be having an FWB arrangement would distract me from pursuing a proper relationship elsewhere?

Hormonal that's great... Christ its hard isn't it?

Pof guy has been messaging... Wants to come up tonight even though it's an hour and a half on the bus and he doesn't finish work until 7... Would have to get last bus home at 11 as he has work tomorrow... seems he's trying at least.

Broken...you sound like a sensitive soul.. I know how it feels to have the rug pulled out from under you. The thing is he wasn't lying when he complimented you, I'm sure he meant every word but when it came to the crunch that little something extra just wasn't there for him... it's nothing to do with you or how you behaved etc.
we all know that feeling where we want to feel differently about someone, we know that there is so much that's right about them but there is a slight doubt that it would work long term...
I think he saw that and instead of dragging things out further he knocked it on the head...

Broken. It is hard and upsetting when they say such lovely things and then do a complete 180. Words are easy to say and you have seen by his actions how he really is. Honestly I think you need to try and stop thinking about him. Easier said than done. Maybe you should put the focus on the other things that are not going so well and see what plan you can put in place to change them. Once you get yourself happy maybe then look at dating again.

I'm ok with fwb thing if I am certain I don't want a relationship with them. See them when it suits me. I'll be telling him that I will be dating and if he doesn't like that it won't be happening.

Sounds like you got it all together powpow.

I just find it hard to relax if I like them a lot.

Yes Poffed just give him benefit of the doubt for the time being

broken -I disagree. I can't tell whether someone is marriage material until I've been with them for a long time, but I can tell on a first date if someone is definitely wrong for me (no chemistry, rude to waiter, wipes nose on sleeve etc). If they seem okay and we get on well then it might go to 2, 3 or 5 dates - you're still getting to know each other at that stage, and if something feels wrong then I know it's not right and I'd break it off - or they would. It's not nice but that's dating.

Generally I'm picky, so don't go on a second date unless things are pretty great on the first one.

I'd rather be single than settle for something that feels wrong, I wouldn't just keep dating someone I had doubts about. Some people take longer than me, are more willing to put up with stuff. 5 dates is plenty of time to realise something is wrong. Sometimes it may take 9 months but people can decide things are wrong whenever they feel it.

I have to agree with you there Bant. Been on many first dates with lovely guys but knew that they were not for me. Also feel the same about settling. I just don't have it in me to be with someone for the sake of it.

Hormonal does sound like I have it all sorted all right. Watch this space though I could be back saying I'm in love with my fwb! Said very tongue in cheek

Another one here who agrees with Bant... Everybody has their own timeline for deciding if they want to pursue something... Broken, even it was just the stresses of work that made him back off isn't that a good enough reason?
As a matter of interest were you in contact with him again afterwards?

Just told pof guy not to worry about coming up tonight, that I'd made plans (I haven't really)... that we'd be seeing eachother tomorrow anyway... also reassured him I wasn't intending on setting fire to his bag just yet so no need to worry about that

Er, I think I've sorted my first date!!! For next Saturday, I don't think he's a solicitor, he said he'd tell me when he meets me. He fights crime, sometimes from home and works for the queen. His hairs too long to be a copper but he's 6'6" any ideas?

Haha stupidhead... Sounds intriguing! 6'6?? Some kind of bodyguarding work perhaps?

Powpow was it you who said it was the norm for people you've dated in the past to delete their profile after 2 dates?? Is that the norm in all of your experiences?

Poffed I think it was me that said that, yeah they've always deleted or we did it together. Or changed their description to something awful along with a google picture of something bizarre. That's just the experience with the guys I dated then though, they were always into me. No idea how it'll pan out now!

And bodyguard? Not sure, he's intelligent!

Poffedoff that definitely wasn't me. Haven't found many guys I wanted to meet for a second date. Lol.

Good on you for saying you had plans tonight. Tv, wine and chocolate might be nice. Sure he would barely been in the foot and heading off again. Good that he is making an effort though.

Stupidhead.. I meant some kind of security consultant... Something along those lines... I've def got to set my bar higher so and not put up with online activity continuing on indefinitely from now on...

Powpow, yes, I'm quite chuffed at myself for not succumbing this time... I've pretty much always dictated when we see eachother as it always depends on my schedule with the kids but I have changed plans for him before too... maybe I made myself too available?

Such a pain in the arse though, having to play games and second guess every move incase you're coming across as too needy etc..

The way I look(ed) at it was I really enjoyed spending time with him, not to keep him happy but to make myself happy!
Therefore if I was free to meet then I would, end of.
Looks like I'm going to have to learn how to play the game a little more cleverly

Hate the game playing too. If I like someone I let them know and actually want to spend time with them. If they don't feel the same thats ok with me. I'm pretty thick skinned and know i cant be everyones' cup of tea. Too old for games and not great at playing them either. If I get a sniff of game playing from a guy I am done. It turns me off them.

"...Date two was lovely we get in so well but no kiss and or any contact at all. He's dead keen to date again - maybe he's a slow burner. I am v attracted to him..."

You're far more patient than me Ham. I'd want a snog during after a good first date and if I had a great 2nd date and no snog I'd wonder what the hell was wrong with him start thinking we weren't a good match. I wouldn't want to end up in the "friends zone" with someone I'm hoping to have hot sex with. Besides, what if, after a few wonderful dates you then find out he kisses with a tongue like a wet towel in a washing machine?! Then again I also prefer to shag them fairly soon too, just to check I fancy them naked and they aren't completely incompetent sexually compatibility, and also TBH if there's no sexual chemistry on date one I'm not interested in seeing them again anyway. Anyway, I appreciate I'm very motivated by sex and am a bit of a slut, so you have to go at your pace. If you want to kiss him how about just taking the initiative?

Hormonalhell, be careful. It sounds like, with all the texts, chats and FB friending, you're in danger of investing quite a bit emotionally before you've even met this guy. There is no way of really knowing if there's chemistry before you meet him on Saturday. He has no reason not to be still trawling POF (if that's actually what he was doing by showing as online) until he is exclusive to someone too (I've had to get my head around that as I'm rather "old school" in my dating habits and it seems weird to try and scatter myself thinner than I find normal).

"...met some of his friends..."
If that was a deliberate rather than accidental meeting then that's a good sign I reckon Poffedoff.

Stupidhead, my guess is tax inspector!

I hope he's not a tax inspector :-0

I know but I really do like him so hard not to just hope there is chemistry cos I'm so sick of dating now

Hi would just like to join this thread (there'll be another one for November soon though I am guessing).

I'm 42, career, mortgage etc.

Am on MatchAffinity and am currently finding men who are way above my age range (eg 49/50 etc) who message me. Which is great but I am young at heart and also in looks (get told I look about early 30's). I also tend to go for the good lookers though trying not to be so shallow now LOL.

Have heard that after 40 on dating websites men stop looking - so the younger men I message I generally don't hear back from.

have met a few men IRL but suffice to say due to confidence issues etc for some reason I end up running from what could be very nice men or potentials.

any advice at aall?