The Dating Thread 64

[unBant]

Here we go again...

I cancelled it. Just wasn't feeling it. He seems like a nice guy so I didn't want to waste his time.

Ah ok, sometimes it's just not worth going through with the first date I suppose if it's already a non-runner in your own head...

Got a lovely good morning text from shit-for-brains ... Haven't replied yet.. Fuck

Are you going up reply? Will you say anything about him being online if you do or will you have the patience to wait until you see him Friday?

"sometimes it's just not worth going through with the first date I suppose if it's already a non-runner in your own head"

So true Poffedoff. In hindsight I shouldn't have gone on the date with No3 on Saturday; I wasn't feeling the chemistry before, and I didn't really feel it during the date. I thought maybe he'd be better in the flesh but he ws just a bit too Ali G for me unfortunately, and when he spoke about serious matters it was like he was speaking in riddles! He wanted to meet again and I've just had to let him down gently which I don't like doing. He then called me "unrealistically fussy" (no, I just want someone on my level etc) and said "how you gona date anyone livin in middle of country side" (err, by meeting someone who's living arrangements mean I can take my dog to their's, leave him there while we go out, and be able to spend the night at theirs rather than them always coming to my ghost town!). Then he said "maybe I've had a lucky escape so see ya"...yup, you and me both mate!

I'm really not sure if I'll be able to hold off until Friday tbh... I went through this same thing with him a few weeks back... Knew he was online until one day I saw he'd deleted his profile, it was only then I asked him was he still online... He was truthful, told me he'd only deleted it... Seems he's just not able to stay away from it.... as Bant said before, sweet shop syndrome

Livid, it sounds like Ali G is having a little tantrum there... Bless

You know what Poffedoff, if he's going to be like that when after just one short date I don't want to see him again anyway; I think I had a lucky escape. I sense a bit of an attitude and I can't be doing with that crap.

Regarding your bloke, how about phoning him up and having a chat rather than sending a text? Texts, IMHO, are the worst form of communication for anything remotely emotional. Better to hear his voice if you want an explanation. If you just want to dump rather than discuss anything a text is OK though I reckon.

What a nob that Ali G guy is. No need to be mean when the pride gets a little dented. Not a nice quality and definitely a lucky escape for you.

Poffedoff I definitely wouldn't be able to wait until friday either. I'd be silently seething until then. Fecking sweet shop syndrome indeed.

Livid I totally agree you've had a lucky escape there, He sounds like a petulant child... You did exactly the right thing, you didn't string him along or just disappear, you were truthful and upfront, it's not your problem if he can't hack it..

I was thinking of texting pof guy... I see your point about phone being better but I'm pretty crap at emotional talk on the phone, I tend to get tongue tied and always end up on the defensive... I was going to just text something along these lines...
Hey, so a funny thing happened today... I was over in ( friends) and she asked me to help set up a profile on p

Sorry, pressed post too soon!

... On pof... We were trying out the search option and guess what? Your profile popped up... I think the most interesting part of it was you've upgraded from dating to looking for a relationship... Thought you'd already found one! Silly me believing all your bs...

What do you think? Too much?

Poffedoff I'm rubbish at that sort of thing so probably not the best person to advise. Personally I'd be inclined to replace "Silly me believing all your bs..." to something like "so much for our "let's be exclusive" chat!", followed by "what a load of BS. Bye" if you want to dump him. Thing is, do you want him to explain why he's still on POF and why he's edited his profile after the "let's be exclusive" talk?

Poffed, I'd maybe ask him to explain himself first. See what he has to say. I'm trying to not be too paranoid about the fact that geeky guy has been online on pof everyday since our amazing date. He's not on there for hours or anything. I shouldn't check and should let it evolve naturally I guess.

Poffedoff Personally I'd want the face to face conversation, but if you don't I think your proposed text is good, but I'd leave off the Silly me....etc.

I remember years ago, after I'd met my XDP online, I later went on the site and sent a few messages to guys I'd got on okay with via messaging - just telling them I'd found someone very special and wishing them luck in their search.

I didn't upgrade from dating to looking for a relationship though, so don't cling onto any crumbs of comfort from my reminiscing Poffedoff

Livid, I'm torn between dumping him outright and giving him a chance to explain... Everything that I find wrong about it has already been said to him, I told him i was glad he'd deleted his profile as it didn't sit right with me at all, he agreed at the time that he wouldn't like it either...so he knows how I feel about it, that there's very little excuse apart from the "I'm just not that into you" speech...

Dontcallme... It does seem bizarre that geeky guy is still online so much, maybe these guys don't see it as any big deal? I do know some people are logged in constantly on their phones but not necessarily active? I've just spoken to a friend and she suggests I text him and try to get an explanation too... that there'll be no closure whatsoever unless I do... Think I'll bite the bullet and text him now...

Livid, your wording is pretty bang on so I'll go with that, I'll omit the " bye" for the moment to see if he even tries to explain himself... Feck sake... Hate this shit !

Haha thanks Pauline.... I wish I could find a glimmer of hope from your experience but no, this is totally different I'm afraid...

The thing about face to face is I would have to wait until Friday for that and just don't think I could keep up the charade until then!

No harm in seeing what he says poffedoff. Might help you decide what you want to do with him.

It is crap situation. A finally tuned twat radar is badly needed for OD. I thought mine was good enough but one guy almost made me think it was obsolete!

Dontcallmehon I suppose it would be normal enough to be back on after one date. People do get a little addicted to it. Or maybe like me he had one or two people he became friendly with on it and is chatting to them. Have ye organised a second date yet?

He asked me on the second date immediately and has mentioned it every day in texts! We've sorted time and place etc. He def seems keen. I've just had bad experiences before.

Sorry dontcallmehon I must have missed that bit. Apologies. When is that happening? He certainly sounds keen so. The guys/girls who mess people around make it much harder for genuine people. I think one just has to go with it and as the rules say stop if its no longer fun.

Saturday. We're meeting at 3. Suspect I'll get home at midnight again. He said he'd had an amazing day and it was a lovely surprise. I just find it hard to relax. I like him and I don't want to like him as it makes me feel a bit vulnerable.

Liking someone can do that all right. On the other hand it so makes you feel good too though. That's what I try and concentrate on.

Dontcallme, it is difficult to put yourself out there feelings wise isn't it? I had huge difficulty with allowing myself to be vulnerable with pof guy, he slowly inched his way along though, saying and doing all the right things, travelling a pretty hefty distance to see me at least once and sometimes twice a week... I allowed myself to open up to him and tbh even though it seems to have gone tits up I don't regret it.... There were no red flags apart from the pof thing.

Suppose what I'm trying to say is you'll never know until you try... I'm really going to try hard not to let this dent my trust.... Just put it down to a bad apple scenario and start again...

Can I ask you girls how long after a relaionship did you join and date? It's early days for me but there's a very tall solicitor asking me out. A coffee doesn't hurt does it?!

Stupidhead I started too early. Took me a few dates to realise that and I stopped for a while. Wasn't a bad breakup, I fell out of love but still needed time to regroup. No harm in a coffee at all. It's hard to know if you're ready until you try.

Stupidhead It was 7 months for me.

I'm on the look out for a very tall solicitor, so could I have him if you're not keen

Poffed I was thinking about your situation whilst I was driving earlier (not sure if it's healthy to be wondering about other people's dating haha but at least it keeps me from overthinking my own!!) is there any chance that the profile update was BEFORE you had these conversations over the past few days???

Hope all is ok x