The Dating Thread 64

[unBant]

Here we go again...

Roller I think you should go back to his, like u say everything is right between you to take a step forward. Gemini and I DTD last night and it felt natural and exciting not awkward at all.

Have fun

Ordinarybloke yes spreadsheet needed!! Plenty of dates, plenty of potentials.

I'm completely happy to go back to his, but the logistics of this will mean we'll have to end the 'out' part of the evening earlier as the last train will be earlier than I think we'll want to stay out (planning on going to a club with live music etc) So is a hotel practically more sensible? Or is it just a bit extravagant?

Personally I think a hotel (for either you or esp. both) feels extravagent for a second date, but I'm spoilt by living in a city maybe it's common place. You could suggest saving the club for a later date and just going for dinner or something? Then whether you go back to his is a purely non-practical decision.

Hmm yes maybe you're right. I'll have a think.

I've suggested Saturday day to meet geeky guy - think the silk jumpsuit is too much for a first date.
One thing I worry about is the whole sex thing. I've been with the same person since I was 21 and I'm early 30s now. Since we split up last year, there hasn't been anyone else. I can't do casual sex, I get emotionally attached and I have to completely trust someone. We'd be talking months before it'd be a possibility. Would men get fed up with this? Do they expect sex quite soon?

Excited now! He's confirmed, we're meeting at 3 on Saturday :-)

dontcallmehon- you just have to do what feels right to you, and hopefully if you meet someone special they will understand, and want you to be comfortable before going further. I wouldn't worry about it - just wait and see how you feel when you do meet someone.

Roller - a hotel can be nice, but on the other hand it might be more awkward if you changed your mind for some reason and you'd already booked it?

brokenhearted - I think it is sad that you are still so hung up on this guy that you saw. The thing is, he wasn't the person you hoped he was, for whatever reason, it didn't work out, so he was not the right man for you - are you mourning the person you hoped he was / the relationship you imagined you were going to have? I really think you need to let it go - try and distract yourself - either by lining up a few dates, I personally find that's the best way to forget someone! - or perhaps have a break for a while and concentrate on other good things in your life.

Plus in my experience yes, sometimes people do get in touch again after a while, but only in a casual way. If they cared about you in any meaningful way, why would they have ended it? And why would you hand around hoping someone might suddenly want you again? You're worth more than that.

Thanks splishsplosh - I suppose I'm thinking of this in the abstract, but when I meet someone nice, it'll work out. I think I just can't imagine it.

Brokenhearted, I agree with splishsplosh, you are better than that. While you're hoping he'll get in touch, you can't move forward and feel better.I had guy from the past resurface this week. The best bit was that I have no feelings for him whatsoever and I know if he did it once, he'll do it again. No man will have the opportunity to walk away from me twice.

Oh - and here's my dilemma. I met someone last week, and we were due to have a 2nd date on Monday. On Sunday I texted just to check still on before I booked a babysitter, and didn't get any reply. On Monday morning I went against my usual rules of just thinking oh well, and moving on - and texted "a thanks but no thanks would have been nice" - then he replied saying his dad had been rushed into hospital the day before and that's where he was, was sorry couldn't make it, hated letting anyone down, offered to pay for the babysitter if I'd already booked one.... anyway, I replied to say sorry to hear that, hope his dad would be ok.

So - I don't really know what to do next. Barely know him - do I just leave it entirely now to see if he gets back in touch at some point? Send a text about hoping his dad is recovering/feel free to chat any time?

I assume it's the truth - I don't want him to think I don't give a toss how he's feeling, but equally don't want to bother him if he's going through a difficult time and we don't really know one another. Help!

I'd be inclined to leave it a few days and then maybe send a short text asking how his dad is? He won't think you don't care if you don't text - he'll probably be so busy with family/stress at the moment, he'll realise you're giving him space.

Thanks - sounds like a good plan. Where are you meeting on Saturday?

He's asked if I fancy drinks or coffee. I think I need alcohol, otherwise I get too nervous!

I think a bit of alcohol can make it a bit more relaxed. I've had quite a few coffee dates, but sometimes I wonder if a drink would make them seemslightly less formal!

brokenhearted I last saw him in August. I like him at the start and he was really keen initially.

Then he went v distant and after date 3, would reply to texts but not initiate them. He then said he didn't think we were right for each other. Basically he was after sex and it wasn't happening.

Then a few weeks later he sees my new picI on pof and contacts me again. He wants to meet. I decline. He contacts me again - by which time I'm dating someone. He gets jealous and has little strop. He blocks me on POF.

Things go wrong with guy I'm dating, so I change my pics on pof. Lo and behold, idiot guy sees new pics and unblocks me on POF, wanting to see me again. When I fail to reply, he texts, twice. He wants us to meet up. He doesn't care about me. He likes the new pics because looks are all he's interested in. He also wants what he can't have. I am not interested.

I think they get excited about all the possible dates they could have. Then they realise that actually not that many women want them. They realise they had a good thing. By then it's too late.

ordinary I'm another who would love a spreadsheet. Started chatting to a guy last night only to have him remind me that we'd messaged a couple of months ago and I'd disappeared on him because he was a prat

don't about the sex thing. I have no intention of DTD with anyone until I've known them a few months and trust them. I don't give a toss what they want or what they expect. If they don't want to stick around it'll be their loss. Years ago I wouldn't have been able to do this. I'd have felt pressured and alcohol would have played a big part. Now I don't need to drink to feel comfortable and confident, so I rarely do. So only do what's feels right for you.

I had a coffee date today (date 2 of my 5 date week) with the Director - very, very nice guy and would make someone a lovely partner, but I didn't fancy him at all - such a shame, but will endeavour to keep him as a friend.

Well I have a date tommorrow evening with a woman who messaged me Monday afternoon-who I will call Dancing Woman. And tonight I have messages from three other women to reply to.

Dont on the DTD issue,you have to be true to yourself and your gut instinct-only do it when it feels right. But it is a good idea to be open about it with him.Then if he is not prepared to wait they you know that you are not for each other.

Hormonal - Great to see things are going well with Gemini, it's wonderful when our instincts are right.

I'm on my phone so scrolling back is a nightmare but someone mentioned up thread about people disappearing after the "I love you's" were said.

My pof guy and I certainly didn't get that far but our chat on Sunday was quite full on about how we feel and where we'd like to see it going.... strange thing is since Monday night his texting has been really sexual, not offensively so but it's definitely taken a turn... could this be a step backwards do you think? That he regrets opening up so much and is running scared? Our texts were never what you'd call romantic and there was certainly always a sexual undertone to a lot of them but these just seem different...
Could he be mistaking sexual innuendo for romance??

Dontcallme the sex thing is also bothering me - not so much the doing it but things like baring my flesh, and also contraception! My h had the snip and tbh I haven't actually had sex for a couple of years now even when we were together. I need condoms yes?

At what point do I mention this?? Way before, just before, or..when???

Stressed.

Poffed, Gemini n I had a similar flirty/naughty texting thing going on until we met for first time and now he doesn't seem to send as much naughty ones which was puzzling me too. As we have now DTD I'm wondering whether he will go back to it. Sorry can't be much help

Good luck Ordinarybloke, are you going dancing

I think your scenario sounds more normal and run of the mill than mine hormonal... I would have thought when things start to get a bit more serious the sexting etc eases off?
Having said that it's been a loooong time since I've progressed past the casual phase with somebody so really not sure...
When are you seeing Gemini again? Any plans made?