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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Dating Thread 64

1001 replies

unBant · 05/10/2013 15:11

Here we go again...

OP posts:
NutritiousAndDelicious · 20/10/2013 22:30

Can I join the thread please? I have never ever dated! Been in long term very serious and intense relationships since I was 16 with no real time being single in between.

My last relationship was v. V. Bad and ended on New Year's Eve. So I thought id give myself a year of being single!

But that's nearly up! Only 2 more months!

I'm so nervous, was thinking about signing up to lovestruck in the new year......has anyone tried it?

ladygoingGaga · 20/10/2013 23:07

powpow
If you don't feel like kissing him, you will be giving off that vibe, or if all else fails duck if he goes in for a snog Grin

dontcallmehon · 20/10/2013 23:15

Just got text from rich guy, but no meet up arrangements yet. Waiting 24 hours to text back. Solicitor wants date next week and normal bloke wants to take me out on Saturday. Cute guy on match has asked for a date - will reply tomorrow. A couple of other potentials are in background.

This week, dodgy bloke resurfaced. I dated him a while ago and we had a bit of a kiss/cuddle. Then he drifted away a bit, then sent penis pics, so I ignored him. He has seen me back on pof and wants to meet up for drink. I'm hoping he goes away.
Hello nutritious, welcome to the mad world of dating!

NutritiousAndDelicious · 20/10/2013 23:17

Thank you dontcallmehon it certainly sounds like it will be exciting! Grin

Hormonalhell · 21/10/2013 00:52

Hi nutritious it's a a bumpy ride with many twists and turns along the way!! Are you mad wanting to join us in the crazy ride that is online dating!!

I'll shut up now.....far too much wine for a Sunday evening Shock

moodyblue · 21/10/2013 15:58

Well I've done a couple of days on POF and finding it stressful already! How do you keep track of all the messaging?

I've got a date Friday night though. Watch this space. I'm terrified Grin

moodyblue · 21/10/2013 15:59

Powpow - how did it go? Did he try to kiss you?

dontcallmehon · 21/10/2013 16:08

Good luck with the date, Moody. I try to be ruthless and delete/block anyone I'm not immediately interested in. I message back hours later, sometimes a day later - I think it does men good to know we're not hanging on every word/immediately available. I never log on on Friday or Saturday night, even if I'm home alone and bored. Every day I check past messages to see if I've missed anyone good.

PaulineWhatsername · 21/10/2013 17:00

Roller I had a similar situation to yours 10 years ago when I separated from XH. Met a guy through OD - he gave me all the things XH didn't - time, attention, loads of sex and was a genuinely nice bloke. We rushed into a relationship, thought we were soul mates blah blah. After a couple of years when I'd built myself up I realised new DP wasn't actually right for me in all sorts of ways. But I'd invested heavily in him and it took me another 7 years to walk away from him. So I'm just saying take your time, don't jump in too fast or too heavily and don't discount other guys at the moment.

Moody You don't need to reply to all the messages you receive. If someone can't be bothered to write more than Hi Babe or some other such dross I don't respond, and if they are of no interest I don't get back to them. Use your time wisely and then it's manageable.

As for my 5 'dates in waiting'. I'm hoping to fit them all in, as it were, this week, starting with Mr Policeman tomorrow. I only do daytime coffee dates for the first date.

Have I missed Gaga's dessert report?

powpow80 · 21/10/2013 17:20

Yes he did. Totally caught me unawares. Had a bit to drink so my guard was down. Lovely guy and I had a great night with him, but I don't fancy him. Serious hangover today Confused

moodyblue · 21/10/2013 18:12

Thanks for the tips dontcallmehon and PaulineWhatsername I think I'm going to have to toughen up. Good idea about avoiding Friday and Saturday nights. Good luck with the five date week Pauline!

Hope the hangover isn't too bad powpow

dontcallmehon · 21/10/2013 23:50

I've been chatting to geeky cool guy on POF for a while now and he still hasn't asked for a date. Should I ask him? How?

RafaellaNhaKyria · 22/10/2013 01:50

Oh god. I've gone and texted my gorgeous flirty vendor and asked him point blank is he after a relationship or a booty call. The texting was starting to get out of hand last night. Never a picture but if we'd have been in the same room we would have been going for it.

Frankly I wouldn't mind shagging him senseless with no strings but I can't just not know what he's thinking on this. I've probably scared him off now. Fuck. Feel like boxing my own ears.

Bant · 22/10/2013 06:07

dont - he's either trying to get up the nerve to ask you, or he's just playing for attention, someone to chat to. Some people don't actually want to meet in person, they just want to chat, possibly get to the point of cybersex. Others are married and like to flirt but wouldn't go so far as meeting unless asked.

How long have you been chatting to geeky guy?

raf - I don't think you scare someone off who's after a relationship by asking if they're after a relationship. If he's not though, and you'd both be happy with FWB, then maybe, but it depends how you phrased it?

ordinarybloke · 22/10/2013 06:32

Dontcallmehon just something simple like we "I have really enjoyed our chats but now I would really like to meet you in real life.are you free......". If he dissappears or says he does not want to meet up yet or says he cannot make your suggested date(s),then you know he does wantbto meet-up in real life.

ordinarybloke · 22/10/2013 06:35

Sorry,posted too soon "he says he cannot make your suggested date(s)" should be "he says he cannot make your suggested date(s) without suggesting alternative date(s) himself".

ALittleStranger · 22/10/2013 07:53

I agree "hon" I'd just ask. "This has been nice but I don't want to be penpals" kind of thing. You lose nothing if he disappears. If you buy into the whole Rules-esque men should chase thing, then I'd point out that I think it actually makes you look too needy to be constantly replying to messages that aren't going anywhere. There's a lot said for saying, I'm busy, other peopel want to date me let's cut to the chase.

dontcallmehon · 22/10/2013 08:08

The rules actually state that if a man hasn't asked you out in 4 messages, you have to cut off contact. I think that's harsh..we've been chatting for a week, but I don't want it to carry on and relegate me to the friend zone. He's been asking me about weekend plans etc, so might be trying to ask me out...

ALittleStranger · 22/10/2013 08:22

There is no friend zone on OD There's only dating and a needy, attention-seeking zone. I know some people have made friends with dates, but I've never got this penpals thing. As Bant says, he eithers like the attention or is very socially inept. I just think it's a waste of time to carry on chatting and it would frustrate me if he didn't bite the bullet.

dontcallmehon · 22/10/2013 10:22

Ok, I've asked! Nervous now!

Yogagirl17 · 22/10/2013 11:17

Hello. Sorry, I always feel like I'm just jumping back in when I need some advice...but I need some advice. (Bant - male perspective would be very much welcome please)

Been seeing SnS for a little over 2 months now. We met on POF, hit it off really well, see each other once or twice a week, usually including an overnight at one of our places. We eat, we cook, we talk, we watch films, go for walks up big hills - it's all very, very nice. I like him a lot and I really enjoy his company. Whenever we spend time together I always have a good time and we always seem to have things to talk about. Sexual chemistry is also pretty good, although a few wee glitches but nothing I don't think we could resolve given a bit more time. (Actually, his attitude towards this issue is annoying me more than the thing itself if you know what I mean) We don't have a huge amount in common in terms of taste in music/telly etc but again, not exactly a deal breaker. DC know about him but haven't met him yet.

Here's my problem. I get the idea that he's falling in love with me. I think he's probably going to tell me he loves me very, very soon. He's kind of said it already - but in an offhand sort of way that didn't require a response on my part (like singing it while he was cooking or saying it in another language he didn't think I would understand). This thought pretty much fills me with panic because I know i don't feel the same way. I don't know if I will ever feel that way about him. I know that as much as I enjoy being with him, I enjoy being on my own almost as much. After a day or an evening with him I crave going home to my own bed, alone. And I definitely don't want to talk about Christmas or meeting his family (all things he's brought up already).

So what do I do? It's so tempting just to let things carry on until he forces the issue but I know that's not really very fair, is it?

RollerCola · 22/10/2013 11:48

Dontcallmehon - I can relate to this a bit as I was chatting for a good few weeks to this guy before meeting was mentioned. He brought it up first but didn't push it & said there was no pressure. After a bit I asked him for a drink & he bit my hand off. Turns out he didn't want to mess up by being too pushy. Has he replied yet?

Yoga - if you're worried I think you need to talk about it sooner rather than later. Don't let him get massively emotionally involved unless you think there's a chance you'll feel the same way. Tell him about your worries, if he's a good guy he'll take them on board & back off a bit.

dontcallmehon · 22/10/2013 12:53

He said 'would love to meet you for a drink, aren't I supposed to ask you out ;-) when are you free?'

Yogagirl17 · 22/10/2013 12:57

Yay dont :)

roller we had a chat a couple of weeks back where I told him that I really liked the way things were but couldn't promise him more for now. He said he was fine with that and hasn't put any actual pressure on me as such. It's more that I sense a change in his feelings and I'm worried he's going to get hurt.

Hormonalhell · 22/10/2013 13:26

Yoga I think if u not starting to feel the same then maybe u should end it. I've been in that situation and the longer it goes on the more they get hurt Hmm

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