The Dating Thread 64

[unBant]

Here we go again...

Morning all, it's so good to find others in this dating boat. It's so new to me I'm all of a fluster - a friend pointed out it's like being a teenager again, but I didn't even do this when I was a teenager! I met exh when I was 15 & have never been with anyone else since.

After a successful first date my guy has carried on texting non-stop . It seems clear that we both like each other a lot & have arranged a second date.

The things that are worrying me:
I'm jumping into this too fast. H & I only decided to separate in July, & he only actually moved out last month. I kind of thought I'd be enjoying time to myself for ages before dating, this has been completely unexpected.

I'm not actually divorced yet. Despite h having been shagging about for years apparently, why do I feel guilty for sneaking about?

Seeing as h has the dcs if I'm out, do I tell him I've met someone else or just say I'm out with friends? Not sure what his reaction would be.

The thought of sleeping with someone else, while v exciting, TERRIFIES ME Do I need to arrange condoms, do I need new pants, what if I've forgotten what to do....?

I can't believe how nervous I'm am about all this, but I can say for sure that I actually did not believe it was possible to feel THIS happy

Thanks hormonal. I agree that I need to date other people.

Joined POF last night and have had lots of messages, but have only replied to a couple. One asked if I wanted to go on a date - I said yes and he disappeared!

Hate this really. Would much rather meet someone in real life, through friends or work, but can see much chance of that.

I know deep down that I deserve someone who'll treat be better and give more.

Bloody hell where was I being wise!!

PaulineWhatsername - 5 date invites - wow that's good work!! Inspirational!! So who are you going to see?

Moody - you say you're not sure if you are fwb - well it sounds like you are. You emailed him saying you were open to be fwb and then you've just met up for sex since? Do you do anything else other than sex (ie go out in public)? Do you discuss other areas of your life? Do you let each other 'in' emotionally? No - then you are fwb. Which there is nothing wrong with and I don't think you're a mug or a twat. But if you want a full relationship, personally I would definitely keep on fishing, and just leave a fwb as what it is.

So, I received an unexpected text from Traveller yesterday, saying great to meet me and hope I had fun out with my friends last night. Aargh. Do I reply? I am 95% that this one is a No. He is not horrible but he is not my future husband, and I don't fancy him for it to be on anything ''useful'' ;-). And I'm a busy lady. I don't want to disappear on someone though.

Gaga - update!!!

Roller- remember to try not to get too invested this early. People from OD have a tendency to disappear, meet someone else, go back to an ex, or shag and run. This hurts all the more when you think you have a strong connection with them, and at the moment you're still in a vulnerable state.

Your ex doesn't need to know what you're doing.

And I'd say you're not 'seeing someone' until you're exclusive, have met his friends and he's met yours. At the moment he's just a bloke you fancy and like.

Just be careful you don't over invest, these threads are full of stories of people getting their hearts bruised -including mine (I'm better now though :) )

And I agree with everything oneday says.

Moody - it seems strange that the bloke would dump you for lack of chemistry but want to be FWB - afaik FWB is nothing but chemistry.. It sounds like you want more than that, so I'd step away if I were you.

Oneday - just send a polite response saying yes you had a nice time thanks. He'll either follow up with an invite for another date, when you can respond with 'thanks but I wasn't feeling a spark' or he'll leave it. At the moment he's fishing to see if you're enthusiastic in your reply as he probably liked you enough to want to see you again, but got the impression you weren't into him so doesn't want to be rejected on an outright request for a second date.. If you're polite but not over friendly he should get the message.

Thanks Bant, I know I'm getting too emotionally involved & I definitely need to reel myself back in. It's just a novelty for me that someone seems to like me so much!

Ok so for now he will just be 'a bloke I know' and I will attempt to get on with life without overthinking it all too much.

Anyone know how to block someone when on your mobile?

Oops, on Pof?

OneDay - I think you should prob let this one go. You said you didn't feel any connection at all the other night didn't you? Can you imagine it getting physical? (guessing not?)
I'd focus on the other dimples guy, sounds like you're much more 'into' him.

That's the weird thing oneday - we do go out in public and do talk about other areas of our lives. I think I let him in more emotionally than the other way round. Because he's said once that he can't see us working out long term then I suppose I am assuming he still just wants to be FWB.

Broken hearted he vanished for about three months then reappeared. I assume he couldn't find what he was looking for!

Thanks for all the replies. I know I should step away. I do like him though but know really that he's not treating me well.

Think I'm going to widen my sights and see what happens.

Feelinlucky yes if u go into message and use arrow in top right corner

Oh def letting this one go just didn't expect him to follow up, now I have to be the one to say no thanks!

OneDay at least you know you're doing the right thing rather than just not replying and leaving him to work things out for himself.

Roller you are not sneaking about, you are separated and have every right to look for someone new. Agree with Bant that it's none of your STBXH's business.

No follow up email from Scandinavian Guy thank goodness! I need to widen my net rather than relying on meeting totally random guys in RL. Was thinking of trying speed dating to quickly meet some new guys, has anyone done that?

I met my exW through speed dating. Obviously it worked, for several years at least...

Brokenhearted I left him. He texted me a couple of times just saying hello. I was ill though and diagnosed with MS. We're friends on fb so he found out about that when I posted something about not being able to drive. He texted to ask if I was ok. I thought he'd sprint in the opposite direction after that.

I joined POF last night and I'm lining up another date already. Had over 30 messages so far. It's a bit stressful - how do you all do it?!

I don't feel able to comment or offer advice on other posts at the minute as I'm making such a hash of it myself (and finding it hard to keep up with the pace of the thread) but I'll stick around if that's ok and try to follow and join in

angeletta no haven't been to his place yet. No reason to be suspicious just yet. The whole dropping him off at the park so I didn't get lost may have been a genuine excuse to not drop him at his door.

hormonal he text me this morning and I asked if we were still on for tonight. He said it depends on work and I said I would understand if he was tired (he's been doing 12 hour shifts with no day off for last week) so as of right now I don't think I'm seeing him tonight. In fact I know I'm not because if he does text me to say he's ok for tonight I'm going to tell him my plans have changed. Don't want to look too available! Anyway I digress. Despite me initially feeling all "fuck you then", he's given me alternative dates for meeting up next week when he's not working and also invited me to an event in a couple of weeks that he's got tickets for so I am giving him the benefit of the doubt for the time being. I really hope this is my twatdar being faulty and he proves me wrong! Incidentally I have downloaded an app that blocks my last seen status on whatsapp and also means I can't see anyone elses. It's stopped me being paranoid monitoring the situation

Argh getting drawn into a text conversation with the Traveller. Dislike.
And now have invitations for dates with Mr Charity AND Sailor guy too! Bloody hell. Not entirely sure when I can fit all this in haha. Definitely not replying to anyone else at the moment. Just been for lunch with a friend and we had a bit of a dissection of my dating so far and, yes, I definitely am very hopeful about Dimples.

Regarding all the relationship-status confusion, is-it-isn't-it-fwb, I think the main thing in any relationship - friend, lover, boyfriend - is communication and both parties knowing and respecting the boundaries and rules of that relationship - everyone should feel comfortable being able to have that conversation. But, not in a ''what is this?'' way (because then you're abdicating all control yourself), but more in a, you identify what it is that you want the relationship to be, and communicate that to your partner, way. In my personal experience, fwb relationships have only been successful when they really have just been that, if I've ever wanted more with someone, then a fwb relationship just ended up hurting me so was pointless.

Hey dating thread,

Well I was messaging a guy on Pof a while ago briefly, he went on holiday and we stop messaging.

I messaged him again recently and we exchange a few messages. I sent the last one and he didn't reply. Since then I have been online and saw that he was also online, but he still didn't reply to my message.

Today he sent me a message asking how I've been and saying he hasn't been online which I know is a lie.

I like the look of him but I'm not sure if I should reply or not as its rude that he hasn't replied for so long and now he's lying when there is really no need!

Still, I could do with one of those apps

Gemini been very attentive today n he's coming over to mine Tuesday for takeaway so looking good

Evening all
Been at work all day, which was a struggle on 4 hours sleep

So we had a lovely meal out, mr supermarket is a real gent, opens car doors for me and alike.
We came back to mine and had dessert, then a glass of wine on the sofa, felt very natural and comfortable, he is very easy to talk to.

One thing led to another and suddenly we had spent two hours in bed
It's been ages since I've DTD so was quite nervous, wasn't perfect, but you know what they say! we managed to have fun.

So we have planned on seeing each other again next weekend, and he has text me today saying how pleased he was to have met me.

Hormonal -just go in to settings-chat settings -advanced on what's app and turn off the time stamp

Roller trouble is I feel the need to know,god I sound like a stalker!

Loo update. Having a great time with funny guy. If he tried to kiss me not sure how I'd take it. Aaargh