The Dating Thread 64

[unBant]

Here we go again...

Yes that's my problem with the baby too Hamwidge

I say keep your options open. Then u don't bother so much when they don't text so much!

Good luck to everyone on a date tonight, seems to be a popular night. Don't forget the loo updates

I've just made a lush brownie for tomorrow night, going to finish it off tomorrow with a dusting of icing sugar and some raspberries and coulee.

Voice calls are awkward and weird and a bit unsettling. But I think it's probably a better idea to realise 'oh my god he talks like joe pasquale' when you can make an excuse and hang up rather than be stuck having a drink for another hour

They awkward to start with but I'm always glad to have them.....phone calls that is Bant

Ok so loo update. Traveller guy is not 'even better' than dimples. Meh meh meh.

Hi everyone. I used to lurk and occasionally post here last year before I embarked on a pointless "relationship" but that's another story...

I think I know the answer to what I'm about to ask but I would just like a second opinion and advice on how to proceed if you don't mind? I'll try to be brief...

Met a lovely guy on hideous POF. We were emailing/texting on and off for weeks before we finally met up about 3 weeks ago. We hit it off and the second date ended in the bedroom where we really hit it off . Bit sooner than ideal but we're all adults here! We text every day and he seems very keen. However, something is not sitting right with me and I need your opinions on whether to trust my gut or if I'm reading too much into stuff.

Firstly, I've noticed he's been on whatsapp into the wee small hours a few times. I dropped him home last Sunday morning after a night out and he insisted I drop him at the entrance to a park so he could take a short cut through and I wouldn't get lost on the housing estate (it was raining). The last two times he's been at mine he's spent an age in the bathroom after sex. The paranoid android in me is now thinking this was to text someone. Tonight he rang me (first time) as he was walking to his friend's house for a few beers to say hi and that he would text me tomorrow. It was as if he was hinting I shouldn't text him tonight. Surely if you liked someone that much you wouldn't give a shiny shit if they text you while you were at your "mates"?? The other day he sent me a text to the effect of he's not going to bother with anyone else as it would be a waste of time and they wouldn't compare (however this was after a particularly "fun" night and was probably his undercarriage talking...) but I'm now thinking he doth protest too much!

These things individually are no biggie but collectively...? I'm right to be wary aren't I? Supposed to be seeing him Sunday night. I know it's early days and I've been a champion of multi-dating in the past but we are already sleeping together and I'm not into sharing the love! Do I bother seeing him Sunday? How should I handle this? I reeeeeally like(d) him! Grrrr! (Incidentally he's made a point of telling me how his ex screwed him over so he's not into treating people like crap... don't know what to think )

Oneday is he nice enough to continue the night with though?

Not sure what to say apart from once us women DTD we invest much more into it than most men do I just cAnt give u any advice as I'm having similar problems myself i.e what's app thing til small hours

Aaaargh! The whatsapp thing! I hate it. How to make a sane person irrational...

oneday shame! at least you know now! make your excuses and get out of there

still. I have always trusted my gut feeling, not let me down yet, if your questioning his behaviour this early on then something is not right. Unless you just treat it for what it is, good fun.

lady you're right about the fun element. I could handle that if I thought he was only having fun with me. What you don't know doesn't hurt you in that situation but I think I do know and that's the problem

Hormonal: hmm not so much Gaga: excuses made, home now!! And including a tipsy phonecall to my mum on the way home (she likes to hear updates on all this 'exciting' dating!)

Nah, Traveller was a nice enough guy but I didn't fancy him from the start, and even tested him a bit as I didn't really mind the outcome (when I had the opportunity to order the last tapas of our selection, I went for sweetbreads....he couldn't cope once I explained what part of the sheep they were) I did my very best to put effort in, stay present and interested, and keep a nice face on but I think he may have got that I wasn't into it. Never mind, pleasant enough evening, and we split the bill so no guilt either. I shall not be waiting by the phone.

StillGetting: I agree with Gaga to an extent that if you're questioning behaviour then concern etc, but, from what you have written, I really don't see anything he's actually done wrong?? This is someone you've been on a few dates with and haven't committed to, or had any conversation with about each other's expectations from the relationship (as far as you've written?). Why is it any of your business whether he communicates with other people at any other time? (that didn't mean to sound rude to you). Or how long he takes to wash his willy after sex. If someone said to me let's text tomorrow, I'd hear ''let's text tomorow'', not ''don't text me tonight''. It does sound a little like you may be reading between lines that aren't there. At the end of the day - and no offence to the male daters here - but men tend to be fairly simple and straightforward creatures, I generally take them at face value unless proven otherwise. I didn't mean any of that to sound rude to you - pls bear in mind I've had a rubbish date and a few glasses of vino this evening - but you do make it sound like you may need to relax a little, or just talk to him about your concerns. Don't overthink, remember the rules (if it's not fun - stop). Hope you find a way to be happy with the situation.

2nd date with Dimples set for next Saturday. Damn busy schedules. I fear the elongated timespan may be the downfall of this one.

still you're not paranoid. I was going to write a longer post but I'll just say this.

I think he's a player. And I think you can find a better way to spend Sunday evening.

Quick update, first date was great was v nervous at first but soon calmed down & had a brilliant eve. Onward & upward..

Sorry to hear Mr Traveller wasn't up to much OneDay, hope you're ok this morning. At least you had a nice meal - can't believe he got a bit weirdy about the sweetbreads

Never mind, the other chap does sound keen. It's just difficult fitting it all in around 'life' isn't it?

My date went really well, & he's really keen to meet again but already I'm struggling with times. My dcs stay at their dads 1 night a week so everything's limited at the moment, and I've already got loads of other nights out planned with friends so I know I'm going to have to wait to see him again.

I haven't laughed so much in ages & came away from the night feeling like I was walking on air, so this is GOOD yes? It's all so new to me, I felt like I was about 12 while desperately trying to remain a sophisticated 39 yr old...

It's just so nice to feel happy again, makes me realise how long I haven't been.

RollerCola great to hear you had a good evening!! Happy is good.

Yeah was v disappointing that he was weirdy about sweetbreads, especially as I'd ordered them after he had been boasting he enjoyed eating locusts. AND they were super tasty, glad I tried them. He missed out :-)

Chatting with 2 others online.....Mr Charity and Sailor guy. Sailor guy wants to speak on the phone, I think (he has sent, ''would you like to chat'' and I thought, hmm, I'm confused as to what we've been doing so far....) which I'm not happy with so will have to think of a way to word that nicely.

Thanks oneday it's good to get another perspective. Don't get me wrong, I'm fully aware that we have no commitment to each other at this stage. I would just rather be in the dark about any potential competition! Another thing was he sent me a pic of an item of clothing he said "I know you said you wanted to see"... I never had any such conversation with him. I reckon he confused me with someone else! hormonal is right... DTD was done a bit too soon. Lesson learned.

Still, that does sound a bit weird, I'd def be wary that he's seeing another/others sadly. If you think you'll struggle with that (who wouldn't) maybe you should think about moving on? Easier said than done though.

OneDay - I also feel funny about talking on the phone before meeting. I know in the 'olden days' texting & even mobile phoning weren't even an option (I'm showing my age now!) but somehow texting feels much safer. I've been texting my guy for 4 weeks before I met him. It did feel weird actually talking to & seeing him irl but I felt like I already 'knew' him quite well which helped.

still, it's been three weeks. Generally I do not think you could assume exclusivity at this stage, although it's obviously nice if you both decide that's what you're after.

The problem for me would be that he's said/implied your exclusive. That was unnecessary and as he's done it I think he needs to hold himself to it. I'd just raise it in conversation. "Your text got me thinking, etc".

Whatsapp could be friends. You have no idea what he's doing in the bathroom (do men ever like a big poo after sex?) and it's not good for you to be doing this much policing and seconding guessing. You need to work out if it's him or you. Is he actually doing something to get your spidery senses tingling or do you have poor boundaries/trust issues from a previous relationship?

But of course you're right to be wary, it's three weeks. I think you see him Sunday but as above you use his text to start a conversation as this is clearly bothering you and I think you're going to feel unhappy if you string it out.

btw I put no truck into people saying they don't treat people like crap. There not likely to say the opposite are they! And I also raise a small red flag for people unloading baggage so early, but that may just be me because I'd never bore on about an ex on a date.

In my mind the only "problem" with sleeping with someone immediately is that you're still working out what you think of each and are both completely entitled to walk away. And that just stings a bit more after you've DTD.

Thanks alittle you talk a lot of sense. I knew I could rely on you ladies to put things in perspective. I've never (to my knowledge) been cheated on and I'm not a jealous person. This is just my spidey sense I guess and I realise some of this sounds like I'm reading too much into things. I'm not so attached at the moment that I couldn't walk away without without a massive emotional melt down. I think my problem is that I am overly fearful of rejection due to underlying confidence ishoos (horrid EA STBXH) and so I tend to remove myself from the firing line at the first sniff of trouble. I will chill the feck out, see him on sunday and initiate some sort of conversation I think.

Can I join with a vent. Feeling very sorry for myself and starting to think/behave in a way that I don't like. Was messaging a guy on OKC last week, got on well, and he asked me to go for dinner midweek. Met up and got on great. Had a really fab time and arranged to meet up tonight for dinner and drinks again. Exchanged a couple of texts midweek. I text him at 6:00pm last night to check everything was still ok No reply. I could really know with knowing what's going on so text him again at 10:00am this morning, still no reply. He's been online on the dating website, so he's not ill or in hospital clutches straws. I'm not turning into a psycho am I? He seemed so into me and now this silence is just weird. So annoyed. Feel like I'm going to be single forever. What is wrong with me. Why do they always do this disappearing act.

Oneday what an amazingly wise post!! I've took your advice too and feel much better for it

I love this thread, it's great hearing other people's views, experiences and ways of looking at things.

Thanks everyone

Still, mr Gemini has done that to me too!! Do u think they do it in purpose? Play mind games?

Misssss that just is not on! I really hope for your sake that he has legitimate excuse for treating you so badly but it's not looking good really

Unfortunately there are a lot of tossers about

Misss- had you arranged a specific time for the second date?

One problem with OD is that people can multi date, see several people at the same time and he could have fallen victim to the sweet-shop issue. So many profiles. Or he could have been found out by his wife, or he could be scoring points on how many second dates he gets (anyone can get a first date..) as some weird ego thing. Or he might not be a prolific texter.

The point is, it doesn't seem like you've done anything wrong here, this is his issue. He may very well possibly die alone. You'll meet someone *three weeks from now who is wonderful.

*Probably.