Bloody H looking at porn on pc

[wotafarce]

Am so mad; he knows I don't approve. I know he uses it, he has done for years but he always makes sure the history is deleted.

Just found some that he's looked at today and it was she-male stuff FFS amongst 'normal' porn. Usually it's 'asian babes'.
Wtf is that all about?

He's very techy and there's nothing in the folders on the pc (that I can see). Nothing on the history or temp internet files either, yet this stuff is on the recently changed files of both his & MY profile (which is how I found it when looking for one of my docs).

I feel like printing the stuff and posting it to everyone who thinks he's a nice chap. Fatheaded Twat that he his.

[ImperialBlether]

Look, OP, he is financially abusive. He doesn't want to sleep with you. He's lazy. There are jobs around the house which are years old that he hasn't done. You want him to be unhappy; you don't want him to be happy.

You have FAR bigger problems than his use of porn.

[wotafarce]

Imperial - he DOES want to sleep with me!!!

It's me who doesn't want it twice a day, or even every bloody day! So he says he isn't getting enough! He's nearly 50, FFS! If he bloody got off his arse annd did his jobs and pilled his weight, he wouldn't have the energy or time for it.

cjel - can't help myself, it's like I have to win this 'war'.

vege - very occasionally it's 'fine'.

[cjel]

A relationship shouldn't be a war - you are aware of that aren't you? you will literally drive yourself mad trying to live like this!!! And what for? - what is you goal in trying to win?

[ImperialBlether]

OK well, that's a bit different. I didn't understand that before.

Are you going to bed in a bad mood because he isn't doing the jobs? If he did one of the jobs, would you feel more inclined to have sex with him - not as a 'reward' but simply because you would like him more?

I have to say being rejected sexually is really, really shit. It's the most horrible feeling.

[ImperialBlether]

Can you tell us how many times you agree to sex compared to how many times you reject it?

[cjel]

imperial - why is this relevant?

[ImperialBlether]

What, the how many times business?

I wanted the OP to look at the issue of sexual rejection.

[cjel]

if you are at the pitch she is at with dh its surely more than sexual rejection? she hates him in every part of life?!!

[ChoudeBruxelles]

How much do you think he watches porn? I don't see the link between watching porn and not doing jobs around the house unless he's doing for hours and hourson end

[wotafarce]

Well, generally he's very lazy and so DIY jobs are left for years (and I mean years). This obviously makes me full of resentment & that coupled with a libido that's gone AWOL & erratic periods means we rarely have sex.
He won't come to bed unless we're having sex, stays up (surfing porn) until 2am, even on work days. He can't get out of bed at w/e (tired) which doesn't make for a good relationship.

I object to being viewed as his 'plaything' and him substituting that for porn when he doesn't get his own way.
He's like a sulky teenager.

[wotafarce]

Actually Imperial, he doesn't instigate sex now. Ever.

[ImperialBlether]

Why the hell are you still with him? He clearly makes you really, really angry and unhappy. If your children are studying A levels they haven't got a 'few years' until university. Think what that would be like anyway, if they left home and you two separated? Whose house would they go back to for weekends? Don't you think it would ruin their first year away? If they are old enough to travel from one house to the other, why don't you live separately and each of you have bedrooms for the children, so that they can go back and forth? It's no fun being seen as the disciplinarian and you might find their attitude towards you changes if you are away from your husband and happier.

[Vivacia]

This comment from Ruby earlier hit the nail on the head,

You clearly despise your husband, and want him to be unhappy more than you want to be happy.

[wotafarce]

The DC will go in 2 yrs, all being well with grades etc. Not long; I will prob move 'home' (other end of country) which will entail job change. So not really do-able atm.

[wotafarce]

Yes Vivacia - not sure what that says about me - barking, I imagine.

[Vivacia]

I don't think any of us can say it means anything other than you're choosing to live unhappily.

Perhaps you get a kick out of that? But that's just a guess.

[cjel]

vivaci, I was wondering why she gets so much joy out of making this man so miserable - sounds cruel to me. Why would he want to come home and do 'chores' when shes a miserable woman? there is no home to build here is there? Hope she doesn't get a shock one day when he decides enough is enough and leaves - her plan for moving in a couple of years wouldn't be 'do able' then .

[wotafarce]

cjel - I don't get 'joy' but I can't understand why it all has to be on his terms, ie he can be as lazy as he likes, yet I'm supposed to be all willing to have sex when he wants it?

[sweetiepie1979]

Is there anything you like about him OP? It sounds like he is as unhappy as you. The jobs round the house, could you not get a handy man in to do a list of things for you every so often get husband to pay? The jobs are probably a constant reminder and build resentment. The fact that he dosent instigate sex anymore suggeststhat he is feeling rrejected and probably lonely. I'm sure he would rather be having sex and sharing fantasies with you and if he is going through a sex drive surge at the moment hes got to deal with it somehow. He's only 50 And life is short. There must be something you like about him? If not leave him help him leave you so your both not wasting anymore if your precious lives together. Your a hottie you say so you could be with someone your attracted too and have a friendship with and he sounds like he needs his own space and a chance to be in control.

[wotafarce]

I seriously doubt he'd leave - he's too damn lazy! And, if he did then I'd stay put until DC had gone.

[sweetiepie1979]

Can I also say OP, that though I feel for you because your angry I also am picking up rightly or wrongly that your not very nice to this man and I feel really sorry for him. (hides)

[wotafarce]

sweetie - don't hide! You're entitled to your opinion, I'm not nice I suppose, but 20yrs of living with someone like that will make a person 'not nice' I guess.

[Vegehamwidge]

Isn't it time to break up?

[AnyFucker]

What a grim way to live, OP. I cannot understand why you want to keep this farce going. Do you think your kids don't notice how much you hate your husband, and vice versa?

[wotafarce]

The DC probably do realise but I'm not moving now just to move again in 2yrs time.

There's no angry shouting, just 2 people who don't care for each other living in the same house. We're quite a busy household, so not much opportunity to do 'family' stuff really. I do the majority of stuff with the DC.