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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Abusive OH hassling me. I'm at my mums. Shall/can I report?

107 replies

WhatAPallava · 28/09/2013 22:59

Ridiculous abusive relationship with OH I can't take anymore culminated in a massive argument this evening in public and with my friends.

I am at my mums but he won't stop ringing and texting and threatening.

I am kind of scared, I don't know what to do.

I don't need to call 999 but should I report it to 101?

He is crazy and I don't trust him he will never let me leave him but this is it now

OP posts:
Original poster
WhatAPallava · 28/09/2013 23:00

He is threatening to come here if I don't go home now.

OP posts:
HeySoulSister · 28/09/2013 23:01

Switch your phone off??

Seems the logical thing to do and is what WA advised me to do when I experienced similar

NotALondoner · 28/09/2013 23:03

Ring the police so they know if you call 999 from the house it's an urgent call.

Delilahlilah · 28/09/2013 23:03

Report any threats to 101. Be strong, and stay safe. Don't go back, you've taken the biggest step.

Original poster
WhatAPallava · 28/09/2013 23:07

We have a 19 month old she is with me asleep.

He's saying I am making it worse by not going home, I will make him do this or that.

Threatening that he will go to prison for me. Physically threatening all my friends earlier for trying to protect me.

He questions me for washing my hair. I cannot live like this anymore.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhatAPallava · 28/09/2013 23:09

Now he is, as always, doing the he has no one else but us. He will never let me leave him he will hang himself at home first so I find him.

OP posts:
NotALondoner · 28/09/2013 23:10

If he's threatening to come to the house and be violent call 999.

HeySoulSister · 28/09/2013 23:10

Ah yes. The old suicide threats. Yes,sadly this is a script they follow

Don't feed it! Ignore

Has he had alcohol?

NotALondoner · 28/09/2013 23:10

His mental health status is not your responsibility.

aturtlenamedmack · 28/09/2013 23:13

First of all, well done me for getting away and to your Mums.
Stay there, do not go home. Do not let him threaten or emotionally blackmail you into it.
Switch off your phone and do not engage with him. Try to distract yourself this evening.
Ring 101 and report the threats. If he turns up then 999.
Good luck op, you've been really brave. Stay strong and chin up.

Original poster
WhatAPallava · 28/09/2013 23:13

No alcohol, just deluded.

My life is totally restricted by him. If I go for a cup of tea to a friends it is a big deal.

I'm not answering his calls, his texts are swinging between please I have no one else except you two to ok play with me see what happens etc....

OP posts:
pictish · 28/09/2013 23:15

Phone 101, and please - he will not kill himself. It's a manipulative trick to make you crumble.
Do not crumble. Come on now.
Ring 101 for advice. Then Women's Aid - they will advise and help you.

Good luck I am rooting for you. Stay safe away from this appalling creature.

Original poster
WhatAPallava · 28/09/2013 23:15

I NEVER go out or do anything since I've been with him (3 years). Tonight I was meant to go out for a friend's bday, so I am "putting my friends before my family"

OP posts:
CoffeeTea103 · 28/09/2013 23:15

Off course call the police!

Original poster
WhatAPallava · 28/09/2013 23:15

I think he is actually obsessed with me

OP posts:
pictish · 28/09/2013 23:17

Sounds awful Stifling, pressured and intimidating.
That's not how it's supposed to be at all.

pictish · 28/09/2013 23:18

Threatening to come over to your mother's house is scary. That would be 999.

Ziggyzoom · 28/09/2013 23:19

Absolutely call the police. 101 is appropriate, unless he turns up, in which case 999. The police will take his threats seriously, trust me.

Original poster
WhatAPallava · 28/09/2013 23:19

I read a little bit about narcissists on here and read about it online recently, he ticks every single box.

He starts arguments with me if I don't offer him tea enough times in the day.

The list is endless what I could say about him

OP posts:
Ehhn · 28/09/2013 23:20

Do not go back under any any circumstance. Violence often increases when the person at whom it is directed starts to show signs of independence/leaving.

Well done for escaping and absolutely call the police.

HeySoulSister · 28/09/2013 23:21

You've left him now, it's a new start. Start using the past tense to describe your old life with him

Original poster
WhatAPallava · 28/09/2013 23:21

He hit me before. I called the police. It went to court but I didn't go so he only got criminal damage.

Please don't judge me for not going. The first thing he did when the police released him was come straight to me. He is so manipulating.

OP posts:
aturtlenamedmack · 28/09/2013 23:22

Exactly as pictish says, that isn't how a relationship should be.
Stay brave, don't engage with him. Stop reading his texts, stop listening to him.
Don't give him the control that he's trying to keep over you with this behaviour.

pictish · 28/09/2013 23:23

You need not ever go back.
If there's no other option WA, will find you refuge.

Do you own/rent? Whose name is the mortgage/lease in?

Original poster
WhatAPallava · 28/09/2013 23:26

Council property only my name is on the tenancy.

His last text, "play, play. Good"

Going to phone 101 now to at least get it on record.

OP posts:
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