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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He's finally gone (for those that remember my threads)

114 replies

VitoCorleone · 28/09/2013 09:20

After months of shit he's finally gone.

Some of you may remember my past threads where he would get drunk and say really nasty, hateful things to me and have me in tears most weekends.

He then promised to stop drinking in the house couldnt give it up full stop eh but stopped drinking in the house and things where ok.

Last weekend he came home with a crate of fosters and sat and drank one after the other, i was too scared to say anything about the promise he'd made so ended up just goin to bed early.

Yesterday he text me from work asking me to get him cans of fosters. I point blank refused, reminded him of his promise to me, told him i WILL NOT be spending my weekends on edge worrying wether im going to be on the recieving end of his shit. He didnt speak to me when he got in from work, not one word all night.

This morning he got up and declared he was going to the other side of the country to see his mate. Yep how great it must be to be able to get up and fuck off out like that with no consideration for your partner and kids eh?

Then he started going on about "when its my birthday im April (!) i want to be having a drink to celebrate"

It dawned on me, alcohol is more important to him than i am. Always has been, always will be. He said "you know what, i havent even got anything to say to you" as he was heading to the door. I said "your a cunt when you drink but you know what? Your a cunt when you dont fucking drink aswell"

Ive told him not to come back tomorrow. Just fucking off this morning like a single man not even discussing it with me, well thats done it for me.

Phones getting switched off, me and kids going out fpr the day, he can jog the fuck on and not come back

People are supppsed to look forward to holidays and weekends, not me, i fucking dread them. Not any fucking more.

OP posts:
TheOpposibleThumb · 28/09/2013 09:22

Change the locks, he will probably be back.

AndThatsWhatIThinkOfYou · 28/09/2013 09:22

good lass for finally standing up to him Thanks

GirlWithTheLionHeart · 28/09/2013 09:23

Is it really over, op?

I hope so,

I grew up around a man like your H and it was horrible, I suffered (still do) anxiety, panic attacks due to the tension and screaming fights.

Original poster
VitoCorleone · 28/09/2013 09:31

Me too Girl, my stepdad was an abusive alcoholic (but is sober now)

Actually looking forward to a quiet drama free saturday night and actually couldnt give a FUCK where he is or what he's doing.

Dont think i can change the locks, its a council house (and its in my name)

OP posts:
TheCrumpetQueen · 28/09/2013 09:33

If its in your name you can change the locks.

My stepdad was the same.

Good for you, op. stay strong

Lweji · 28/09/2013 09:38

So, what if you lose the keys?

Lweji · 28/09/2013 09:39

And yay for realising he's the same person when not drinking.

DontmindifIdo · 28/09/2013 09:39

Change the locks, you can call the council on Monday and say you lost your keys so had too. Does he have family near by? If so, pack up his stuff and drop it over to them saying you've split up. Text him to say where his stuff is and you mean it about not coming back.

Original poster
VitoCorleone · 28/09/2013 09:42

Well i think id have to pay wouldnt i? When i accidently locked myself out once they where going to charge me about £200 to get me back in (thankfully one of the neighbours managed to break in and then repair the damage for me)

Anyway, i dont think i need to tbh

OP posts:
Original poster
VitoCorleone · 28/09/2013 09:42

Well i think id have to pay wouldnt i? When i accidently locked myself out once they where going to charge me about £200 to get me back in (thankfully one of the neighbours managed to break in and then repair the damage for me)

Anyway, i dont think i need to tbh

OP posts:
Fluffycloudland77 · 28/09/2013 09:45

You can change locks really cheaply, just buy a new one from a hardware DIY place.

There will be tutorials on how to do it on youtube or a member of staff could give you a run down on how to do it.

There's no need to pay lots of money for it.

DontmindifIdo · 28/09/2013 09:46

OK, but pack up his stuff and relocate it to his family if you can. That way he doesn't have a reason to turn up at yours tomorrow after he's slept off his hangover. Make it clear you mean it. You're going to be having an argument with him tomorrow afternoon when eh comes back expecting you to have calmed down, or that he can talk you round or whatever else to make his life nice before going to work on Monday and everything being back to normal.

Can you deadlock the door at least so he can't get in tomorrow afternoon? Do you have a bolt you can put across?

kotinka · 28/09/2013 09:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheOrcHeadKeeper · 28/09/2013 09:47

Well done! Thanks

What kind of man with a family just fucks off for the day. Seriously. You are well shot and you know it.

Congrats on the start of a much better chapter in your life!

DontmindifIdo · 28/09/2013 09:47

Yes, and the bulk of hte £200 would be the cost of the labour of someone coming out at short notice, the locks themselves are relatively cheap. Any family who might be able to help you change it? (if you don't have to break in first, it's fairly straight forward to change a lock)

Meerka · 28/09/2013 09:47

He's likely to get angry when he realises he can't get in. I think that changing the locks is a good idea. And don'tmindifIDo above has good advice.

waltermittymissus · 28/09/2013 09:52

Change the locks.

Don't tell the Council. If it comes up, you lost your keys and had to do something ASAP as you're alone with children.

Pack up his stuff today and leave it with someone else.

Don't give him a reason to come back until you're 100% sure in yourself that you won't take him back.

Enjoy your night of not worrying and finally:

WELL DONE for becoming alcoholic free!!! Flowers

YouKnowOfTheCrunch · 28/09/2013 10:01

Well done, Vito :)

Welcome to a new world; one where you don't have to dread what might happen at the weekend, one where you don't have to wonder which particular can of fosters will be the one that starts the outburst (let's face it, it was never the fosters at all, it was him), one where you and your dcs can be yourselves and relax because you aren't walking on eggshells. It really is a great place.

I swear I actually started walking taller the second the millstone was gone.

Thanks for you for being so strong.

AmberLeaf · 28/09/2013 10:06

Dont think i can change the locks, its a council house (and its in my name

You absolutely can change the locks as the tenancy is yours and not his.

The council don't need to know if you change your locks as they don't keep a key anyway.

You can buy a lock barrel and do it yourself, tutorials on youtube or is there anyone whos done it before that can help?

VodkaJelly · 28/09/2013 12:37

I live in HA, the first thing I do when I move to a new house is change the lock (and doors). The HA never keep a copy of the keys and rely on you giving your keys to them when you leave.

Change the lock!

Wildmeanfairlyhipkid · 28/09/2013 13:08

Loved the line " your a c....... Etc" . You're a funny lady.

Original poster
VitoCorleone · 28/09/2013 13:08

Well i cant do anything til tuesday anyway as i have no money til then, besides i can lock the front door from the inside and use the back door, he doesnt have a back door key.

Switched my phone on and he'd text asking me to make my mind up coz allegedly he has taken £500 out of his savings and can go and get himself a flat tomorrow i replied "Fuck. You" and swiched phone back off

OP posts:
Xales · 28/09/2013 13:12

meh it's Sunday tomorrow.

Chances of him finding a place, getting credit checked and moving in on £500 (where do you live roughly) are bull shit.

He is trying to get you to back down by threatening to go.

AmberLeaf · 28/09/2013 13:14

Agree with Xales.

Original poster
VitoCorleone · 28/09/2013 13:17

I live in the north west, he could probably get a flat for that round here, but like you said, its sunday tomorrow so good luck with that one pal!

Makes me laugh you know, it was only a week ago he was hungover for the first time in weeks and telling me he wasnt even interested in drink anymore and now he's suddenly gagging for it and going on about his birthday in April, yes fucking april next year. What a dick

(please excuse my language, i swear a lot, even in real life)

OP posts:
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