Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

ExH got engaged to OW yesterday

135 replies

EllenJanesthickerknickers · 26/09/2013 22:45

And I'm not sure how I feel about it. We separated 2 years ago after 22 year together, 16 of them married and have 3 boys, when I found out about the affair. The boys are with him this weekend, so I'm on my own at home.

I feel a bit numb. I think I'm going to be upset when it sinks in, but it's obviously just the latest in a long list of hurts and betrayals. I wonder how I'll feel when they get married. It'll be her 4th marriage, his second. I guess my boys will be invited.

I've not got into dating, myself. Still don't feel ready, which is a shame as I guess that would have cushioned the blow a bit.

Not sure why I'm posting, really. Just wanted to share with those who'd understand. This board was a great source of support and help two years ago, but I don't really come here very often. Blush

OP posts:
ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 27/09/2013 23:36

'I'd heard. She does like a wedding doesn't she :) Anyway, looking forward to it - do you have a date I can put in my diary yet?'

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 27/09/2013 23:38

'Yes, I'd heard. Would you like a copy of your vows or will you use different ones this time'

Original poster
EllenJanesthickerknickers · 27/09/2013 23:42

Ha, I've never met her, just seen photos. Chipping, you are a constant source of joy, thanks, m'dear. Smile

OP posts:
mouldyironingboard · 27/09/2013 23:44

Just send 'thanks for the info' in reply. That way it sounds like you're not bothered but just politely acknowledging him marrying his horsezilla.

In the meantime we can speculate what colour horse blanket she will wear on the big day and whether the wedding feast will include carrots for her to crunch her big teeth on!

cjel · 27/09/2013 23:46

thanks for letting me know,, can you let me know date asap so i can make sure dcs are free?

Original poster
EllenJanesthickerknickers · 27/09/2013 23:48

I'm leaning towards 'Thanks for the info.' Except I"d rather not use 'thanks.' Hmm. Message received and understood!

OP posts:
34DD · 27/09/2013 23:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
EllenJanesthickerknickers · 27/09/2013 23:58

Well, I guess them marrying each other only counts as one marriage? Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
EllenJanesthickerknickers · 27/09/2013 23:59

Yeah, I'm going for 'Thanks for the info.' Cheers everyone.

OP posts:
LilyBossom · 28/09/2013 00:01

I would say 'gosh she does like wedding cake an awful lot doesn't she' - but I think thanks for the info is far more dignified.

stiffstink · 28/09/2013 00:01

Thank you for your email, the contents of which are noted.

Or...

"Delivery Receipt: Your message was delivered to the server. Your message was deleted without being read"

34DD · 28/09/2013 00:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
EllenJanesthickerknickers · 28/09/2013 00:04

Tempting, but does fall down on the unbothered and dignified criteria!

OP posts:
34DD · 28/09/2013 00:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Xollob · 28/09/2013 00:12

Sad[hugs] This bit rang a bell: 'It'll be her 4th marriage, his second'. We were obligated to go to a wedding like this recently. They said no presents (their house must be pretty packed with wedding presents by now) so DH went to buy a really nice bottle of wine just as something to take to the reception bit we were invited to. They offered him something that would be 'fantastic in 10 years' time' and he turned it down for a wine less likely to outlast their marriage.

Sorry you are hurting. I loved this from Hissy 'You have hope in your life, they only have probability' . So true - you have more chance of finding lasting happiness than they do x

ZingWantsCake · 28/09/2013 00:28

my suggestion for a reply:

"really? wow! don't bother unpacking..."

Xollob · 28/09/2013 00:38

I like 'thanks for the info'.

Bogeyface · 28/09/2013 03:10

I would reply with
"Oh! Four weddings and a...

oh.

Congratulations"

comingintomyown · 28/09/2013 06:04

My email this week was entitled "News"

I thought of various replies.

What I did was to send a longish email about various DC stuff, I often save emailing until I have a few things, throwing in a couple of small nice things I have done for him eg buying extra set of school photos for him. All exactly as normal.

I didnt make any reference to his news, why would I ?

theunashamedow · 28/09/2013 08:30

Be dignified and send "congratulations. I wish you every happiness". Your boys will appreciate it.
And try to mean it as it might help you let go of the past.
Alternative is to be bitter and bitchy forever. Some of the "humour"on here is worthy of teen girls, not mature middle aged women, and its just nasty, pathetic and sad. Is that what you want to be?
Make an proper effort to let go, move on and make a decent happy new life for yourself. He's obviously done it. Do it too.

changeforthebetter · 28/09/2013 09:08

Wow! That sounds like a recipe for success not! Wink

It also sounds as if one or t'other will get the wandering eye zoom enough!

IKWYM about dating. I don't have the time or energy for online dating either.

nkf · 28/09/2013 09:11

My ex remarried and is about to have a baby. My advice would be up plan something for the weekend if the wedding. I found the reality easier than the expectation.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 28/09/2013 09:36

Bogeyface Grin Brilliant, Love it!!

theunashamedow Your name has not escaped my attention. You might try finding a sense of humour instead of other peoples husbands and really - pretty crass of you to post on a thread like this, with a name like that.

Trigglesx · 28/09/2013 09:47

theunashamedow Your name has not escaped my attention. You might try finding a sense of humour instead of other peoples husbands and really - pretty crass of you to post on a thread like this, with a name like that.

That one has a history of posting similar nonsense. For example, on another thread in Relationships where the wife was upset over husband leaving:

My dp left his wife for me. Let me tell why we were and are very happy and comfortable with what we did.
Firstly, his wife was a nasty spiteful old bag for years (I knew them personally and I saw it many times) and the marriage was a failure; no love, no affection, No sex; no effort from her just nasty money grabbing, nagging, meanness; she was a bitch that got what was coming to her
Secondly, he's a great guy and why should I be alone? Just like all the smugs on here I like having a partner. Being a single mum is lonely grind and its great to have such a lovely man for me and stepdad for my son. And in that sitiation its like taking the candy from a baby; so I did. Selfish? Sure but his exw was worse.
As for his kids, what a dreadful family anyway. Yesterday dss told me how much happier he is.
So that makes me, dp, ds and dss all much happier and exw left the proverbial scorned woman. So when it somes to happiness its a net gain.
That's the harsh truth. If you don't wnat to be left and turn into one of the bitter dumped women on here, take care of your dh and your marriage or else an ow will.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 28/09/2013 10:07

Trigg - nothing like creating a vacancy is there Grin