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Original poster

"Stupid Shit Cheaters Say"

132 replies

Bogeyface · 17/09/2013 19:16

Inspired by reading this on Chumplady.....

Hows this…. “I never thought you trusted me, so I had an affair to prove you never trusted me. See! I was right!” This is the explanation I got.

Yup, there’s something about cheating that seems to bring on sudden mental retardation. How can someone even SAY that with a straight face?

My personal favourite from my cheater was “I am not in a place where I feel comfortable talking about this yet. You need to wait until I am ready, this has been so traumatic.” I posted it on CL, and I am still to this day amazed that he ever had the gall to say it.

OP posts:
perfectstorm · 19/09/2013 00:40

"In some ways it's even worse for me. I have to watch you in so much pain knowing it's my fault. You have no idea how hard that is."

perfectstorm · 19/09/2013 00:40

(You need to say it with wide-eyed, earnest sincerity. For fullest effect.)

Original poster
Bogeyface · 19/09/2013 00:45

Perfect

Well dont be such a bitch! Obviously he was hurting far more than you and you should have been much more understanding. Frankly, its no wonder he cheated!

Whats that phrase about life being stranger than fiction? You really couldnt make this shit up!

OP posts:
Footballaddict · 19/09/2013 07:08

Just catching up with this thread made me remember another line ex came out with to explain why meeting up with OW and having sex with her at her office during afternoons he was also supposed to be at work shouldn't actually upset me that much, because

"the only way that I could actually manage to have sex with her was by taking Viagra".

....really had to force himself, poor love (several times a week, for several weeks, must have been hell for him Wink

McBuckers · 19/09/2013 09:40

I almost forgot the gem my STBXH came out with the first time he shagged with someone else:

"It wasn't full sex because I couldn't cum"

Nice...

Justconfused · 19/09/2013 10:18

I have another one for you;

Well she didn't have an orgasm.. It was nothing like the sex we have .. She could have been a prostitute

Yes really ! What a class a idiot I am married to

Chyochan · 19/09/2013 10:46

Well I dont know, Im shocked at MN.
After reading this thread I can now see that, first off, all you wicked ladies have LITERALLY FORCED your wonderfull partners to have sex with other women, and then not even gratefully accepted their utterly reasonable explanations.

'Tosspotopath' Grin
Damn, pople are looking at me in the office now because Im laughing.

InLoveWithDavidTennant · 19/09/2013 15:10

exp "her depression is much worse than yours" - and there was me thinking it was an illness not a competition Confused

ow (who was a friend of mine) a month later on my birthday "i need him to cure me, much more than you do" Hmm um ok...

would like to point out that she didnt actually have depression... she only put on an act when he was around. everyone knew but him. it was pathetic!

onefewernow · 19/09/2013 15:22

I did it ( sexting OW for five years and lying about it) because I was depressed and needed the 'high'.

Hmm, yes, well life was going well at that point... I did it then because I was on a high at work and needed it not to stop. No wait, it calmed me down.

They don't actually know why, at least until they have shifted their arses into gear to find out.

nobutts · 19/09/2013 16:21

oooh! i also had "you're lucky I didn't hit you" and
"your arse is too big" (wasn't, so there!) and
"we (exh and ow) have loads in common" 40 year old father of 1 and 17 year old school girl..
also had "maybe i should just move out for a few months and then come back" orrrrrrrrr not maybe.
to the counseller when he was having 5 minutes of faking fixing things "watch her! she's very intelligent"....massive personality flaw obviously.

hahah "i'm a psychopath!"

Chyochan · 19/09/2013 16:28

Ex once told me 'I no longer love you, you've allowed yourself to become fat'
Im a size 10.

Wellwobbly · 19/09/2013 16:45

Oh no.

I think Slightlylessluscious, Perfectstorm and Springy are in a three-way tie

Shock WTAF?????? What?

Wellwobbly · 19/09/2013 16:48

Bogey I absolutely agree with you about the compartmentalisation. Here is another one who went from 3-4 times a week to being completely rejected.

He was monogamous with OW.

CuttedUpPear · 19/09/2013 16:51

Me: "Why did you sleep with her? We have a good sex life, don't we?"
XP: "I slept with her because we were having so much good sex, you had got me used to it. So it's your fault".

Wellwobbly · 19/09/2013 16:58

What? CuttedUpPear, What?

Yawn. Mine followed the script.

'I was depressed'

'I can remember'

'I meant nothing, I didn't love her'

'I only said I loved her and she was beautiful to get her to open her legs'

[2 years later] 'I was very fond of her'
[3 years later] - found to be back in touch

his most original and probably most truthful:

'it was a new c t and a new pair of t ts'

Thanks. You are revealing you had no problem lying to two human beings, that you don't like women much, and you have probably never connected with anyone in your life. Goodbye.

Slightlylessluscious · 19/09/2013 16:59

He also said (serious soulful expresssion) "OW has shown me a completely different way of living" Well yes, a 20-something way of living with no child-care responsibilities!

upthedamnwotsit · 19/09/2013 19:36

I'm open-mouthed at all of these replies. PLEASE tell me some of these men realised how utterly fuckwitted their excuses were later on?

Original poster
Bogeyface · 19/09/2013 20:09

Wow cutted that has got to be the most brilliant example of fucked up logic I have ever heard! How screwed up must your brain be to think that up?!

OP posts:
MrsPeeWee · 19/09/2013 20:32

This hasn't happened to me, but my lovely friend. Recently he cheated on her while she was 7 months pregnant and already had 1 DC. - He said to her - "Oh get over it"
1 week after he cheated and left her.

I was gobsmacked! Shock

UnexpectedStepmum · 19/09/2013 20:43

"It was really hard for me when your dad died, it brought up lots of emotions. You weren't there for me to support me through that, so I had a perfect right to get support from her."

TessTackle · 19/09/2013 20:48

When your dad died unexpected?! Is he fucking for real?

Cunt.

MissLazarus · 19/09/2013 20:54

"It was only a tiny proportion of my life - less than one percent. The rest of the time I was completely devoted to you and the family...."

Justconfused · 19/09/2013 20:55

Unexpected thats so weird an excuse ! My DH used the excuse of MY cancer treatment .. It was so hard for him .. And apparently I did not support him .. I did as did our friends and family , he was just looking for an excuse. It is just despicable that he used your dad?s death as an excuse .. Poor you x

UnexpectedStepmum · 19/09/2013 20:57

Yes Tess, my bereavement made him do it. The attention was taken off him for a bit, how outrageous.

My dad thought he was a cunt too.

UnexpectedStepmum · 19/09/2013 21:03

Slightly off topic follow up - I ended the relationship and later met DH. I became pregnant but had a late miscarriage, horrible time. ExCunt kept ringing and texting me, demanding that I return a strimmer he had decided to store in my garage when we were together. (I didn't own a garden). He continued to harass me until I got it out and drove it back to him, days after my baby had died.

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