Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

"Stupid Shit Cheaters Say"

132 replies

Bogeyface · 17/09/2013 19:16

Inspired by reading this on Chumplady.....

Hows this…. “I never thought you trusted me, so I had an affair to prove you never trusted me. See! I was right!” This is the explanation I got.

Yup, there’s something about cheating that seems to bring on sudden mental retardation. How can someone even SAY that with a straight face?

My personal favourite from my cheater was “I am not in a place where I feel comfortable talking about this yet. You need to wait until I am ready, this has been so traumatic.” I posted it on CL, and I am still to this day amazed that he ever had the gall to say it.

OP posts:
Ragusa · 18/09/2013 22:02

Oh how I wish I'd had the presence of mind to say that Grin

nopanicandverylittleanxiety · 18/09/2013 22:06

Literally within 15 minutes of my discovering he had been sexting 88-153 times a day. He told me that I just needed to get over it. Super arrogant style. What a total nob.

He went on the attack and said loads of nasty things, but that was plain ridiculous. Although as soon as I had bin bagged him I did rapidly start to get over it Wink

Admittedly not half as entertaining as claiming to be a psychopath
but ex isn't that creative. Tosspotopath is more of a description Grin

Original poster
Bogeyface · 18/09/2013 22:09

I take no credit for that! I read it somewhere, might have been Chumplady actually, but it fitted his "excuse" perfectly!

What comes across very strongly though is that it is NEVER their fault!

It wasnt my Hs fault because

She (an ex GF) texted him
She liked him sending dirty messages
There was a lost phone that had been in lost property for over a year and if it hadnt been there then he wouldnt have been able to use it as his secret phone
I was at work and he was bored.

Arsehole.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bogeyface · 18/09/2013 22:10

I have to admit that I love the concept of someone who would rather be a psychopath than just a selfish cheater, that is another level of stupid!

OP posts:
Sparklysilversequins · 18/09/2013 22:23

When I finally dumped mine after numerous affairs, one night stands, prostitutes, sex lines etc he said bitterly:-

"the government make it too easy for you women to break up families. There's no incentive of you to stay and work at a marriage".

Yes Really!

Ragusa · 18/09/2013 22:29

OK, sparkly wins so far Shock

Sparklysilversequins · 18/09/2013 22:32

In case you didn't get the government reference, that is because they pay single women benefits to allow them to feed themselves and their children and not remain in abusive situations. It's a REAL problem apparently Hmm.

Dahlen · 18/09/2013 22:52

Bloody hell!

I'm surprised some of you haven't ended up in prison for assault or murder!

Some of these are actually very funny, but only because they're ridiculous. The human cost involved is too awful for words. Sad

Slightlylessluscious · 18/09/2013 22:57

My DH explaining depth of great love for OW "I knew it was serious when OW got really upset when you and I had sex on our wedding anniversary: I knew that I never wanted to cause her that kind of pain again" Seriously!

Ledkr · 18/09/2013 22:58

I remember another.
"You should be grateful I don't hit you like some blokes do"
Hmm

Ezio · 18/09/2013 23:19

Some of these lines are the rest i've been single 4 years and i plan to keep it that way.

Ezio · 18/09/2013 23:20

rest = reason

Ragusa · 18/09/2013 23:36

slightlylessluscious OMFG.

AnyFucker · 18/09/2013 23:38

"I always come back to you , don't I ?"

Original poster
Bogeyface · 18/09/2013 23:42

Slightlyless you have confirmed a theory I have had for a while.

There is the old myth of men compartmentalizing, men can separate sex and love...blah blah. But my husband only went off sex with me when he started his affair, his sex drive previously to that had been very high. But I dont think they do compartmentalize as much as the cheater apologists would have us believe.

Yours didnt like "cheating" (HA! FFS!) on his mistress, and clearly neither did mine. Many women post on MN that they know something is up because he is detaching emotionally and sexually and then eventually find out about the affair.

The myth is, I think put about by men who want us to believe that they can separate the wife and the mistress, so clearly the problem is that we can't.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bogeyface · 18/09/2013 23:42

AF I am guessing your answer was

"Not his time, dickhead"

OP posts:
Original poster
Bogeyface · 18/09/2013 23:43

this, not his!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 18/09/2013 23:44

Yes it was, BF. Eventually.

Slightlylessluscious · 18/09/2013 23:51

Ragusa, I know. Twelve months on and just about through divorcing him I can nearly laugh about it, but at the time I honestly thought that I had misheard him!

Zoe678 · 18/09/2013 23:55

asking for compassionate leave to facilitate leaving a wife who didn't know what was coming = Shock

Original poster
Bogeyface · 18/09/2013 23:57

Zoe there is an MNer who came home to find her husband had cleared out the house to go and live with his (pregnant) OW. He had hired a van and taken the day off work, to this day I will never forget her first post about it :(

OP posts:
Slightlylessluscious · 19/09/2013 00:04

Bogeyface, I agree. The thing that I found completely shocking in those first days post-discovery was the fact that in DH's mind, very clearly sex with me (wife of 12 years, mother of DD) was "wrong" - he should have been saving himself exclusively for OW. And I'm very happy to say that he is now!

Original poster
Bogeyface · 19/09/2013 00:26

Bet he ain't you know.....she just doesnt know yet Wink

OP posts:
itwasarubythatshewore · 19/09/2013 00:30

I found a piece of paper in the bathroom in his handwriting that said: woman's name, Nude Massage, telephone number. I went and woke him up and asked him what it was. His first answer was that he had looked online for a Sport's Massage and that was all he could find - we both work in IT and live in London, but that was all he could find ... I didn't say much. Later, it was that he had just wanted human touch. It is true that we hadn't had any for years, but he was the one rejecting it and I was the one trying to tell him lack of sex & intimacy was going to destroy us.

FunnyRunner · 19/09/2013 00:33

Bogey I will never forget that post / those threads either. You literally couldn't make it up.