Just found DH registered on dating website & overusing porn - help!

[Needtoseelight]

Have just got back from trip and read history file on computer - yes was suspicious already something wrong but nothing like this.

Porn overuse in relationship problem for long time and always makes me angry and sad.

When I try and talk to him about it he just says he has a problem but that I shouldn't be hurt because it's nothing to do with me.

We've been married 3 years, have 20 month old and I'm 5 months pregnant. I want to leave him and feel so trapped.

Advice, thoughts???

Stop boasting needtoseelight .

I didn't say his surfing while she was asleep on him was right. If he wasn't being so secretive he wouldn't have to do it then, i'm just explaining how it appears to men sometimes. Bottomline is that he's being grossly disrespectful. And yes, he'd hate his wife/sister/daughter to appear on a pornsite but that's double standards for you.

AndMeAsWell - without internet there'd be no Mumsnet. Internet isn't at fault, before it existed you had to go to your local shop or specialist shop for porn. Internet just makes it easy for us lazy sods to access it.

Needtoseelight, with a figure like that. Maybe you should go into porn? LOL sorry, bad taste joke.

Andmeaswell - you too? I was under the (mistaken) impression that most women out there were OK with their DPs and DHs doing this. Probably a misconception fuelled by popularist media portrayal of the 'modern' woman. I thought my views might be old fashioned and based on previous threads I'd read on MN I really expected to be shot down as an over-reactive controlling wife!

I'm having an moment - sorry!

Not to mention the credit card fraud possible from porn sites.

I prefer running the gauntlet of the shop and the bloke shouting "how can i help YOU today?" hehe

Not boasting - just being super-confident! When I was at school I was a definite geek with braces and spots - it's taken me a long time to find the confidence to be proud of my figure I've worked to hard to allow my DH's problem to erode my self-esteem.

I have to say, the internet's a good thing on the whole (a bit like a vintage Merlot ) and without MN I don't know what I'd have done over the past week.

Andmeaswell - have you got access to all files and control of all setting on your computer, access to all (even mobile) bills, bank accounts etc? Can I also ask if youwork or whether you're at home all day and have nothing to distract you from your worries?

In that case sadandsickened, can i have some new trainers, please? Size 9, thanks.

S&S - you should definitely go and console yourself by buying some cute newborn rompers or something! Or promise yourself some 3 month post birth treats when you'll be on the way to getting your body back to normal

Beware though- I went out for some retail therapy recently and came home with a phil and teds! (wasn'treally planning on spending THAT much )

Oh I feel better now I know you have one! I also have a very visual imagination and am imagining DH now with feathers, bum in the air and head in sand!!

Do you know if its a boy or girl?

What's a phil and ted? does it have an excellent adventure?

Phil and Teds most excellent buggy company! ! (the pushchairs even my male friends are interested in!)

In case you missed it me and s&s are both pg and due to pop soon

Shame to be on a thread like this with that going on too. But, that's life, if we could separate the good from the bad it would be a lot easier.

Is that 3 girls then s&s? Am I counting right, sorry if I'm not.

Do you think you can be direct with DH when he comes home about whether he got your email and how he felt about it? I suppose the risk is making them angry and shut down completely. I know this is a sensitive question but there's no risk your DH would hurt you if you did push him a bit far?

If you could separate the good from the bad, you'd be single.

You're right.

When I started this thread it was because I was angry and I felt completely helpless and alone. At the time all I wanted to do was leave and be on my own. The situation made me wish I didn't have kids and had no responsibility for anyone else. I thought -'why should I have to deal with this crap'. When everything had cooled down and I was calm again, not to mention feeling much more supported by all the lovely people here, I could see that that wasn't a helpful way to approach this problem. Having said that though, if we didn't have kids, a mortgage, marriage certificate etc,ie, if he was still my BF rather than DH or DP, I don't know if I'd have stuck around. And that's a hard thing to admit.

But needtoseelight, YOU seem to be the only one in your relationship actually caring about this. He isn't, he's carrying on as normal as if everything's fine. You're the one with the worries and the stress and the children.

Do what is best for you and your children, he can and should look after himself.

I think he cares HappyDaddy, and I know he'd be heartbroken if I said I couldn't be with him anymore. Being able to talk about this has made me feel strong enough now to stick to my guns though. He's not going to be able to 'carry on as normal' any more now. This week has been a real turning point and if he hasn't taken me seriously he'll soon find out that I am!

I'm not in your situation so hope I haven't sounded too judgemental. I'm glad you feel stronger now and that you're not the only one who doesn't like what he's doing.

Good luck.

You haven't sounded judgemental at all - been nice to have a guy's opinion. Bet you get told a lot you have a lucky DW!