Reaction to men and women on here

[Treen44444]

From reading threads on here, you tend to get differing attitudes, outrage, advice, on similar threads depending on whether its a woman or a man. For example:
Scenario:
On a post about a husband not being keen on sex at the moment. The woman started giving him oral, he wasn't enthused and it didn't go any further.
Responses:
He is a lazy lover/he should have said no/get rid of him.

A similar post where roles are reversed:

Responses:
You didn't say yes/you may have been raped/you shouldn't feel pressured in to sex/you don't owe him anything.

Scenario:
My husband is ignoring me.

Response:
He is withholding communication this is a form of EA. leave him.

Scenario:
Im not talking to my husband. I'm scared he will kick off if I tell him how I feel. (A valid reason for not communicating).

Response:
This is EA, leave him.

Scenario:
I want to leave my husband.

Responses:
Plan/organise/don't tell him/check finances/speak to solicitor, etc.

Scenario:
My husband left me. I've received legal documentation.

Response:
That's awful/it seems premeditated/he's been planning this behind your back.

The above are summaries and just examples. What I really want to know is whether you think if two sides of the same argument wrote in they would get conflicting advice(scenarios like above, not extreme cases)? Whether you would get fairer advice if you were non gender specific in your thread set up? Whether different sexes should get differing advice? Are some people too bitter to give a fair assessment?

But what do you actually mean by 'clear cut'? We only ever get the one side that we are responding to?

Offred - but you have disagreed with what I have said without quoting threads. So you must be doing that on a feeling or a perception of threads you have read.
Maybe one day I'll set up to Identical threads with gender roles swapped under different usernames and check the responses.
It's hard to identify. Look at the dating threads. It's never the OP's fault. It's always a weird date

Treen - don't go down that particular conversational route. Believe me.

I suspect quite often that people come here and deliberately post threads that give the same problem from each side just to see what the reaction is.

Personally if a poster is genuine I think there is always a wide range of answers and it's very rare for a poster to be told the same thing by all responders.

What I really hate is when poster (usually men, unfortunately) accuse women here of being bitter and only able to give one kind of advice because they are so bitter about their experience. This is so untrue and such a typical thing to say - it is said a lot. It's typical of people who want to shut down a conversation or not accept reasonable and good advice.

Urgh, just read the op's latest response.

Please don't do that. It's really not an original thing to do. It has been done before. It's shit and it really just causes pointless grief on a forum that is here to help people. Conducting stupid experiments to try and prove a theory that mumsnetters are just bitter old hags is B O R I N G, predictable and unhelpful.

Maybe one day I'll set up to Identical threads with gender roles swapped under different usernames and check the responses.

I think you already did that earlier this week, didn't you?

It was the thread about blow-jobs that's already been referred to on this one.

I posted that I didn't think the female OP had secured 'enthusiastic consent' and it's what struck me second only to thinking that some man with a point to prove had broken Talk Guidelines and had started a false thread in order to prove a point.

I won't link it here on the remote offchance it's some poor bugger's support thread.

Duelling - this is a topic to see the response. A) to see if people think there is a bias(which I've said is not gender exclusive) and whether it is rational and helpful when talking about life decisions.
Would you ask for a balanced view from a catholic about stem cell research, would you ask a man united fan about cities best player?maybe you wouldn't get the best advise.
I was mainly asking, would you get better/different reaction to a thread if you didn't divulge gender?

Fran - I posted on that thread. Not my thread.

Duelling - I only wrote that test because people were writing about being an academic study. It would be the test to do

I think you are wrong to assume that all Catholics on a forum for Catholicism would be against stem cell research or that all united football fans would be unable to give an opinion on who they think is the best player in another team.

I think BeerTricksPotter summed it up very well in her last post.

Sock-puppeting is also an offence and a dead giveaway.

And the post before that.

Are you a man, Treen?

No, I'm married with kids

So was my husband, when I last checked. But like you, he's definitely a man .

Thing is, if MN is part of a cultural shift that encourages more women to dump unsatisfactory men that would be its greatest achievement. Because far more men are abusive to their female partners than women are abusive to their male partners. Because far too many men still feel entitled to abuse, bully, belittle and extract obedience and submission from women, because women are just 'women', not people.

Because the more women dump unsatisfactory men, the more men have to actually change their behaviour, or they will be bred out of existence. It was still the case up until a hundred years or so ago that 'society' was structured to make it almost impossible for women to survive without a male owner. Within living memory, a woman could not get credit or buy a house without her male owner's permission. The fact that it is now possible for a woman to survive economically without a male owner is great, but there is still a great deal of cultural pressure on women to accept being owned by a man - to want to be owned by a man. Because it suits men for women to seek and desire to.... service men sexually and domestically in return for being 'loved'.

Yeah yeah, of course, Not Your Nigel. There are plenty of men who are not abusive, not selfish or lazy, not entitled. There are plenty of people engaging in heterosexual monogamous relationships which are happy and life-enhancing. But that doesn't stop the mainstream culture from harming women by pressuring them to accept shitty relationships rather than be single.

Agenda?let beer to give her insight.
To assume I have an agenda must mean you have an agenda. What is your agenda behind getting defensive behind a topic of discussion.

Fran - so if your husband was ask if they were a man?

He would say no, married with kids?

"this isn't about 'cut and dry' scenarios or extremely one sided scenarios"

The majority of posts on Relationships look pretty unambiguous to me. The minority about very standard disagreements, posted as vents etc.. don't tend to draw as big a response or any LTBs. I can't really understand how you could genuinely have got yourself worked up about them.

As for the issue of taking advice from strangers on the internet, I have to say that MN advice over the years has generally been of a much higher calibre than that of well-meaning but frankly ignorant real life friends and family.

It is up to any OP whether or not to take any advice offered. We're generally competent adults on here and responsible for our own decisions.

Er no, he would just say 'yes' but would leave the rest of that sentence out of it, because as a clause it adds nothing but obfuscation.

Then again, he doesn't tell lies on parenting forums and has better things to do than start goady threads.

Solid- I agree that is a problem bigger than advising one person. MN is great. I was just asking the question of affects of bias in scenarios that can affect people

Agree Friends and familys advice can come with an agenda all of its own Eg. "you should stay together for the sake of the kids"

"there are no divorces in our family" etc especially from in laws or sometimes even the posters own parents usually because they are scared they wont see as much of their grandchildren or they dont want "shame" brought on the family.

My 'agenda' is to point out that when people post on here they don't receive the same response from every person. This place is not full of bitter women who can't give unbiased advice and talk of starting threads to test a theory is boring and unoriginal.

And well said solidgoldbrass.

Fran - I thought I would give some background as OPs tend to. I'm telling the truth, believe it or not. I don't see why your so against a woman wanting equality or at least less emphasis on gender difference.
I'm glad your husband doesn't lie on parenting forums. He probably doesn't on dating forums either lol