Reaction to men and women on here

[Treen44444]

From reading threads on here, you tend to get differing attitudes, outrage, advice, on similar threads depending on whether its a woman or a man. For example:
Scenario:
On a post about a husband not being keen on sex at the moment. The woman started giving him oral, he wasn't enthused and it didn't go any further.
Responses:
He is a lazy lover/he should have said no/get rid of him.

A similar post where roles are reversed:

Responses:
You didn't say yes/you may have been raped/you shouldn't feel pressured in to sex/you don't owe him anything.

Scenario:
My husband is ignoring me.

Response:
He is withholding communication this is a form of EA. leave him.

Scenario:
Im not talking to my husband. I'm scared he will kick off if I tell him how I feel. (A valid reason for not communicating).

Response:
This is EA, leave him.

Scenario:
I want to leave my husband.

Responses:
Plan/organise/don't tell him/check finances/speak to solicitor, etc.

Scenario:
My husband left me. I've received legal documentation.

Response:
That's awful/it seems premeditated/he's been planning this behind your back.

The above are summaries and just examples. What I really want to know is whether you think if two sides of the same argument wrote in they would get conflicting advice(scenarios like above, not extreme cases)? Whether you would get fairer advice if you were non gender specific in your thread set up? Whether different sexes should get differing advice? Are some people too bitter to give a fair assessment?

[Anniegetyourgun]

Look, if someone leaves a perfectly good relationship just because a bunch of internet strangers told them to, they've got more problems than their choice of forum.

[Darkesteyes]

Treen what im saying is there is NO bias. Men and women are mostly treated the same on here from what ive seen
There was a woman who posted a thread a while back "I dont want sex how can i keep my husband" and she got bloody roasted on here.

I was also accused of hijacking the linked thread even though
a. i had experienced the same thing as the OP.
b. i wasnt the one who brought up prostitutes and paying for sex.


Ergo......wheres the bias?

[ChangingWoman]

"However, if the playing field is skewed it may affect impressionable people or put unnecessary doubt in people's minds"

That's life for you really, one big skewed playing fiel (and not one skewed in favour of women).

Adults can live with doubts and learn from them, necessary or unnecessary. They don't need to be protected from doubt. We all have to learn to exercise our own judgment.

Impressionable people? Do you mean children? People with learning disabilities? Or people competent and adult enough to sign up to MN and post comprehensibly under the relationships topic?

This particular statement is more than slightly patronising to those who post here for advice.

[ModeratelyObvious]

But we all post as ourselves, and we are all made up of class, gender, race, iq, experience, whatever whatever. How can any one element be left out?

[Anniegetyourgun]

I have no intention of leaving my gender out of my posts. I will assess the evidence as fairly as I can, and give as unbiased an opinion as I'm capable of, but at the end of the day I am who I am, I have had the experiences I have had, and that will make a difference to the advice I give - not always in a bad way. The great advantage of a high volume site like this is that there will be a whole load of other viewpoints from all sorts of different people with different personalities and experiences - including quite a few men - so that the OP has many opinions and perspectives to draw on. More female ones, sure. But then, for a female OP, female experiences are more likely to be relevant and (hopefully) sympathetic because we've been there.

[lurkinglorna]

annie that's an excellent point indeed.

I think if "deep down" a woman wants to keep her husband, there's no way she'll listen to anything anyone says about leaving him.

[Treen44444]

Darkeyes - I agree it's what posts you read. I think the ones you use are more clear cut with supposed social 'morals'. The one you linked, you said was 50/50ish. I think it was only that way because of a bias. To claim there is no bias because men and women are mostly treated equally is not what I'd do.

Changing - it could be all of those people. You must remember there are readers too. To assume adults can't be impressionable is wrong. It happens all over the world. From people trafficking to advertising

[DuelingFanjo]

What exactly do you think the women of mumsnet are persuading people to do?

[ChangingWoman]

OP has now made me laugh out loud.

Let's censor the whole internet in case someone "impressionable" comes across something which gives them "unnecessary doubt".... Be careful when handling MN advice as its influence is comparable to the coercion and violence exerted by those who traffick human beings!

OP - did you know that you do have a choice about how you respond to advertising?

Harmful advice on Relationships is usually shouted down by the majority of others replying to a thread.

Initially I thought this was just a silly thread. It's a very, very silly thread.

[Darkesteyes]

Treen are you suggesting that MN should be censored in some way.

If you want to see bias you could do worse than pop over to MSE and look at their forums.
The way some of the male posters on there talk about women is appalling I left MSE two years ago for that and the fact that they are far right wing.
I even saw posts by men laughing about financially abusing their wives. Bloody disgraceful.

[Darkesteyes]

Treen are you suggesting that MN should be censored in some way.

If you want to see bias you could do worse than pop over to MSE and look at their forums.
The way some of the male posters on there talk about women is appalling I left MSE two years ago for that and the fact that they are far right wing.
I even saw posts by men laughing about financially abusing their wives. Bloody disgraceful.

[Treen44444]

Duelling - not persuading anyone. I'm an MNer. I was simply putting up a topic based upon what I have read. It turns out a fair number of people have seen a bias on here. I think the bias comes when interpreting the '50/50' scenarios, for want of a better word. And therefore skews the advise. In my opinion this could be unhelpful to some families.
I've found myself giving a lot of examples of bias and a stance to that affect because I am the OP.
I'll say again, I love MN. It's great. I saw areas of double standards linked to gender and i thought I'd set up a thread. It was not attacking, it was to discuss.
Ultimately a counsellor will try and leave their own gender out of their advice( I'm not saying this is professional advise) but there maybe a reason for that.

[Treen44444]

Changing - it's more to do with the range of advice not the level of advice.

[Treen44444]

Changing - the advertising was to counter your claim that adults can not be impressionable.
Do you assume an impressionable adult trafficked woman couldn't start a thread on MN. I don't get it

[Treen44444]

Darkesteyes - you are seeing it as tit for tat, because both sides are doing it doesn't make it good in my opinion

[ChangingWoman]

You're not following a logical line of argument or making sense generally.

Your leaps of tenuous association, misreading (or wilful misunderstanding) of pps, and bizarre comparisons are undermining any points you genuinely want to make.

Overall this thread is a load of nonsense which I shall now leave to others who have had a few Friday night drinks.

[Darkesteyes]

Seeing what as tit for tat Im with Changing on this I cant follow you at all

[Treen44444]

ok. Night change

[lurkinglorna]

darkest seconded.

[Treen44444]

Dark -If you want to see bias you could do worse than pop over to MSE and look at their forums.
The way some of the male posters on there talk about women is appalling I left MSE two years ago for that and the fact that they are far right wing.
I even saw posts by men laughing about financially abusing their wives. Bloody disgraceful.

[Treen44444]

Is that tit for tat?

[lurkinglorna]

ps I actually find this thread rather creepy - it's like the boy at school who wanted to come and join in on the girls only conversations.

[Treen44444]

Lurks - I think she's a she

[Darkesteyes]

Its not tit for tat Its my experience of using their forums Im starting to feel like im being gaslighted a bit.

[Treen44444]

Dark - I'm not doing that. You said you couldn't follow so I pasted what you had written. I'm not arguing that it shouldn't happen, or why bias happens, I'm saying that it may not be helpful in the moderate threads and it may twist these threads in an irrational way.
Go back to the bigger question. Do you personally think there is bias? Do you think it narrows the response? Do you think it twists responses for the better or worse?
Do you see bias on a predominantly men forum helpful?