I do not, and will ever understand men.

[watchforthesnail]

Dating, horribly for years, no luck.

This weekend this has been the chain of events:

Nice date on friday, lovely. He stayed in contact sat but didnt ask for a second date, sometimes made some odd comments, ended up at the end of the day asking for full lenght pics of me in my underwear. sleeze.

Set up a date for this morning, chatting all sat and sun,was going to be some sort of casual thing, ok for both of us... ie - it was going to be easy for him.... he stops replying late last night, get no response this morning so tell him in not going to be there.... arsehole

been chatting to a guy who lives a distance away, had plans to meet up, he texts me sat, i respond, he never replies. I whatsapp and then skype when hes online on both... no response. dickhead.

3 shit things in the space of 2 days. pretty much more than i can handle and am wondering if im so god damn awful and unattractive...
because otherwise none of it makes any sense.

Have you used e harmony??? I don't think it's as sleazy as pof etc.....my friend had had same experience as you but has met a really lovely few guys on e harmony. Definately not just after a shag....take home to your patents type blokes. Maybe change the sites??

What sites are you using OP? So we can all avoid them

watch so can we not summarise by saying that a) online dating is not working for you and b) for some reason you don't want to listen to anybody who tells you that and c) this thread is going round in circles.

What strikes me is a lot of your hobbies are sort of solitary endeavours, photography, furniture, fishing I mean, you can associate with other people doing it but they're not overtly social. What about joining a sports team of some sort or volunteering? I also don't want to go down the salsa dance path with suggestions but just thinking maybe you could find some group activities not even for dating but just to meet some new friends. Perhaps younger friends in their mid to late 20s who are still single or have more single friends.

ive used them all really pof, okcupid, match, eharmony ( wins worst date award). none of the others have enough im my area to sign up up... ( imlooking at you guardian soulmates with your 8 members in a 25 mile radius)

lareg- yeah sure you can. I do want to listen, but id rather have understanding that being blamed for it being my fault.
or called names.

i dont really like doing sports. i dont have time/ childcare to volunteer.

i have plenty of younger friends, which is lovely, but presents its own problems as they have a) masses of disposable income b) dont understand my responsibilities c) want to get pissed all the time d) i dont want to date someone 10 years younger... because of all of the above ( and i know this because ive tried this before...

Just in case anyone knows a nice single man on here, what would attract you to a man? What qualities are you looking for?

also - interesting is... on the first page of here alone is

• the dating thread 63000 posts in.
• a thread about being played by online daters
• one saying her onlien date wanted her to agree to sex before they even met
• one saying her partner is on there
• one saying whats a good site as they all seem to be just after sex.

yet still, some people think its always giong to be the womans fault...madness

someone nice. nice is very underated.
i like confidence, not arrogance.
interesting and maybe a bit quirky.
quick witted, thoughful/ considerate
they need to have a bit of a zest for life to match me....

Hi watch (I think you are on my fb)

no real advice but might make you feel better if I summarise my recent forays back in to OD. Have been back on the sites for about two months

in that time

samename, a guy I had hooked up with about five years ago, after considerable vetting from my end, pitched up again - we had two dates and an encounter then he disappeared with the excuse that his phone had to be sent away. We started texting again he said he had got back with his wife - I suspect they never actually broke up. When he got back in touch he asked if I wanted some fun and I told him whilst I love fun not with someone attached.

Got chatting to a young local guy who got rather clingy and when I told him I had met someone else (I had) and told me not to burn my bridges.

Had a date with a lovely guy - not my usual type - we then had five dates and took ourselves off the site with a view to starting a relationship - however his ex, who still lived in his flat - was moving out - (I do believe him about that) had a meltdown but wouldn't talk to him - turns out she is unwell, asked if she could stay and give things another go. He did have the decency to tell me that things couldn't progress and he would see how things 'panned out' with his ex. Shame! Wished him well and did not say get in touch if it all goes wrong again.

Brushed myself down and started chatting to another localish guy - within two texts he asked me to send him sexy pics - I said no I would not do that as I hadn't even met him - he replied - its just harmless fun - to which I said we were clearly in different places.

I am a fairly attractive normal type of woman - just think that OD is full of dodgy characters with a few decent ones in between - it's not a reflection on us - I don't take it personally although I agree it can become very very wearing and is a complete minefield.

When I was OD a few years back I did date a guy for about six months - funnily enough he was looking for a serious relationship - I wasn't sure whether I wanted that and I also felt that as long as someone was half decent he would have gone for it. I don't think he liked the fact I wasn't sure what I wanted. It just fizzled out in the end for various reasons.

And had a date with another who clearly was looking for a serious relationship and a step mother for his children. We are still friends on fb and he is a lovely guy although wasn't for me.

Maybe have a break from the OD for a while?

Sin - thank you :)

it does make me feel a bit better. I know its not just me. My gay friend has the same experiences, the cock shots, vanishers, getting stood up, people who are nasty to his face, people who are cheating etc. Its just very very hard.

Im not sure why its hit me so hard, maybe the 3 things happening in the space of one weekend? or just being exhahusted by it all?

what i do know is people bitching about me, and laughing about me and the hard time im having, is not very nice at all.

I was planning a break, but ive just signed up to match for a month. Ill make that my last forray as its then too cold and too miserable.

Good morning Watch.

Yes, there have been some quite provocative posts here and I was left questioning my own motives for being OD.

The question which always gets me is "What's wrong with being single?". Since I became single I've had to think about that more and more. The question itself has an inherent judgment I think. So there's nothing 'wrong' with being single but there's also nothing 'wrong' with wanting a relationship and acting upon it. We are social creatures regardless of marriage/monogamy being a social construct.

I may join you on the sofa over the winter.

its the slagging me off on other threads which is worse. calling me entertainment....

Aw watch I'm sorry if I was one of the people sounding like I was blaming you - I wasn't, I was just trying to give you the same bossy pep talk I would one of my friends

Oh well, because you suspect some men of lying, it's OK for you to fabricate your profile as well?

FWIW the 2 guys I dated for a couple of months each, and the man I'm in a relationship with now, all had honest profiles.

I'm at a loss as to why you've had such rotten luck OP but it definitely sounds like you need a break from it to me. You are so jaded.

I think watch has said it wasn't a fabricated profile- it was just re- written in a way designed to appeal. It was on here and while the content wasn't for me I thought the self assured assertive tone was great.

All profiles are just marketing aren't they.

Hope you're ok watch.

Watch, I feel your pain. I've been trying internet dating for a few weeks and I almost gave up after 3 because I was so frustrated by it. In the first week I wasted loads of time chatting to men who seemed to enjoy emailing but were not serious about meeting. Then I found most of them didn't read a word of my profile so were nothing like the type I was requesting, and they just commented on my photos. Even though my pics aren't remotely racy I was getting lots of "yr hot!" type messages. Or the generic "how are you" from men who haven't bothered to fill out their profiles, not put pics up, not read my profile, etc.

I actually started to wonder why it was so hard to meet a man who I wanted to take to bed (and to be blunt I was only after something fairly casual not someone to marry or father my children), so I can imagine how much worse it feels when you're trying to find love. I've met 2 men though; both were exactly like their photos and just like how they were on the phone. The first was pleasant but no sexual chemistry, and the 2nd (who I've now met 3 times) is so electric I think it may be worth buying shares in Durex! The horrible thing about being single when you really want to meet someone is that, IME, it's harder to shrug off the dating disappointments and that's very wearing. Also, I've found, to save my sanity, I have to avoid knowing when someone is logged on/online because then it's too easy to wonder what they're doing (is he still trawling for a lady? Why hasn't he replied to my message? Why hasn't he contacted me? etc). It's horribly addictive though for some reason don't you find?

livid, it really helps to know its not just me. but im glad you have found someone to 'enjoy'
id quite happily settle for some of that :)