I do not, and will ever understand men.

[watchforthesnail]

Dating, horribly for years, no luck.

This weekend this has been the chain of events:

Nice date on friday, lovely. He stayed in contact sat but didnt ask for a second date, sometimes made some odd comments, ended up at the end of the day asking for full lenght pics of me in my underwear. sleeze.

Set up a date for this morning, chatting all sat and sun,was going to be some sort of casual thing, ok for both of us... ie - it was going to be easy for him.... he stops replying late last night, get no response this morning so tell him in not going to be there.... arsehole

been chatting to a guy who lives a distance away, had plans to meet up, he texts me sat, i respond, he never replies. I whatsapp and then skype when hes online on both... no response. dickhead.

3 shit things in the space of 2 days. pretty much more than i can handle and am wondering if im so god damn awful and unattractive...
because otherwise none of it makes any sense.

I think if you've never had a good experience with online dating, it's just constant shit, then it's insanity to keep doing it.

I understand you're a single parent but if you take the time and money you're currently spending on dates with assholes, and do something fun instead that might get you a new crop of friends (and their single friends ) then that's more productive.

What's your priority? To have a relationship, or to be happy?

I think if you prioritise the latter, you're more likely to get the former with a lot less struggle.

i do fun stuff too....
finding new friends is very hard though. again, im in my mid 30's, people have families, work, children they are wrapped up in.
also because im single, i tend to get left out of couple things.

there are no meet up type things in my area ( lord knows ive tried that avenue) ive also tried various socalising clubs, but they were either full of all single women and men ive rejected online dating.. or events just never happen due to lack of interest.

I am happy. but id also like to not be on my own, they are not mutually exclusive.

I don't think it's you, nor do I think you sound desperate, demanding, gamey or impatient.

You do sound utterly burned out by the whole OD process though. I have similar problems and I'm in my early 50's, look younger, successful career blah blah. I haven't been doing it for as long as you Watch but I can see how demoralising it's been and why wouldn't it be? You want a relationship and the world has changed. No-one knows what the rules are any more and that's a feeding ground for arseholes of every persuasion.

I wish I had the solution Watch but all I have are my wits about me in any potential dating scenario, online or otherwise. I'm not in a relationship and may remain so, but neither am I wasting my time and emotional energy on wasters.

aka- thank you. thats made me cry a bit.

im just burnt out, fed up and have had enough.

Its my birthday soon, id have liked not to have been single. or, it will be my 6th christmas on my own. risking sounding so pathetic, but id just like to be important to someone other than my mum and my child...

i was so hopeful about fridays date and he turned out to be a sleeze... people in rl are horrified at that. wouldnt think of blaming me for it. but on here i just seem to get kicked for it. I find it very hard.

FWIW, I think you're investing too much hope in people you don't know.

I think the men you are dating/messaging can feel your frustration at being single, they can sense your deep desire to be in a relationship and they are running for the hills.

Nothing on this thread makes me think you are even a particularly happy person, and that's after I've taken into account how pissed off you are that some strange man didn't call or message you when you were expecting him to.

Would you honestly want a LTR with any of the men you have met so far?
You are coming across as you will do almost anything to be in a relationship, and the man himself is little more than an accessory to that. It's not an attractive attitude to have.

Maybe I am completely wrong, but if I am thinking that, there's a chance these men are picking that up too.

Instead of fretting about whether this man was online or not, whether he should have messaged you, how long you waited, stop for a moment and think..............................do you want to spend time with this man, knowing how it has left you feeling? Is it him you really want or is this just a rant about being single? What's wrong with being single anyway?

im not happy at all today, no. hence this thread.

i would have seen the high flyer again, i dont know about the others.

however, IF i wasnt concerned about the type of man i wanted to be with, i wouldnt have told him to fuck off when he wanted underwear shots and would have done anything to keep him.

i fretted because the fucker would have stood me up. like he has before.
if you have ever been stood up you will know how utterly horrid it is.

and whats wrong with being single, is that after 5 years id ust like to be with somone who loves me. I miss all the stuff, from companionship, love affection, sex, someone to talk about my day with etc.. etc...

I didn't know whether to post this as it probably wont sounds nice, although I'm not meaning to sound unkind or patronising.
I've seen a few of your threads and it just seems to me that Finding A Man is at the absolute forefront of everything you do and that does come across when you met people, in my experience.

People do behave shittily on OD because they have no commitment to you - and every so often they might strike lucky with someone who is willing to send fanjo shots after one coffee date.

I'm not going to patronise you by suggesting "joining a club" or "finding a salsa class" etc, but I do think you need something to occupy your mind other than dating. Allow your interests to develop and you become a more interesting person.

I honestly hope you find someone, but I hope you don't meet someone "alright" and stick with them because he's less shit than the others.

I think it's very telling that the 'dating thread' - where people meet to share and swap (mostly) angst about their OD experiences, is one of the fastest moving threads on here & is up to thread 63. 63000 posts - jeez. It seems to me that there is a fundamental disconnect at the heart of OD - that most women on there, who say they want a relationship, do; and most men, regardless of what they say, don't. So, trying to find a relationship through OD is like (say) trying to thread a needle wearing gardening gloves - every now and again someone will manage it, but it's not the best way of going about it. The alternative is really just to leave it to chance and accept reluctant singledom. It's tough - but, IMHO, not as tough as being dicked around online.

Happy to piss off (thanks for that) but I stand by what I said about it coming across as quite desperate when someone is eying up every male as a potential partner.

im not eyeing up every male as a potential partner... only ones on online dating sites... because that is, supposedly, why they are on there, and why im on there

my gay friend, also online dating, having the same luck.... has said he cant believe im even questioning myself.

:)

that counts for more than he knows

My point exactly, watch - that's supposedly, but not really, why they're on there. It's all off-balance.

walk- i totally agree. its totally off balance, except lots of people fiind it easier to blame the woman. i hate that, its so unfair.

You are very touchy and not open to accepting people giving you well meaning advice. You have bitten everyone's head off

And I'm sorry but if I were I found that someone i was dating / messagging had written a profile based on internet research and not their true selves, that would piss me right off and you wouldn't see me for dust

A lot of the men who are OD though are not looking for a potential partner. They are looking for a liaison, sex, an encounter. I'm sure many many of them probably most if they were being completely honest would not describe themselves as looking for a partner, unless they mean as a sexual partner.

OD is a hotbed of sexual encounters, which I'm sure you know.

I still think there's a lot to be said for being single.

yes, because all the men are so honest and earnest.

some ust have profiles that are ';pih fgph s;akn dl hurfh dbshliadsufh ' and im not kidding about that.

most say ' message me for more'

the long winded ones are ususally just full of lists of films they like... and i cant see why copying something is much idfferent that what they do on the dating thread and all look and comment/ change each others profiles.

the profile is far less important than anyone thinks, its can easily be all lies and since most people are shallow its all about the pictures.

I'm confused as to why you are continuing to date online when you have such a low opinion of it.
Have you just got into the habit? Or do you genuinely think you might meet someone who genuinely wants a serious relationship from OD?

If the latter is true, then I'm afraid you might have to kiss a whole load more frogs whilst remaining cheerful and optimistic before you find a man who even vaguely resembles a prince.

misguided hope.

and lack of other options basically. Im not closed down to other chances of things happening. but well, they just dont happen.

Are you the person who started the thread about the Sky man?

If so, my advice would be to stop looking for a man for a while. Concentrate on something else for a bit.

yes. i was.

i wasnt looking for him....

also, dating is only a small part of my life. i do lots of other things, im just posting about dating, thats all.

So even though it makes you feel like crap, you are going to continue, hoping, waiting?