I do not, and will ever understand men.

[watchforthesnail]

Dating, horribly for years, no luck.

This weekend this has been the chain of events:

Nice date on friday, lovely. He stayed in contact sat but didnt ask for a second date, sometimes made some odd comments, ended up at the end of the day asking for full lenght pics of me in my underwear. sleeze.

Set up a date for this morning, chatting all sat and sun,was going to be some sort of casual thing, ok for both of us... ie - it was going to be easy for him.... he stops replying late last night, get no response this morning so tell him in not going to be there.... arsehole

been chatting to a guy who lives a distance away, had plans to meet up, he texts me sat, i respond, he never replies. I whatsapp and then skype when hes online on both... no response. dickhead.

3 shit things in the space of 2 days. pretty much more than i can handle and am wondering if im so god damn awful and unattractive...
because otherwise none of it makes any sense.

Oh how frustrating OP.

The thing is, most men (and women) who online date have loads of things on the go at any one time. They will even date lots of different people, it is sadly no longer normal to be "exclusive" straight away, in fact, it is rare.

The men (and women) on dating sites are casting their nets wide.

The best way to meet guys is still through friends, at friends' parties, friends of family members (having brothers is great, a decent brother would not be friends with a total fuckwit, you'd hope anyway) that sort of thing. Anther way is through a hobby/sport (not a girly dance class obviously, but sports where men and women mix, like tennis, climbing, cycling etc.)

There is nothing wrong with you, there is nothing wrong with men, the world of dating is just changing very quickly

I think online dating need to be done with a pinch of salt, a hide like a rhino and the realisation that there will be lots of frogs on the journey.

All the while trying not to be too cynical - if you carry all the energy from previously disappointing dates with you, you may well carry it into a date with potential Mr Right, who will feels your bristling and be put off you.

It's a total head fuck.

it is, ive been doing it years, i know how it goes.

im just very fed up with it, and being messed about 3 times in 2 days is pretty shitty.

par - i dont expect to be exclusive after one date and im not sure where you got that from? i do however expect people to turn up on dates they ask me on, or , at least tell me they cant make it... and not to ask for sleezy pics having met me once.
also - i might ask how many single, mid 30's, decent men you know..... because its not as easy as you might think.

Which dating site do you use? I've got quite a few friends who met their respective partners on eHarmony. Seems less full of time waisters and more people looking for an actual relationship.

That said I met my DP when I stopped looking and REALLY did not want a relationship and just wanted a break from men. Maybe that's worth a try?

The problem with advice like 'join a club' is that whilst on some levels it's a really good suggestion, for many people it's just impossible.

A friend of mine joined a photography club, and did an evening class (can't remember what in tbh, some sort of craft). But she has a job close to home so she is home by 5 every day, and (importantly) no children.

If I was single, in my 30s with no kids, there's no way I'd bother with OD. I'd be joining clubs, going out, trying to meet men in RL.

It's different when you have children. Most groups/ clubs meet on weekday evenings, impossible if you have no-one on tap to mind your children. Weekends will be out because eow your DC are with you. Some lps are at home during the day, but any sort of daytime/ school hours group tbh would be full of other mums. Or pensioners!

So quite often there really isn't much alternative to OD, if you want to meet men/date/hope at some point for a relationship. It's a shame a lot of the time it's so completely rubbish - and that all the things which your friend assume will make you irresistible to men, seem to be of no benefit whatsoever!

I think people here are being kinda harsh on you op. The first guy was obviously (unfortunately) after a quick thrill. With the second guy am I right in thinking you had a date with him in the morning and you messaged him after the time set for the date had elapsed? In which case also fair enough, you're hardly being over-enthuasiastic! Just chalk this up to bad experience, its not you, its just a collection of rubbish dating experiences all come together. Don't let it get you down, anyone who has done on line (or even real life!) dating will tell you it happens more often than you can imagine. You'll fine a none-timewaster eventually (and I'm single too so am not speaking from the smug position of being happily partnered off)

I'm confused about the second guy. So you were chatting all weekend and arranged to meet up at 9.15 am on Monday (which tbh seems a slightly odd time for a date). Then late Sunday he stops replying -- but probably he just went to bed right? And maybe didn't reply Monday morning because he woke up late and was just rushing out of the house.

I do understand why you would think the worst after years of this kind of stuff, but then that's probably a reason to give it up probably. Either you're just dealing with jerks or you're writing off legit guys at the slightest chance they look like being a jerk.

yeah, it was a coffee date, he had the morning off, its my day off.. he suggested the time.
He was chatting all sat and sunday, he stopped replying at 8. i didnt think anything of it..... by 11, before i went to bed, and him still not having had replied, yet still being 'online' i wondered if he would cancel. I sent a ' still on for this morning' message an hour before the date. he had been on whats app since 6:20 am. he got the message and never replied.

Watch, I have no idea why some people do that I'm afraid. But what I tend to do is actually call people to check a date's still on instead of texting or emailing. Maybe I think it reinforces the fact (by hearing my voice) that it might be internet dating but they're actually dealing with a fellow human. It also helps prevent any misunderstandings and by talking to someone you get an instant answer. Then again I dislike texting and i don't even have a smart phone so am not constantly "online".

Hmm that is weird

This may be a stupid question, but once you've set a date, do you keep chatting online? You say you were chatting all weekend. Is that how it's normally done? Because I would think in a way that just increases the likelihood you might say something that might strike the other person badly somehow. It's so much easier to come off badly online compared to in person.

Otherwise you could just chat until you set a date and then just say, great, looking forward to chatting more in person then, and leave it.

Sorry 'that is weird' meant the guy who disappeared, not Livid

we were chatting on and off, he asked me out the sunday morning. yes, most of the time you continue to chat. never had someone thats stopped talking...

As a bloke, I'd find it a bit weird if a woman was constantly messaging me after a first date ? First guy needs binning, but you've got three on the go at once.

Thing is, could the "whats app" be logged in if he's on a smart phone - most folk don't switch them off, and depending on the phone, they don't always log the app off !

the fuzz. i was only replying to the first date guy that was messaging me. im not insane im not going to keep sending messages with no response. please.
he was sending chatty stuff, lots of pics, mostly complainging about stuff, and if i didnt reply fairy quickly, HE then send another message, almost prompting me to reply. Same as the pic request, i said i might later and then just ignored for a bit, he then send 3 more messages asking me if i was ready to send them now..... not me, not my fault and i damn well hate it how people automatically blame the woman. every. godamn. time.

and if hes on a smartphone, which is always on, then he would have got the messages and been able to reply, yes? esp when i asked if it was still on. which he didnt.
so hes also a turd.

You sound really fucked off, OP. Yes, I understand why you do, but no one can ever really know why folk do what they do.

I met DP (DF as of Saturday just gone!) on OKCupid, he messaged me, we then followed each other on Twitter, then set a 'date' to meet, but didn't communicate loads between that and the actual date. I had previously had too much communication with potential dates prior to meeting DP so decided to hold off a bit, however, DP are really lucky, I found OD hard, really hard

Chin up, it'll happen

hairy - i remember you from when there was a dating thread on lone parents.... yes, ive been doing it that long. which is why im fucked off.

but congrats.
:)

i just burst into tears in aldi, which is never a good thing to do. I dont know why but its effected me really hard. i just feel that i must be so awful that i dont deserve it.

Just because your phone is on doesn't mean you can reply. You might not even see the messages, it could be in another room while you watch the rugby.

I agree it's not nice to blow people off, but it almost sounds like you expect people to be on call for you, that if they're online they have to reply to you. That's not really cool either.

ok, if i said this guy has done this to me before. that hes stood me up before. and has asked for another chance for a year. and this was me giving him it.
that last time he did this, vanished before the date, i took mn advice adn went on the date, only to be left standing outside the pub like an utter dick.

i was not going to let that happen again. He didnt reply, he was online. he could have replied this morning, but he didnt. Hes young, his phone is attached to his hand, like most young peoples are.

Sorry x-post -- don't cry OP, you're not awful!! It's just a rotten situation to be in.

The problem isn't you, it's just maybe your strategy needs a little tweaking. I think what Hairy did is a good idea, once the date is set then stop chatting, build up some suspense. And just overall try to be more patient. Not everyone replies to things right away, it doesn't necessarily mean the worst.

x-post again

Well that makes it a completely different situation. I don't think you should have given him a second chance really.

oh dear god, im not expecting people to reply instantly. im just expecting a reply at somepoint. when ive asked if the date is still on, becuse hes cancelled on me before.

It's not you or what you're doing, you just happen to be contacting people who aren't on the sane 'page' as you....either keep going with it but with a heightened sense of "twunt watching" or give yourself a break from od fora while. It's not you though!!!! Repeat and believe it.

Watch maybe it's easy for me to say since I'm not single - but I really don't understand why anybody would try internet dating. I have a lot of single friends and not one of them have ever met anybody worth bothering with through them. They have, however, managed to gather a rather large collection of random cock pictures that have kindly been sent to them .

Can't you do it the old fashioned way? Getting talking to somebody in a bar; in the supermarket, to someone coming round to install your BT line (or your Sky ) (sorry!) - anywhere where it is RL and you can actually then use your spider senses to figure if they're a total creep or not.