Dating Thread 63- disappearers, wedding bells and dodgy eye candy, all are welcome

[hostesswithleastest]

Oops that title may have put off newcomers :D

Anyway.... the old thread is dead long live the new!

well broken it has happened to me three times, once quite soon, once after five months and once after two months if that makes you feel any better (not a scientific sample though). I'm starting to wonder if the common denominator is me and I'm still subconsciously looking for someone to fix...and maybe after all its me that's not ready . or its just a total coincidence. can knock you a bit though, when you think things are going somewhere, and they bail for whatever reason. hope you are ok.

In all honesty, I think that's just a bullshit excuse. And I know this because I've used it myself

Sorry you've been hurt - there are sooo many dickheads
out there

Not at all, of course he liked you! He wouldn't have bothered after all that time if he didn't. Maybe he just likes being single. But I wouldn't wait around, honestly. There are LOADS of eligible men OD, and when you meet the right one, there won't be any effort or worry involved. It will all feel natural and you won't feel insecure about anything x

Hi all, just popping in. Got a second date with someone I felt the most amazing connection with. He's just perfect. I see him on Saturday :-)

Well, I had a second lunch date yesterday, but it seems he is looking for a relationship based solely around sex as far as I can gather.... This is my problem, it's easy to find lovers, but the men I've met that genuinely seem to want something more than that aren't for me.

I don't know if part of the problem is that I am a lazy ODer - I never search out people, just see who approaches me. Maybe this is a flawed approach!

Have people had more success with contacting or being the contactee?

Brokenhearted* - I don't think it's unreasonable after seeing someone regularly for 10 weeks to make plans a few weeks ahead. Don't blame yourself, it just sounds like he wasn't ready or unfortunately it was just one of those things. There'll be other men who are ready, and who will return your feelings.

broken stop that. It's not your fault.

He just isn't ready, he's not available for you and he's realised that.

At least he didn't start messing you around by flip-flapping about. And if he does, btw, you're going to say no aren't you? Because he really ISN'T ready.

from me.

They sometimes come back, yes. But this:

He is months out of a relationship spanning several years. That's a whole history of stuff which he hasn't painted a rosy picture of. That takes time to work out of your system. He needs to work both the good and bad stuff through. He has told you he's not ready for anything. That means if he comes back you will have to manage down your hopes, expectations, feelings, perhaps even your self worth in order to see if it'll come good.

Because you have said 'date properly' I wonder if you'd be able to handle him possibly coming back and saying he wants to date other people, wants a FWB, will see you when he feels like it, may cancel if he gets cold feet again……all those things and that's if he's honest about it.

Do you want that?

hi broken it really isn't you, and making a plan fpr a few weeks hence is pretty normal after 2 months. he's just not ready, sad as it is for you. there will be someone who's in the right place at the right time.
Take care of yourself right now, though.

Broken Stop blaming yourself this instant! I second Wisey's words, it was all too soon for him and if he comes back again he's likely to mess with your feelings some more. I dated a guy who was separated for 2 yrs but still wasn't ready, he completely broke my heart after 4 mths. Remember the rules - you are the prize and deserve far better. Take a deep breath and get back out there.

Gaga Sorry about fireman, will you see him again if he asks?

Splish I seem to attract the wrong sort too. I literally cannot make it past the 3 mth point with the guys I date, I date commitment phobes!

My date with the detective (he is a real detective!) was wonderful. Despite my best intentions it rolled over into this morning, but I'm glad it did. We were both off today so we had a lazy morning in bed and walked his dogs, I really enjoyed it! I must remember the rules!

broken it should be easy .. Not so hard that you can't make plans and you have to tread on eggshells .. I'm sure when you have a think retrospectively that you will realise there were other things that weren't quite right it that you were tolerating for the sake of having him.. Time to get back on the saddle girl!

broken you are being hard on yourself.
This OD lark is tough, it's hard enough finding someone you fancy, but to get that and someone who is in the right place as you, metaphorically speaking is bloody hard!
It sounds to me he wasn't quite ready, will he come back? Well maybe, but then I would question why he couldn't just be honest with you.

super how fabulous! I'm very So he is a real detective, did he show you his badge

Fireman text me lots after he cancelled, so I think it was genuine, anyhow, he is coming round later for coffee! Eeekkk

Date in one hour. i hope he's nice.

Hey dating thread, this is not a dating query but I thought I would ask you guys as I trust this thread

I'm looking for work at the moment and came across a hostess job, I contacted them and they told me to come and see them. I am unsure what a hostess does but I thought it would be something along the lines of being dressed up in a nice dress and working in a club smiling and entertaining guests. I thought it was pretty much a job of being eye candy, which would be fine for now a I really need some money while I look for a real job.

Anyway she told me to come in tomorrow, she said dress smart casual in a fitted dress with heels

I'm not sure if they are planning on taking photos? I'm not sure if I am comfortable with that. But I'm thinking I could go along and I won do anything I'm not comfortable with.

Anyway my question is does anyone know what being a hostess involves?

gaga I made him show me his badge on the second date! I like the fact he's a detective a bit too much I think...!

Broken I really feel for you :( sending virtual hugs your way! I've been there before with OD and it's so crap, unfortunately people don't realise they're not ready for it until they've messed with someone's feelings. Be kind to yourself and know this horrible feeling won't last forever - you will be fine, it's him who needs to sort his shit out.

Rubbish can't say I know much about the hostess profession but if I'm honest I always thought it was a masquerade for being an escort...be careful!

Super - I am also starting to think it may be something along those lines

I mean I don't mind bring eye candy etc but I'm not up for sleeping with people for money!

Even though if I got paid for some of the completely nasty ones I've slept with would have been something! Lol

Broken I really think there's little to gain from trying to unpick it. Some people sign up to datings sites because they have something to prove, some do it to find the one, and some just want sex. I think it's perfectly possible to sign up for dating and be ready for that, but not be ready for a relationships (I certainly did that). You also have to be aware that people will give bullshit excuses and "I'm not ready for a relatonship" is one of the acceptable reasons to end something (yup, done that too). All you can really do is work on yourself and develop a good bullshit detector.

broken rejection is always so hard because despite what they say it's normal to look to yourself. But it really wasn't you.

I agree with stranger there are many reasons why people sign up for OD and often the very last thing guys want is to take the risk of being rejected themselves. So they message away like they mean it and then they disappear or decide "I'm not ready" or some other bullshit.

You have to develop a rhino thick skin to survive OD. I think you have to be prepared to date all kinds of guys, even the ones who's profile is better than how they look in the pictures because you just never know who you'll end up feeling really attracted to wish I could take my own advice.

Move on, don't wait around on the off chance he'll change his mind.