Dating Thread 63- disappearers, wedding bells and dodgy eye candy, all are welcome

[hostesswithleastest]

Oops that title may have put off newcomers :D

Anyway.... the old thread is dead long live the new!

:) @ Ham

NoPlay there is no way of avoiding these kind of happenings as when interacting with others as you are never going to be party to their thoughts or motivations in their entirety.

A thick skin, and knowing it is them and not you plus the the BS rule (it's all BS until it actually happens) help.

I am still lurking, but will attempt to post my (lack of) adventures from time to time.

Twerk -Hope you're ok. Did he offer any explanation as to why he had to end it? My advice is to get back out there, remember that he is the ones with issues, not you, and look for someone more worthy! Better to find out early on that he's a numpty before you invest too much!

Ham - Hello! I feel your pain - I received a text from an old male school 'friend' recently telling me that I'd appeared in his hotmail as a POF advert - aaargh!

I need some advice! I have rushed into sex with the last 2 fuckwits boyfriends - how many dates before you go for it?

Hey SuperD :) There are no rules when it comes to sex. You decide what you want to do.

You can't control how the other person will interpret your actions/decisions.

If you want a different result you need to do something different (from what you are currently doing). And, commit to it.

Ham. I've not been able to look a bloke at workin the eyes since he looked at my profile

super it wasn't rushed if you wanted it! And not wasted if you enjoyed it

Fireman has been texting me tonight, seems to be relaxing a bit, he has changed his shift and asked if I wanted to go on second date Wednesday, what the hell, I said yes.
I think you have to give it two dates, that's what I keep convincing myself

Complete newbie here - can I ask for some advice - please!
So just started this OL dating malarky - sent a very short very general email to someone who had viewed my profile about how we had been calculated as not being a match. He sent a short genera email back which ended 'happy hunting'
Bearing in mind that I am entirely new - this is a very polite brush off, I presume and does not require a reply?
Oh - and can I come back for more advice?
Thanks to anyone who feels like replying

hi education I'm not a seasoned professional with all things online but yes I think you're probably right in your assumption that happy hunting is a polite brush off. Good luck with your online escapades...I'm firmly on the sofa for now but keeping up with the thread.

Thanks for replying kitty
I need guidance in order not to look too much like a complete lemon!
Only just started and thinking of heading back to the sofa myself!

I'm definitely of the opinion that if they end the message with happy fishing or whatever, it's bringing the conversation to a close. But don't worry about it, just think "next"!

I'm about 3 months into this OD malarkey now, read this thread religiously, rarely post but when I have had had some fab advice!

I met a guy 3 weeks ago, 1 week of constant texting and phone calls pre date 1. Date 1 was fun and we ended up meeting 5 further times over the next 7 days. But he's now doing a slow fade (hours to respond to texts that he has initiated, going back on plans he suggested, far less keen to meet up) and I picked him up on it on Saturday, foolishly via text. He didn't react well and despite my apologising for the way id approached it, he said it was over. Only to pop back up a few hours later and say we should maybe start over.

I responded by saying we need to actually talk, not go back and to on text and asked him when he was free. He said one night in the week, I said I'll speak to you then then.

Let's see if he calls, I've deleted all his contact details and thankfully courtesy of ios7 I can permanently delete even from recents in messages! So the ball's in his court.

So lesson learned for me - even if they're all super super keen, slow the roll, one date a week max with any new person, don't get swept up in the intensity as it's rarely sustainable. I m fairly brutal on myself and honestly cannot think of a single thing I've done to cause the change, other than that he over estimated his interest early on and is now pulling back. But if so, he's not the one for me so nothing lost!

My skin is getting thicker :)

Education I think your reading of that message is spot on. Just carry on, look for a few that you like the look of, send them all a message and see what happens. Btw, how short was your "very short" message? When I was doing OD, I wouldn't respond to a Hey, Hi, How's you etc. And I know on some sites you can set a minimum number of words for messages to be, so you screen that kind of thing out. It's nice if you pick something out of the profile and write something in your message about that - takes a bit longer but it feels a lot more personal and gets a better response.

Penguin the right time is when it's right for you. If you think you've been doing it too soon, then take a few steps back, wait longer next time, don't put yourself in positions where you will be tempted if you've decided beforehand it's not the best plan.

Disco the mucking you around would only get worse. Don't reply even if he does get in contact later. Very flaky. Next!

Things here are fantastic. Lovely weekend with Alpha who is just getting better and better. I am the happiest I've been for years with him, it's great.

OWW that is great to hear. Enjoy!
S'funny the thread seems to have slowed down since Bantgate though lots of newbies which is ace. Maybe many are off in coupled bliss. Hope so. And for all the newbies... Keep on truckin'.

hello - another infrequent poster here!

I saw someone for a few weeks, but realised I liked him but no more than that, so am back looking for the elusive chemistry.

I had coffee with someone last week and we're supposed to meet up again later this week - no immediate wow, but I would have felt a bit disappointed if he hadn't wanted to meet again which is a good sign I guess.

Had a flurry of exes contacting me a week ago - 2 plus someone I had 1 date with months back, all in the same day - weird!

Just got the most amazing message on OKC - honestly, can this approach ever work?:

Hay girl see you ur profile u look fitt u fancy sending me a pick of this fucking gourgous tittys of yours
Hit me back if ur interested
I'd love to fuck you :

Well - isn't that lovely to know!! I don't even have a hint of cleavage in my photos.

Hello Education.

I'm new to the forum and have a bit of experience of OD.

The reply you got from the guy off of the OD site was indeed a polite brush-off, and considered rare these days!

99% of the time (in my experience and those that I have dicussed OD with), if someone reads your message - looks at your photo's and has a quick scan of your profile - and doesn't like what they see for some reason (understandable because we're not all things to all people), they tend to completely ignore you, and in some cases, instant block!

I wouldn't bother sending a reply and just take comfort in the fact that at least he was polite in saying "sorry not my type". Also, one of the big no - no's of OD is to take rejection personally, it isn't and never could be because the other person doesn't know you!

OD is all about looks first and whats going on inside and upstairs second, and don't let anyone fool you into thinking it's anything other than that :).

There's tonnes of info on the net about OD, and I would advise you to take some time out and have a good ol read before going any further....

Research the sites you are currently using and/or planning too. Read forums etc and take note of what people say about particular sites and their OD experiences. You will be amazed at some of the things that have happened to people, and also feel sadness too because there are some tragic tales to be heard out there!

Learn from other peoples mistakes and experiences and arm yourself with the tools necessary to weed out the players, rednecks and keyboard dreamers. You will stand a much better chance of success by doing so.

The only other really helpful tip I can give you, is a simple thing to do and WILL save you a lot of heartache in the long run....

Avoid POF like the plague! It's a nest of everything that's bad about OD. And IMHO, the chances of success (finding someone genuine) on that site are 1000s - 1.

Take your time - don't trust any contact until you've dated them at least 5 times - and be safe........

Best of luck to you and do let us know how you get on!

Hello Splishsplosh,

Hay girl see you ur profile u look fitt u fancy sending me a pick of this fucking gourgous tittys of yours
Hit me back if ur interested
I'd love to fuck you

Well now, there's a guy that knows what he wants and isn't backward in coming forward and saying so!

Seriously though, the tragic thing here is that approach has probably worked for him with someone in the past - I wonder if it ever went any further than FWB? :)

Superstarheartbreaker said:

Hi all. my dad rekons I should ditch pof for a website where I should have to pay like match etc. What do you all rekon?

_

Hello Superstarheartbreaker

Very, VERY wise words - avoid that site!

The paid ones can be just as daunting too, but at least when you come across a player - right before you bat him/her away because you've savvied up and read and researched beforehand - you can take comfort in the fact, that at least he/she has had to PAY for the knock-back!

There are risks on any of the OD sites, so go with your instinct/gut feeling and don't trust anyone until you've dated them at least 5 times - 99% of players give up and get bored after the 2nd and 3rd date.

Best of luck to you....

OWW - thanks for your reply, yes I agree he's probably showing his true colours and would only get worse. I'm seeing it (and this whole OD thing) as a learning curve so am intrigued as to what his next move will be...
Glad to hear things are going well with you, I've been reading for months and months and know your story well!

sixfootplus my opinion is different re POF, I live in a major city, and paid for Match first, the number of emails/views/winks etc I get on there is woeful. If I search on my criteria which are fairly relaxed I often get one person online within 50 miles of me. POF and OKC have been a lot more productive for me, you have to sift a lot more but that's much better in my view than looking at ...well... Nothing!

Different strokes for different folks I guess.

I've found a few perfectly normal people on POF, even if they haven't been the one for me - with so many members there will be examples of all kinds of people - it's just about sifting through them.

Sixfoot - somehow I don't think he's looking for more...

Roller - It's rubbish when that happens, I feel for you. But you seem to be handling it far better than I do when these things happen to me - well done on the thick skin, I'm still growing mine!

Splish spolsh - What a charmer you found on OKC! Good luck with your second date, I think sometimes the slow burners are the better ones anyway.

OWW - fantastic news! Here's hoping the rest of us can find someone lovely too!

Thanks for the sex advice ladies! With my sensible head on I think I should wait and see what happens with the detective before jumping into bed with him. Trouble is I'm not very good at being sensible! I have only met him 3 times, I must be good (I will make this my mantra throughout next date).

Evening all
I have been ignoring the rules to my detriment.
Od stuff was quite promising but I'm coming up against v limited patience with my v limited availability. As in they want to take me out and I don't have a sitter until next week so they lose interest. These guys are dicks arnt they. Say yes!

So now I have a sitter at the weekend. I should go out with the patient bloke right? Interesting but v impatient bloke is probably a dick isn't he

Morning all!

Just had a bit of a catch up read... Kin - who was your Friday date with?

I've been sofa-bound for a while, but going out lots with friends and doing different things, including my first solo theatre trip which was fab! So, having been separated from STB-ex for 18 months and gone through the worst of the crapness of it all and come out the other side stronger and happier, guess who now wants to take me on a date? Yep. STB-ex.

I've told him I'll go out for a drink and a chat but I would feel uncomfortable about it being labelled a 'date'. DS1 would shit golden nuggets of joy if he ever thought a reconciliation were on the cards but DS2 would be a bit . Don't think I could ever put myself through it again but interested to hear what he has to say...

Hello all, can someone direct me to "the rules" please?

Luis behold... The Rules

1. Develop a thick skin;
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
4. Trust your gut instinct;
5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
7. If it's not fun, stop
8. loo update is mandatory

Thank you. Loo update?

Texting the thread during a loo break on your date to give us an update as to how it's going. This is for us incredibly nosy sofa-bound lurkers who will be living vicariously through you! Obviously not compulsory!

@Hamwedgeandcheps.

Have you stated your limited availability in your OD profile?

Previous experience has taught me that essential details like the above written into your profile saves a lot of misunderstandings. After all, if it becomes an issue for your contact later down the line, at least you can say "well it was in my profile and you did read it all, yes?"

Re- Mr Patient/Mr Impatient - You should, IMHO, go out with both - just for comparrison :)

There's nothing wrong with back-to-back dates (one in the afternoon and one in the evening). And with such limited free time, you should go for it and cram as much as possible in! Life's too short etc etc etc...

And the very best of luck to you!