Dating Thread 63- disappearers, wedding bells and dodgy eye candy, all are welcome

[hostesswithleastest]

Oops that title may have put off newcomers :D

Anyway.... the old thread is dead long live the new!

Crikey OK, I will do my best. I am going to line them up.

I feel a bit bad as on Sunday i met with a lovely guy, very interesting and yet all I could focus on was his bad hair dye ( id rather see nice grey hair) and his dodgy jacket. Lovely smile though so I will give him another chance!

Oh never? Hair dye - that would put me off immediately. And a horrible coat would be almost as bad but I think you could rescue that one.

Will you comment on his hair being dyed? I would be mesmerised.

I dunno TBH.

I've just amended my profile to reflect what I actually want at the moment. Which doesn't seem to be a relationship because I get a lot of guys who I know instinctively want exactly that. And I procrastinate.

As this thread always advises, you must develop a thick skin and I suppose if you want a relationship from OD it's even more important to expect and accept there will be disappointment along with opportunity.

Guess I'm not ready for the relationship thing.

Ive been chatting to various men the last couple of days... the manager, warehouse and the soldier are my favourites. It goes against the grain for me to talk to many at once but I'm learning!

Quiz I struggle with dating more than one guy at a time too but I think it's necessary in the early stages of OD. It makes you less reliant on one person, so if they disappear it's not so upsetting! And it gives you something to compare.

I am sort of seeing two guys at the moment . I went on a date last week with the gardener, then a date with the detective at the weekend and then I had a second date with the gardener last night. I have another date lined up with the detective on Friday. It's all getting a bit confusing!

The gardener put me on the spot last night and tried to pin me down to another date next week. I'm afraid to say I panicked and said yes that shouldn't be a problem and I'd get back to him...Truth is I'm not sure if I like him or the detective that much. They are both the right age, attractive and nice enough - I just haven't felt that elusive spark!

I'm going to see the detective tomorrow and then make a decision - right now I'm feeling like I might ditch them both and start looking all over again.

I thought I would post my most recent experience from POF just to see if this takes the biscuit for sheer gall!

I had been chatting to (what seemed) a very nice bloke for days, he was saying all the right things i.e. was keeping the talk "clean", asking about me, just general chit chat and he appeared to have a good sense of humour, so we arrange to meet for a drink a few nights ago. All went well until i asked the question what exactly was he looking for in a relationship.

He said he sees his kids every weekend (150 miles away) so he couldn't see anyone at weekends at all, he works quite late every night so he really can't be bothered to go out after that so any "date" would have to "accommodate" him by seeing him at her place between say 9pm and 11pm, he thinks sex is very important to a "relationship" so of course he would expect this to be included in any "date". But he would never sleep over because he can't sleep in a strange bed!!- this from a man who lives in digs during the week and works away alot.

I couldn't believe my ears so sarcastically I said so basically you're just looking for a willing vagina to service you during the week, not expect anything from you and never get taken out??!!

To which he replied- yes, is it something i might consider???!!!!

You couldn't see me for dust!!! Honestly where do these specimens come from???

Cake Nothing surprises me anymore about the men one can find on POF! But at least you have a funny story to tell from the date!

My biggest issue with OD at the moment is the number of overly optimistic men that contact me! By no means am I Elle McPherson but I'm not quite desperate enough to start dating men who are older than my dad!

Indeed super, being over optimistic is a common problem with the men on POF (or any site).

The same guy descibed me as "built"?? (I'm a 10/12) and that he liked slender girls - he was 5'8" and quite honestly really badly out of shape! He had quite cunningly kept his profile pic to just face shots and were obviously a good bit out of date!

Or the 53 year old who had down as his preferred age range for dates as 18 - 30.......yeah, good luck with that!!

[shocked] at your account cake

Now I don't mind the older man, but I'm talking 10 years my senior, not OAP!

I have first date tonight with the fireman, just got out the shower, bloody hell, nervous now, I hate the first few minutes of a first date.

unbant can I give your proposition some careful consideration and get back to you? You might be a bit out of my league price-wise

It comforts me to know, I'm not the only one who finds dating more than one at a time a bit awkward. I will however, force myself to get used to it as I'm certain this is where I have been going wrong previously.

Good luck Gaga with the fireman tonight - let us know how it goes.

One more question. Would any of you use, not driving/owning a car or not owning their own house as a screening process? Or am I aiming too high? I have these thing but realise, divorced men might rent.

Hmmm tricky one quiz

There is a difference between not needing a car as they live in a city, to not being able to drive, or banned!

As for the house owning front, I'm shallow and it is important to me
But that's because I'm deeply sceptical about motives.

I do prefer a man to be of about equal footing financially, Jesus that does sound shallow

Will update once I'm back, driving so sober as a judge!

All sorts of things put me off - bad spelling, poor grammar, kisses at the end of the introductory message, LOLing at their own 'jokes', photo's taken in the bathroom, on the bed, with the car, with a fish and that's before we get onto the house/job situation.

If I wasn't so shallow I'd have them lined up around the virtual corner, clutching their bottles of wine and their dvd's.

Quiz - it depends on the age of the man you're dating. I don't expect a guy in his early thirties to own a house, but I would expect them to be working towards it. And the car thing is important, you don't want to be the taxi driver! I expect a man to be financially stable.

The detective uses too many lols in his messages, I find it irritating I'm hoping it's down to nerves!

Gaga - looking forward to hearing about your date with the fireman!

quiz I don't think there is an absolute on this. I think you have to look at the whole financial picture. A really decent guy could be a renter for a variety of reasons & could be financially stable otherwise.
Meet Up guy rents & has no house equity, but is steadily employed & has a good pension. I have house equity, but not great pension, so I think it balances out.

Wisey I'm afraid I'm a little bit like you, extremely easily put off. I was mortified to discover one of my dates sporting an earing! Easy enough to remove I hear you say but the damage was done. We must learn to be more accommodating. As Moan says, we all have our strengths and weaknesses.

I also can't tolerate any sort of text speak, not even any LOLing.

Well that wasn't too bad
Fireman was pleasant, happily chatted away for a couple of hours.

Turns out he is a real fireman he talked a lot a lot about his work, and daughter, I asked him a few times what he liked doing on his days off, but it appears not a lot!

I do like someone with some get up and go, and he didn't seem to have much.
That said he is clearly a decent bloke, walked me to my car, peck on the cheek and he was off.

Just got a text from him... Saying thanks for a lovely evening it was nice to meet you.
Jury is out, so second date worth a go??

I'm glad you're first date went well lady, I would certainly go for a second date. You get a better impression of someone I feel on a second date when you are less nervous......and what harm can it do??

I'm interested to know if there are any other women about my age on this thread (50) - how are you all finding OD??

Do you think he's going to ask for a second date Gaga? I'd go, why not? Sometimes people are "growers" so it could be worth giving him a chance.

Cake I am a couple of years younger but I know a few people on here around your age have had some good luck with OD. I think with any age it's just a numbers game, so getting out and meeting people via OD or RL activities is the key.

About the house, car etc - yes, those things would be important to me, although there are always extenuating circumstances. I think the main thing is financial stability and responsibility, and the house and car are just external indicators of this. My ex was a nightmare with money, always in debt, and dragged us into horrible situations with bailiffs at the door, and I don't want to get into that kind of thing ever again.

The text speak, lol-ing and so on - well, I am generally a terrible pedant but I have got a lot less bothered about this kind of thing. It really doesn't matter. I think people lol at their own jokes just to show it is a joke as it can be a bit difficult to tell when you're messaging someone whose sense of humour is an unknown quantity. No-one is perfect, and if their worst fault is a bit of lol-ing or text speak then you have struck lucky.

Hi everyone. May I have your recommendations for free online dating sites (not POF)?

And your best tips please. Am about to take the plunge [gulp]

Gaga - I think it's worth going for a second date, nothing to lose!

Cake - my dad did a lot of online dating a couple of years ago when he was early 50s, he seemed to enjoy himself!

My date with the detective was really good this morning. I'm very excited, we're seeing each other again on wed - u can't wait! Trouble is my track record with men is so horrendous, I'm already trying to work out what's going to go wrong!

Any dates this weekend?

Thank you, it's encouarging to hear there can be success at OD over 40++!

The problem is I seem to be messaged either by the very old or the very young.....no age appropriate men.

I'm sticking to POF though as I live in the far north and TBH I recognise alot of men who were on Match as being here on POF too and at least POf is free. eHarmony was a complete waste of time as I don't think it's near as popular here and they struggled to find me matches. I asked for a refund after 2 days when they started sending me matches who they said were "just outwith my criteria" - one was 77!!

Good luck to all who have dates this weekend

I was over 40 when I met my lovely DP. That was on POF, but I had to weed him out from all the 'others'.... Luis, OKC was my website of choice though when I was OD.