Dating Thread 63- disappearers, wedding bells and dodgy eye candy, all are welcome

[hostesswithleastest]

Oops that title may have put off newcomers :D

Anyway.... the old thread is dead long live the new!

Excuse me butting in so late in the day but I have, I think, a pertinent question.

I have used dating sites from time to time and have met some lovely people but clearly not 'the' one, as I am back on again.

Here's where I struggle. I find it difficult to have more than one on the go. Something inside tells me to just have one at a time, otherwise it's not fair! That, I can see is ridiculous but how do you actually deal with messages, phone chats and meetings if you are seeing more than one? I need to know how you people do it! Advice please and soon as I have a bit of a queue now!

I can vouch for cops being shaggers unfortunate, lived with 2, not at the same time I hasten to add .
Both turned out to be living shagging bastards.

Opportunity seems to be the key, unpredictable hours a perfect excuse.

Been out with a paramedic a few years ago, so fireman gets me an emergency service hat trick .

Do love a man in uniform

Lying.... not living, doh.

Am I too fussy for turning down the following:

Men who don't want kids as I might do in the future.
Men who are lovely but with whom there is not much physical spark on the first date (should I see if it develops).
Men who live in towns which I hate. (Instead going for men who liv in cool places).
Men who don't text me for a few days after intimacy. (I think the next day is manners)

Is teh thunderbold from teh blue a myth or does attraction andlove really grow. I fancy lots of men who are unattainable. Time I liked the ones who are up for love!

My ex flatmate was a cop. He shagged me and everything else in town!

Quiz someone more experienced than me will probably have better advice but I've struggled a bit like you. But now I think the chances are the chaps you're talking to/meeting with are prob all chatting and meeting with other women too and that's what OD seems to be about.

FWIW because of this very issue I've just changed my OD profile from 'wants a relationship' to 'wants to date and nothing serious'. Because actually looking for a relationship from OD is so, so tricky and if nothing else it's helped me realise I don't want one. Do you know what you want from OD?

Hey quiz -

it requires a bit of juggling, but basically it's a case of not getting emotionally involved with one person until you've met them at least once, possibly several times. That comes from getting your thick skin on and realising it's all BS until it happens. Most of the people you talk to you won't meet, most of the people you meet, you won't meet again. It is a numbers game which works faster for some than others.

Try and respond to two or three mails (from different people) a night, if you can. Instant messaging is, in my opinion, a waste of time until you've met someone - everyone can be witty, caring, sensitive behind a keyboard, not so much in real life.

Take a night or two off if you want, it doesn't have to be all the time, and it can get addictive very quickly.

Learn to screen for red flags early before you've put much effort in, but make the flags you're looking for realistic - racism, lolspeak, something like that, not the wrong colour hair. There are plenty of fish in the sea, but you've got to make sure you're not just hunting for salmon.

And, meet up early, don't let it drag on for weeks, so you can drop and move on, or arrange a second date. Generally people have several discussions on the go at any one time, it's more efficient that way. Its confusing but it can work for people.

good luck

gaga - don't forget the Coast guard

superstar - the town you like thing, I wouldn't worry too much. I know some lovely people in shitty places, and if it works out you could move somewhere nicer.. And physical spark can develop. I think I remember Snape saying she wasn't too impressed with Nameless, and now they're deeply in luuuurve.

The thunderbolt happens, but it's mostly chemistry, not spark. Spark is rare but even then people can disappear etc (happened to me, which was the reason I joined this thread in the first place, turns out the spark was one way, she was just very charismatic)

superstar

No
Maybe
Maybe
No

If you find out the answer to the last do please let me know.

quiz

listen to the unbant.

thunderbolt…chemistry…spark

I need to go somewhere tropical.

superstar
FWIW I don't think you are being fussy at all, there has to be some sort of spark on the first date, if it comes to the end of the evening and you want to kiss them, you get that lush feeling when you do.

If wanting kids is important to you, and they say from outset they don't, then that is not unreasonable to rule them out, there are some qualities that are important to me and I won't compromise.

Living in a town you hate?? They can move! And if they hot everything else its probably the one thing I could put up with

End of the day, don't 'make do'

don't make do

Exactly that. Which is why instead of going ahead with date number two tomorrow I'll be going to the gym. I just know that's what I'd rather do.

unBant

Bloody hell, check out the link I don't want to go out with captain Birdseye.

4th emergency service, isn't that the AA, that uniform doesn't appeal
must get help for my fetish

aka go with your gut feeling, if you make the decision to go to the gym and feel relieved/happy about that, then its clearly the right decision.

Oh if we're doing fetish can I just say what I like which I'm too shy to say on the site?

For once in my life I would like to meet a bald, tattooed bloke with very well honed muscles. Who just wants to pick me up and take me off somewhere. Who can sing the blues with a dirty, husky, but well tuned voice. To me, preferably.

That's what I want. Don't give a flying fuck what his job is!!

aka nice fantasy, and not entirely I possible.

I don't care if they actually do the job, they can just dress up

Think Richard Gere in officer and a gentleman, think I need professional help!

Poxy ipad, impossible not I possible!

gaga

My God, unbant is an absolute pro. He has all bases covered. I could be back for more advice though. I am so not good at the juggling act and it is so time consuming. I just thought, why not rule them out (or not) one by one, rather than several at the same time but I suppose it's good to compare? Sounds mercenary.

I do seem to find the very straight-up, honest sort of blokes though. Of the ones I have met, they have, with the exception of one, been really easy to read and uncomplicated. I have eventually ruled them out for either being too full-on or a bit too old fashioned - that's really not nice I realise. I think my screening processes need honing. Thanks unbant, you were most helpful, perhaps you could be my chaperone on a few?

Aguilera the problem with ruling them out one by one is it assumes they'll wait around. That's a pretty big gamble, given that they'll be messaging other people.

Personally I think until you're DTD you have to operate a flight holding pattern.

quiz one person's mercenary is another's sensible especially in OD. You MUST compare and come and tell us all.

I attract a balance of the two but have found none I feel that 'something' for.

Having said that I feel set free to explore what I want RIGHT NOW. Which is not FWB but something in between that and a relationship.

I always was a dreamer.

If you pay for the petrol and my beer (and obviously a hotel for me as I don't drink and drive :)) then I'll chaperone anyway, quiz. Your date may find it weird though.

"Personally I think until you're DTD you have to operate a flight holding pattern." Excellent advice Stranger!

And Wisey, I know I need to 'man-up' and be less bothered about treating complete strangers fairly. I have to say, I do usually meet the ones I invest time chatting to. I don't want a FWB, I have spent more than enough time single, procrastinating and being picky. I would like a real relationship now if I'm honest. Is it realistic when OD?

It's a numbers game quiz

So yes, yes to the flight holding pattern

I have the fireman date tomorrow, but I'm still looking online, and if I get chatting to someone else then I will plan a drink with them next week.
Keep your options open