Dating Thread 63- disappearers, wedding bells and dodgy eye candy, all are welcome

[hostesswithleastest]

Oops that title may have put off newcomers :D

Anyway.... the old thread is dead long live the new!

Stranger Just do the 'its not you it's me' stuff. Even if it is him

stranger if it has been a couple of months then an email with the 'it's just about me' scenario would suffice. that's plenty more thoughtful than many an OD participant would be, don't you think?

Hope things are ok Stranger. I've had big problems doing this myself - I find it excruciatingly difficult. Got a kick up the arse from posters on here last time I was dithering about having to do it, which was good as it got me to finally bite the bullet.

Hoping not to have to do it again though - things are just wonderful with the lovely Alpha. Just found out the man can cook as well as everything else. . I know he's serious about this relationship and I'm starting to think this could really work out longer-term.

Good morning everyone,

Family I can only echo what everyone else has said - do not engage further with this man , your instincts are telling you to run away as fast as your legs can carry you, don't allow misplaced consideration for his feelings to place yourself in a situation which will be bad for you.

Stranger it's a horrible thing to have to do, I'd do it via email too, saves any unpleasantness and you can be as open and honest (or not) as you like. Doing it remotely also gives him the opportunity to be upset in private.

I definitely have one side of my arse on the sofa, no-one is piquing my interest. I had messages from two new blokes yesterday which were a step up from 'Hi Missy, luv ur pics lol wanna chat ' , one of them has a War and Peace style profile in which you learn just about everything about him apart from what allergies he has and whether he's circumcised.
I've decided not to reply to Gay Paree's last message as I don't think he's really arsed and I don't like the thought he's feeling obligated to keep in touch.

Have a good day out there

Morning all!! Anyone got a date today?

I haven't gone it yet (big surprise! ). It's been a few months so consensus from friends is an email isn't acceptable. They think I need to drop a few hints so it's less out of the blue. I said I thought I had but according to a male friend they were far too subtle! Sky writing required.

Oh I dunno, Stranger - dropping hints -> worry and angst and not knowing where you stand and feeling shite. Kinder in the long run just to do it.

well good luck with whatever you do stranger. You couldn't do worse than cancelling the last date 20 min before it was meant to happen, and then just dropping contact altogether...hmmm, partly why I'm sofa bound for now . still check out the daily picks from match from afar though. Do they sift out the bonniest of the bunch to reel you back in?

I agree with OWW, Stranger. Unless he scores a big fat 0 for emotional intelligence, he's probably aleady got a vague idea that something's not right. Far kinder to put him out off his misery. I speak as a well practised dumpee.

And email would be perfectly acceptable, I think.

OK, good points about it not being fair to drip-feed. No email either though, that phase has passed and I would be furious if it were done to me.

Morning all!

I have a first date this afternoon, meeting the detective for coffee. I am too excited about it which means it's all going to end in tears as usual! We spoke on the telephone yesterday and he just sounds so lovely - keep fingers and toes crossed for me please!

Stranger - it is very difficult but once you do it you will probably feel relieved.

I'm thinking about trying eharmony or match, anyone had experience with those? Surely they must be better then POF?

Rubbish I have tried match but didn't have much success with it, but I have friends who it has worked very well for - I know a couple who got married after meeting on match!

I know of quite a few long-term relationships off Match, if that's your definition of success. A friend has used it and had lots of dates, but nothing other than friendship has come of it. Don't know anyone who's tried eHarmony.

I might start looking into them.

Even though that guy wasn't for me, the cuddling was very nice and I really have missed being cuddled and I has defiantly missed getting some physical action.

It just seems so difficult to find someone suitable.

Hi everybody....new to this thread....recently separated and last night decided maybe I should look into online dating....any tips/hints/warnings?! (is this what this thread is about?)
Thank you! x

The general consensus is:

POF has the most users, but also more tossers, knobshots and people who can't spell.

Match can be free to contact people who've paid a bit extra for that, but unless you subscribe you can't see who's viewed and winked at you, or sent you messages. There are sometimes special offers (one week free etc)

Okcupid has a higher proportion of polyamorous people and artistes, but the questions answered can give you a better feeling about whether someone is suitable or not

I've not heard anything good said about Eharmony.

If you're in a city, guardian soulmates or telegraph or something might work, but if you're not, don't bother

Hello all. Very new to online dating - had my first date earlier in the week. Nice enough guy but not my sort at all. Being new to all this I hadn't considered that he might want to see me,but I wouldn't want to see him, only thought there'd be a mutual spark or there wouldn't be. Bit naive i know.

Anyway when he asked to see me again I got all flustered and blurted something out about not being ready for a new relationship and flounced out of the cafe in a really stupid way He was a nice, but unsuitable (for me) guy - he didn't deserve that.

I'm an intelligent, professional woman and i acted like a complete idiot.

Please give me some guidance on how to do it better next time I have a date with someone who wants to see me again and I don't want to see them.

What's the script?

jenny rubbish also add Meet Ups to your repertoire. We have quite a few where I live & successful pairing up has been happening over the months.
BTW, Meet Up guy & I are ticking over nicely - no major changes envisaged for either of us for awhile - I have to get divorced from d*head XP - but all good & very comfortable.

Definitely more tossers on POF but also someone nice, genuine men (seeing my POF man tonight :) ) You just have to be very selective! the best way to do it on POF is keep your profile hidden and just contact the ones you like the look of. Means you have to be willing to make first contact but you should avoid the 'hey sexi babes' lot!

Elsie First of all, unless it's blatantly obvious that the spark is mutual it's kind of bad form to ask in person at the end of the first date if there is going to be a second. As you've discovered, it puts the other person in the uncomfortable position of having to answer on the spot! Don't feel bad, it's an awkward situation. Ideally they would wait until after the date then text you. That gives you time to form a suitable response. If it happens in future you could just say, 'sure, send me a text and we'll see' then you can text him and say something like, "I had a really nice time but I don't think there was a spark."

Elsie - Yoga gives good advice there. You could also try something like 'Well, I'm having a nice time, but I'll have to see how nice your text is' - which is a little misleading but at least will delay the situation.

This stuff will happen though -and possibly the other way round - you'll be into a man more than he's into you, and that's when you have to be careful not to get hurt by disappearers, shag-and-run artists etc.

The mutual spark is rare, it's unlikely to happen first time out of the gate.

Also, speaking as a bloke, I think the guy may be a little bit crushed, so an apologetic email (doesn't have to be true) may make him feel a bit better.

Thanks for the tips....will have to spend a bit longer exploring the different sites I think! x

Met a hot guy last night and exchanged numbers. Trouble is hes 10 years younger than me. Is it doomed?

Superstar not necessarily doomed, my ex was 10 yrs older but had the emotional intelligence of a goldfish. There could also be some exciting physical benefits to a younger man

Elsie just put it down to experience. You were brave to be honest about not seeing him again, I always do the polite yes of course let's arrange something spiel and then have to wriggle out of it awkwardly later on!

Jenny online dating is lots of fun but can also be crushing at times - the rules at the start of this thread will help you!

My date with the detective this afternoon was really good, I am actually very excited about him! We are going to meet again this week, yay! He only lives about 5 miles away from me so it's all very convenient. I must not get too excited too soon! The trouble is I now have the awkward task of telling the guy I met last Wed that I don't want to see him again as planned, I hate this bit!