Dating Thread 63- disappearers, wedding bells and dodgy eye candy, all are welcome

[hostesswithleastest]

Oops that title may have put off newcomers :D

Anyway.... the old thread is dead long live the new!

Yoga so sorry to hear about Yogadog, its a heartbreaking thing to have to do (((hugs)))

Hey yoga sorry to hear about your dog .. Glad SnS is being a good support

Can't wait to see him tomorrow, the week just seems to go so slowly!

I see FoF most week days .. This week it was Sunday evening in to Monday morning, Monday evening into Tuesday , Tuesday evening into Wednesday morning and we went for lunch yesterday .. Seeing him tomorrow when he's back from being away with his girls .. Can't wait to see him just can't get enough time with him (is that sad?)

Doesn't sound sad at all Kirsty! It's early days for us still and we haven't met each other's kids so still limited to when we're both child free.

Well I'm Here to update on my date!

The guy was from a very rough background! Has been in prison! Put himself into anger management and told me some dodgy stories about himself. But he was sweet towards me.

We stayed out late and couldn't get a train home so I ended up going back to his house, spent the night there and didnt sleep with him.

He lives with his mum and brother in a big block and it is very run down inside. I think he just lives his life in a different way to me. Like I said he was sweet to me but hes not the kind of person I want to be with.

I can't believe I went home with him. I should stop drinking I think

Anyway I'm now safely home

Superstar sounds like you're after something that's quite fun and casual and I don't think distance is so much of an issue then. But like Bant says, it's much easier to have a relationship with someone who's closer. I know long distance things can work, but it would be too much for a lot of people. Have you got a date lined up this weekend?

Family glad you're okay. Don't want to sound like a mother hen here but I think maybe in future a short first date near where you live, so you can get home okay under your own steam, would be a good plan. And if you're getting alarm bells ringing, it's fine to make an excuse and leave early.

Kirsty I am a bit the same with Alpha except we don't get to see each other as often

Right, I think I do actually need to end it with the man I'm seeing. I think we have mis-matched emotional investment in this. I do not feel smitten and I want to be. That's not holding out for something unrealistic is it? Any tips on how to do it? I am absolutely rubbish at ending things and let relationships drift on far too long (which I also want to avoid happening here, because it's oh so easy to get comfortable).

It's not unrealistic at all, Stranger. I ended two short things earlier this year - nothing actually wrong, but I just didn't feel strongly enough. Both would have carried on for ages, though, we'd just have drifted into it. It's not enough, though. Don't settle for something that isn't all you want.

As for how to end it, well I hate doing that so very much. How to do it probably depends on how long you've been seeing him and what stage you've got to.

I think we're past the point where a text/email is acceptable, or letting dates go unarranged. Dammit! It's probably best to do it in a neutral space though isn't it? God, it's been about ten years since I had to actively break up with someone I didn't actually live with.

Don't know Stranger - I think round at his might be a better plan in case he's upset. I'd hate to be crying in a pub or something. I'm rubbish at that kind of thing so feel free to ignore.

Western - I agree. I don't know why I just go on theses dates and get out of control. Last year when I was going I dates I was bringing the guys back to my house and sleeping with them!

Well the guy from last night has been texting me today, I dont know if I should continue texting him or not. It feels abit strange that I've been texting him all week, went for a date, went back to his, didn't sleep with him but did spend the night cuddling! Now I don't know what to say as its a strange thing to do with someone you don't see a future with

Stranger - I think it's not unrealistic to hold out for someone you really want. You won't be happy if you settle for less.

I hate break ups too, and always end up having people hanging around.

Family just text and say that he's a really nice guy or whatever but you don't think there's a romantic connection, lovely to meet him, good luck for the future etc. No point drawing it out needlessly or he will be getting his hopes up.

Yes I feel like your right. But I also feel like he's going to think I'm very odd spending the night cuddling him even though I don't want to see him again in that way. I also think I'm very weird for doing it.

But family - anyone can enjoy cuddling with someone, it doesn't mean you have any obligation - to him or yourself - to continue if it doesn't feel right. Why worry what he thinks if he's not part of your life?

Let him down gently and politely, blame the elusive spark, you had a lovely time with him but it just wasn't there, you're really sorry, good luck in the future..

If he's an arse about it, you definitely did the right thing. If he's sweet and understanding then there still wasn't a spark.

If its not right for you, that's the only reason you need.

Bant can I have a male perspective please on polite ways to end a short term relationship?

Bant - thank you very helpful. What if he says he wants to be friends?

Like I said he was sweet to me but I think he could be quite a dangerous person. He told me some things about trouble he has got into before. His home he lives in with his mum and brother is very run down and when we left at 10am his house smelt of weed. I'm not sure if his brother or mum was smoking it. But that's not the kind of people I want to be around. And his dad used to beat him every day when he was growing up so he has a lot of anger issues!

He just replied and said I saw this coming, and I guess I won't hear from you again now? What do I reply to that?

Rubbish No need to say anymore. Getting into a chat with him about, isn't going change anything.

49 - I was thinking if I should reply to say I'm happy to be friends?

Honestly Family I would just walk away.

Don't think you should reply at all. And if he's not the kind of person you want in your life then having him as a friend could be just as bad. His reply was just meant to make you feel guilty. But you've done nothing wrong and you don't owe him anything. The only thing you owe someone after some texting and one date- even if u stayed the night-is politeness. Don't feel bad. Just move on.

Yes I think the problem is I do feel bad and I have noticed a lot recently that I feel very uncomfortable in not reply to these guys

family - you've given an explanation, you don't need to do any more explaining.

If you absolutely need to say something then just go with 'sorry, as I said you were nice but I don't think it's going to make sense to stay in touch'

Stranger - how long has it been?