Filee777 - Today I asked my wife as nicely and in as friendly a way as possible (a bit shyly but I did) if we could maybe make a 'date' for 'being together' and making love - (I meant cuddling and leading to some sex) - during the course of an hour or even less - because she doesn't like 'wasting time' on this kind of thing) - tomorrow evening (Saturday) since we're not going out.
I also suggested it would be best not too late, meaning not last thing, i.e. not about 2 or 3 in the morning - often her bedtime, since she always goes to bed extremely late.
She looked a bit taken aback but smiled a little, maybe with embarrassment, saying she felt a bit 'frightened' at the prospect but if I had to...
(She obviously meant 'apprehensive' because she's never been frightened of me. I've never done the slightest thing to 'frighten' her. There's nothing scary about me.) But her remark showed she was not going to look forward to it. So I quickly dismissed the idea.
Our counsellor of a while ago had suggested we make a 'date' like this so that intimacy between us would at least be guaranteed to actually happen sometimes, say, once every 10 days or a fortnight maybe, and I wouldn't be left wondering and vaguely hoping all the time. I thought it was a really good idea at the time. But my wife never liked the idea because she said it was far too artificial and it was much better if it just happened spontaneously. She repeated that point of view today.
However she knows full well it never happens spontaneously. Just never! So there's been practically no sex in our marriage for a very long time, and when there has been it's been only a few minutes, always at my instigation, but even that's been ages ago.
The fact is my wife seems to have no wish for sex, not ever, and it's been like that for years.
So like you, when she rejected me today again and did not suggest any alternative, even though she did it nicely and politely, I think I felt I'd come to the end of the road. So I've also decided not to ever approach my partner again because there's a long history to this and I've decided it's pointless to even have a glimmer of hope any longer.
Otherwise we get on great. But it means our marriage is now really a 'best friend' relationship. Without real intimacy and enjoying each others' bodies physically, I somehow feel it isn't a real marriage any longer. Maybe I'm wrong. But I won't be going anywhere. For all sorts of reasons I'm just going to continue to live like this in a sexless marriage.
Just thought I'd let you know we've both made the same decision! But unlike you I'm not going to say anything to my partner. Although it seems illogical I think it would upset her if I made a sort of 'announcement' of it. So I'll just keep quiet about it. But I know I'll almost certainly never ask her again. And I know from long experience that she'll never ask me. There will never be any 'spontaneous' love making. So that's the end of it then.
Like you, it will help me to regain some control over my inner life and not feel dependent on her for a sex life any longer.
I don't want to go into any further detail about our life together except to say we get on really well otherwise, there are no other issues, and she seems very happy living with me but maybe I'm not attractive to her as a man - I really don't know for sure. I don't think I'll ever know.
But I just took a notion to tell you, since you seem to have the same problem. Anyway, this is exactly what happened this afternoon.